“Fuck.” That’s what I’d scream out loud right now if I had no consideration whatsoever for my neighbors.
I’ve been having the most tiring and annoying first three weeks of school ever. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t get a fit of anxiety, even the tiniest. There wasn’t a day I got home with remains of strength to be somewhat productive or even eat. Every time I left the last class of each day, I was drained. Actually, I was drained not even thirty minutes after I got out of the comfort of my five walls. And I’ve had enough. I just want to feel kind of okay, even for a moment.
So, I’m saying fuck to everything and I’ll probably stay inside for a few days. It’s just saddening to make it out everyday and go through all the horribleness and then just realize that I’m forcing myself to stay in the damn class while I’m actually not picking anything up. I think I’m just trying to prove that I can fight it. But that doesn’t work. Cos what I usually end up doing is only fighting for the whole duration of the class and I hardly ever listen to the teachers. And that just feel like a waste of time and gosh, I’m so tired…
After my third mug of apple juice & rum I decided that I’m just going to watch LOTR until I fall asleep. I need to get my mind off of things. So, if you’re looking for me I’ll just be digesting my poisonous beverage while drowning in a see of hobbits, elves, dwarves, orcs and whatnot.
I just can’t bear to see another one of these days. Need a break.