Untitled acrylic on paper, 2.16.17

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So, I kind of (totally) ruined the face on my portrait and  now I can’t bring myself to go back to working on it just yet. I had two pretty shitty days. Not completely shitty. Rather bittersweet but really tough on that bitter part. The taste still haunts the back of my mouth.

Anyways, so I painted this today instead of working on the portrait. I’m like really happy with how it turned out. All the colors put together and the texture and wow. Shame though that my pictures don’t really let it shine through. However, I have noticed that the pictures that I take on my phone do look a little better while I’m on my computer so I actually have a small hope now that you might see it in a slightly better quality that I do. I can NOT see the turquoise at the bottom of the painting on my phone, it’s like dark blue and on the computer is better. So yeah. Still frustrated though. Ha ha!16808739_1361814600552612_2145723990_n

I didn’t give this painting a name. It just doesn’t have one. It’s filled with sadness, hope and dreams is all I can say. I painted it while listening to a playlist of Wet’s songs on youtube. I just love their music and sometimes it’s really all I need to listen to.

I still haven’t completely lost my mind. But I hardly see myself surviving another month without a guitar in my bed. It’s just so hard, you know. I mean, I already don’t have a cat or a dog or anything, which is bad enough considering I grew up with pets and it’s such an empty life without at least one around. But no guitar just makes this whole thing more pointless. I can feel all my energy just being drained from my body and mind and pretty soon I’ll be a more literal mess.

I also am putting a lot of pressure on myself because this is important and it feels like it’s been three years since I last played. I have barely a one-year experience as left-handed player and it can just fade so fast in such short time. I’m gonna go crazy over guitar practice when I buy a new one because I’m just crazy about this whole thing and I’ve been slacking off so much ever since I was born and I gotta work or I’ll never get anywhere I’d like to. This is horrible.

Good things are coming my way in a little less than two weeks. There’s the rock show, the singing lessons, going to Paris to meet Kim and just, you know, still breathing! But right now, it just weighs on me a lot and it’s fucking hard. I’m still pushing through which is great, I guess. Not giving up, that’s good. But you know, I won’t lie. It’s really hard on me. And the mess I made with my portrait just kicked me down too. I’m in a real fragile place right now which makes me even more sensitive than usual.

I keep trying to be positive to make things fall into place thanks to the power of a positive mind, you know. But I’m like, on the floor right now and can’t get that frown off my face. I really hope I can manage to buy that guitar next month.

Alright, this post is going nowhere. So I’ll just end it here. If I keep writing, it’ll just be me saying on and on how tired I am and how my mind is cracking and I NEED GUITARASDFGHJKL

Fruits & vegetables ❤

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13 thoughts on “Untitled acrylic on paper, 2.16.17

  1. UkeBaby Kim says:

    Ohhh… sorry that you’re having some tough days–however—your drawings and talent is so evident and clear!! Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Chloe!! It’s very encouraging!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw! Well, you know, I’ve always sucked at drawing and painting but ever since last year I started to be more serious about it and I’m making lots of progress! (Especially now that I don’t have much else to do as I’m guitare-less!) Don’t give up and go at your own pace! And don’t forget to celebrate even the tiniest progress you make! And have fun! That’s the important part!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

        • Mishaps are part of the learning process. You learn by trying and trying some more. Everything you do doesn’t have to be perfect, especially not as you’re trying to figure out the whole art thing! You’ll get there! 😉 Learning can be painful and irritating sometimes, frustrating, annoying, upsetting, discouraging and whatnot. It’s not as easy as some people make it seem. It takes time, and sweat and tears. But it’s also so rewarding! Keep practicing! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          • Ahh…thank you so much…great advise…it sounds like you’ve been there-done that! Thank you for the encouragement. I do take it too seriously..I’ve been told this many times…it doesn’t have to be perfect…but then my perfect is ordinary.

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            • Been there indeed and still am! It is hard, it is painful but it’s necessary. I sincerely know what it’s like to take it very seriously too and I often beat myself up when it comes to my work because of that pressure. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s good to want things a certain way and be serious about getting them that way. But sometimes it’s nice to get off that high, intense place and remind ourselves that it’s okay. Raw is okay. Unfinished is okay. Flawed is okay. It’s important to know where you want to be and to be hard on yourself to work seriously at getting there. Because, frankly, most people will always tell you to calm down and not be so intense about getting there and that’s not good either. But, there needs to be a balance! Hardworking; yes! But not becoming your own bully is a bigger YES! Celebrate the tiny victories and actually start seeing them as big as any other one. Every step is a big step, even in baby steps! You progress each day even if you don’t see it yet and sometimes you just can’t get something right now because it’s not the the right time. The way I see it is that sometimes some ideas need to marinate in your mind until they’re ready to come out or until your skills are up to the challenge of bringing them to life. However, that’s not a reason to stop trying. “I’m not good enough yet to do this” (still better than “I can’t do this”) But try anyways, try and fail. And then fail again, fail better! (Was that Samuel Beckett’s words?) I think I’m getting lost in my own words haha I should be allowing that’s why! Anyways, my point is: chill but keep your head in the game, and keep trying even if it hurts, and actually try exactly where it hurts. You learn by doing things you can’t do until you can do them (that’s a quote too I believe !!). So try, fail and keep on keeping on. And celebrate every step! Perfect is anything you want it to be. 😉

              Liked by 1 person

              • Thank you so very much chloerivs for all your wonderful advise and insight. I see it in my mind…but I can’t seem to create it as good as I want…today I posted a Mercury Glass tutorial. I was not happy with the way this one turned out. But I didn’t want to discourage others, so I posted the ones I did in a different color which looked better. Painting is wonderful. But for me…it will continue to be trial and error. But, I won’t beat myself up to much….🙂 🙂 🙂

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