A promise to myself…

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Some months ago, my sister sent me a couple of Brazilian wish bracelets and — what she intended to be — rings that she made herself. I have always loved those because they’re really cute and my sister made them, what little sister wouldn’t be proud to wear what their big sister made just for them? 😉 I was really happy when I received them but the rings were too long to be wrapped around my fingers and I didn’t know what to do with them at first.

Then came January and one of the few right choices I have made so far in my somewhat short — but very flawed — existence, Glitch. And I figured it out. I was peacefully singing He Is We’s All About Us while cleaning what used to be my tiny personal space/corner, just a regular “I’m bored” afternoon activity. Took a look at my open suitcase/broke student’s closet and immediately dug into the clothes to get my buried treasure back. Then I realized: there was conveniently one for me, one for Glitch, one for Crash and one for the pencil I use the most for drawing. Those last three were the ones intended to be finger rings, which turned out to have the perfect length to be where they are now.

Not going to lie, I actually only thought about doing it at first because I thought it would look cool. I mean, we’ve got matching bracelets now; how cool is that? (In case you didn’t know, the answer is: a lot.) But my second thoughts went to how much longer they would last compared to the one I wear on my arm which gets worn out very quickly as it’s more exposed to friction; and sure, I felt very clever, I’ll admit it. 😛

Now, I’m not just writing a post about how I found the brilliant idea of tying bracelets around my instruments’ necks but more about the meaning behind those (as the title probably had given away, haha!). It didn’t come to me right away, as I just said right above, I was mostly in for my babies looking cool and wearing the same thing as me. And to be quite honest, it came to me just a few days ago(#slowbrain lol) which is when I took the pictures.

These are called “friendship” or “wish” bracelets which are both all about a hope, a dream, a flame burning inside and the desire for it to be real for as long as possible, but preferably forever.

You either have two(or more if you’re that kind of person who has friendS, haha!), one for you and one for your friend, as a vow of eternal(at least for today) friendship and to symbolize your dedication to each other and shared love. Usually you’ll give one to your friend and your friend gives you one, it’s supposed to be a mutual thing just like the friendship thing in itself. Or, you just get one for yourself and make a wish, and by the time the bracelet wears off and breaks, your wish comes true. Either way, it’s a promise.

So as I was sat on my wooden floor with an achy butt a few days ago, I remembered that and I decided to turn a simple “fashion statement” into something more. The same way I sometimes have to play the nosy literature teacher with my own work and dig for the hidden meanings(that I, for some reason, didn’t even realize I put in there), I took a metaphorical shovel and dug up the why’s, found a purpose for a seemingly empty act. And don’t worry, I’m finally getting there! 😉

Now I know the reason why Glitch, Crash, my pencil and I(would that be a good title for a book?) are wearing the bracelets my sister made. They symbolize the link we share, the importance of art in my life. And that’s it, I guess. It’s a concrete testimony of my commitment to art, my dedication to it and will to keep it a part of my life forever. I think it’s a physical proof of the fire that burns inside, maybe even a conductor.

And it’s also a reminder to keep fighting and stay strong, to keep burning through the rain. Mostly because they’re from my sister and when I look at them I just think of my homeland and family and I remember how they believe in me and love me and how I don’t want to break them by becoming something I wouldn’t name. It reminds me to not stray from the path like a prisoner’s electronic tag would, you know what I mean? That’s why sometimes I take my bracelet off(other than for showering, I mean), usually when I’m about to do something I know I shouldn’t but still really want to(and no, you can’t know what it is, not yet at least…).

These bracelets are more than just wishes, they’re a promise I made to myself. I wanted this post to be the written evidence of this promise. I’ve finally understood that it’s easier to stick to your words when they’ve been heard/read by a larger audience than just your diary and cats. It’s even better than a post-it on a mirror, a tattoo on the forehead or a set of words to repeat while you’re making your coffee in the morning. This is me writing something on my personal blog… Wait. Isn’t that almost the same thing as a diary? Who reads me anyways? Ha ha! But yes, even though I’m not a 69k views/post kind of blog(yet?), my point still stands — or does it? Anyways! 😀

These are a promise to myself. A promise to make a dream into a reality, a promise to become who I set out to be. These bracelets — as tiny as they are — are screaming at the top of lungs that they don’t have “WE ARE NOT A DREAM”. Or maybe they’re screaming something else… I wouldn’t know, I only speak French and English. One thing I know though is that what these artistically braided cotton threads and I are saying is that we’re real and alive and we will happen.

There will be lows, I will feel down again, sometimes even with my feet underground and others, I’ll be in up to the shoulders. I can’t erase the darkness but I can manufacture the light. I will bend, crack but not break, I will freeze, I will be empty, dry, and whatnot, over and over again. But never shall I give up. I won’t give in to my own demons or to the pressure of the world or people in it. I’ll keep working through the rain, the storm, the drought, the sunlight, paving the way for future me to run on. And as Hayley Williams perfectly put it:

I don’t care if the world or anyone in it tries to drag me down. Because I know that in the end, they will be the ones tired from the struggle to hold me back.

I promise to myself that one day, at the rock show, I will be the one on stage with my soon-to-be-found bandmates and we’ll be rocking everyone’s world. I promise to myself that I will not let anyone, especially not myself, hold me back and take that away from me. This is all I want and all I will have, all I’ll be. This is gonna be me and if you’re having a hard time believing this, then watch me(if you have nothing better to do).

I see so many people that gave up on their dreams just going around preaching how that is something you are bound to do as you grow up to be a part of the “real” world, how you’ve got to be “realistic” and aim for something easier, something that can actually happen. You know, people trying to talk you out of big ambitions either in a nice and caring way(thank you Mom and everyone rather close to me not to be this kind of people) or in a rather bitter one(“This is the real world. Grow up and go get a job. Only a 0,0000000001% of people end up making their dreams come true. Go get a real job and earn money and build a home and do not dare wanting to make something more out of your life. This is the real world. Stop dreaming already.”, you know this kind of things…).

But I don’t agree with this thinking. I believe in dreams becoming true. I believe anyone can do whatever it is they want . I believe in magic and in the will power. I believe I will become the fronting member of a rock band and sing as amazingly as my favorite artists. And if that makes me a delusional fool, than so be it. After all, I am indeed part of those people that take promises seriously and value all the little things like putting too much lemon in my water. All I can say is: watch me. Watch me as I’m turning my unrealistic goals into an unrealistic reality that has everything I’ve ever foolishly dreamed of in my pure madness. Watch. Me. 😉

Some people dream of becoming a doctor. Some people dream of becoming parents and having a green garden with a cool dog and a swimming pool. And some people dream of bathing in sweat and loud guitars. There’s no need to compare different people or different dreams because that’s it, they’re different. There’s nothing wrong with aiming higher than people would expect/want you to. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to become a doctor rather than work at your father’s garage. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to build a happy family rather than just build up the biggest bank account. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something more. We are allowed to dream. We, humans, are creature of hope, so don’t take people’s dreams away from them. And make those dreams more than just dreams. Your life is your life, aim and shoot and stop looking around to see if some people’s reality aren’t respecting your own standards/rules/values. Mind your own business and let the dreamers dream and the doers do.

I’ll like to conclude with a song that never fails to get me pumped which is of course Halestorm’s I Am The Fire!! \m/

I promise to myself, me and no one else
I am more than this
I am the fire…

Be your own fuel, set yourself on fire and light up the world. You decide what you can and can’t do.

I promise to myself that I will get that band and rock on until my dying day.

I believe. I can. I will. I promise. Just you watch me. 😉

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