For once in my life, I feel in sync with the seasons.
Autumn. I’m shedding skin, letting the grime and knives accumulated over these past few years fall off my body like dead leaves. I’m changing shape. Living again; no– living, at last! I’m turning a heavy lot of pages and entering a new chapter of my life.
I thought that stepping on that plane on August 25th would have been it, but as it turns out (SURPRISE! not), walking forward is a process and I am still in the middle of turning the last page before I can get to that new chapter. I think that these past seven months have been the long transition between that previous chapter, one about learning the hard way, growing and falling backwards, and the one that awaits me which, I can only imagine, will be filled with a lot of the same things but with a brighter sky and lighter frown.
I have been in Ireland for almost a month now and it still hasn’t sunk in. This might be the main reason why it has been so difficult for me to write about it (watch me try to talk here); it doesn’t feel real.
I’ve been here a while now, have settled in, even met a few new people apart from my host family but it still feels like a dream. Maybe because it is a dream… A dream come true! That’s probably too much for my brain to handle considering all the disappointment, frustration and chaos it’s been faced with over the last decade. I mean, I got what I wanted and it’s a good thing and I’m happy. How?
I believe (hope) that eventually it will feel real to me, this new reality that I’ve been blessed with. But so far it hasn’t stopped me from doing anything, so it’s not that big an issue, probably just a sign that I haven’t settled in completely and still need to adjust to that life. Like I said, still transitioning; new chapter’s right around the corner and I’m just floating right now, caught between the last page and the new one. I’ll get there.
Even if it might not feel like it yet, this is fact not fiction for the first time in years (Death Cab for Cutie just stealing the spotlight here).
I am in Ireland now. I’m an au pair now. I live in a lovely family and look after two kids and I’m happy.
I am much far away from home but I’m where I chose. I can feel myself growing and breathing. I’m good. I’m doing things and I’m ready to do much much more.
I have dreams, I have hope and I have support from all around. I am lucky. I am blessed. I am thankful.
This is just the beginning but I can tell already that it’s going to be the best adventure since forever. I know it that this big opportunity that I managed to seize will open doors in and out. My dreams are now a baby step (What the fuck do you mean, “baby step”? That was a huuuuge leap I took man, a huge leap!) closer and I’m ready to reach recklessly and relentlessly.
I’m looking forward to more days. The adventure has begun and, well… Fuck it! Give me all you’ve got, I’ll take it. The doors are open, let the adventure flood, I’ll go with the flow. I’m burning with excitement and on my two feet. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. It’s the little things, it’s the simple ones and the bigger, complex ones.
Let me just end this with a Brooklyn Nine-nine quote that I’ve grown to think will come in handy in many tomorrows that I’ll be turning into yesterdays in my future. What a sentence!
Eyes closed, head first; can’t lose!
Until next hope, let life teach you and teach you again and keep pushing through. ❤
P.S.: this definitely does mean that I am finally going to reorganize my blog and get all this mess sorted out! (maybe this weekend, although I have plans, but soon, for sure this time!)