Twenty-one days, huh? Lovely number if you ask me. 😉
I haven’t posted anything for 21 days and there’s a reason to that. I’ve literally been doing nothing and therefore didn’t have much to talk about. Well, actually that’s not completely true. I had plenty of things to say, lots of thoughts to share and I’m pretty sure many others would’ve bloomed if I had even started to open my blog. I have been doing nothing because I actually lost all interest in everything so I just did nothing. But, don’t worry, I’m working on getting back on track no matter how heavy that body of mine has become.
In three weeks I must’ve touched my guitar two or three times and barely laid eyes on my brushes and pens. It was just one of those months, it happens now and then. Maybe every two months. Sempiternal mayhem. But I’m trying to learn to fight it instead of just let it bury me. It’s really hard but I’m trying. You know, it’s just like when you’re really mad at someone or you just heard something really disgusting and you don’t feel like eating at all. That bitter feeling in the back of your mouth and the kinda dryness inside. It’s just like that but for a full month, maybe two sometimes, and with everything else, not just food. Hopefully, I was lucky with this month as I was still really into food. So, at least I ate. 🙂
This neverending fight is taking a toll on me and sometimes when I take a step back and look at my wounded body, I feel like I’m giving up. So I have to fight that too. I’m really tired of all this; I need a good fucking break but it’s not happening, is it? In one month I’m flying back home for Xmas but I know all my demons will be boarding with me, talk about clingy parasites!
Anyways, I’ll try to post more is what I’m trying to say. x) It’s been forever since I’ve actually written in my diary so I should try and do that again too. Writing on here helps me look inward and I really need to do that, especially right now.
I’m gonna blast some Good Charlotte in the headphones now and warm up my freaking arms and hands, get ready for thirty minutes to an hour of guitar practice.
Till next post,
Don’t forget to breathe! ❤