Gallery

My sister’s birthday present!


It’s about time I share with you the painting I did for my sister’s birthday back in September!

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I was a little late since it was on the 29th, which was five days after Adam’s birthday and I honestly FORGOT. First time it ever happened to me to actually forget something so big! But I was just so focused on my little boy’s birthday present and also my whole au pair experience that I literally forgot about my amazing sister’s b-day! I remembered the night before and I knew I was fucked…

So, as the thought brutally hit me and the Universe reclaimed my heart back since I didn’t need one anyway, I jumped on my sketchbook (that she gave me btw) to find the best idea. And, thank G*d, I figured it out almost instantly; it was pretty easy.

My sister had been harassing me for the past few days with a tutorial video she found online about how to paint a tree using acrylics and she was like “I want a blue, a green, a red, and also a yellow one” or whatever. And I told her, “Well, you better get to work now!” And she insisted “But I wanted you to paint it for me… *puppy eyes*”. And so did I, “I gave mom a few brushes and nice acrylic paints too the other day. You should borrow it from her and practice for the trees.” Of course, in the back of my head I was thinking of making one for her eventually one day but little did I know (I should’ve!) that her birthday was just around the corner…

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Sacrifice ALL THE SLEEP WHO CARES?

Of course, just the tree seemed a little too “basic” for me. Like, “you’ve asked, there you go”. And that’s not how birthday presents should be. Sure, it’s more than okay to give what a person actually expressed orally that they wanted. But is that really enough? Not for someone that matters this much to me. Happy birthday means thanks for existing (still) and I’m thankful to have known you for so long. And my sister has practically raised me alongside my mom. She was my second mom as I used to call her, or more like my dad since I used to give her the school’s presents for Father’s day haha So I had to bring some more symbolic in there and make her feel something more intense when she’d look at it!

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February 1997 (a 5-month-old piece of fat)

And so, I thought about this beautiful picture of her holding me as a baby. It’s one of my favorite pictures ever and since I have it with me, I figured I could easily blend it in the painting of the tree; some way, somehow. And so I did.

Blended her body with the tree’s trunk and roots because she is my roots and solid ground. She carried me along the way, lifted me up and made me into the strong woman I am still becoming. She is my mom and my home. And so here we are in the center of the painting, hugging and glowing together. Her favorite color is green and one of mine is yellow. And the reason I went for blue for the leaves rather than her favorite color is because it is my mom’s favorite color and the ocean’s and it has always been for me a motherly color. A strong and warm(yeah I know it’s not technically but to me, yes), comforting color, surrounding us, holding us together.

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Sure, I was late and I got the idea really quickly, didn’t put a large amount of thought into it. But I put lots of hours working on it and lots of heart into it also! There’s a lot of meaning in there and it’s also very pleasing to look at. And most importantly, my sister loved it! What more could I ask for?

Until next post, love, love with all you’ve got! ❤

P.S.: If you’re reading this, je t’aime Lucie 😉

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DIY pencil holder


Today, I finally finished a little DIY I had pending and waiting in my closet for a week now. It is nothing new to me for it is something I have been doing forever since my sister taught me. In the house, we’ve always been about reusing stuff, creative recycling and just plain don’t-throw-too-much-away-we-don’t-have-money-to-buy-loads-of-stuff-so-build-your-dreams-yourself!

When I was younger, my beautiful sister introduced me to toilet rolls recycling. And as it turns out, when you just stop for a minute before you throw something in the bin, you realize there’s so much more adventure ahead of it. Also, I’m not gonna lie, my sister and I are basically hoarders and we just have that tendency to just keep things, “in case”. But anyways, not the story I’m telling today!IMG_20171111_124742.jpg

So, what I made is a pencil holder. Something that can always come in handy AND also make your desk look more organized and stylish (given these are things you aspire for). Now, they sure do sell really cool stuff out there. Simple, straight-to-the-point ones and crazier ones. Colorful, weird shapes, only one simple cup or dozen of compartments to fit a thousand pens. But, when you’re looking to save money you don’t even have, toilet paper rolls will do just fine. And you only need seven and a little bit of time!

 

What I love the most about this is that it’s really easy to make and once you’ve gather enough rolls, it’s ready in a matter of minutes! And you can customize it any way you want!!!

I went for an “unfinished” type of look. I really didn’t need it to be perfect or anything so I tried to make it look cool without doing too much either. AND I’d like to point out that I did put some orange on there even though I hate the color. I wanted to go for a colorwheel feel but put another color instead of or**ge and then I decided why the fuck?  Why should orange have less opportunities to shine than any other color just cos i don’t like it? Why should i treat colors different than people? And I just put it on! Well, quite a story we have there… haha

How to? Here are the easy steps to follow:

  • Gather enough toilet paper rolls. Seven will do but you can get more if you want a bigger pencil holder! I used six and a long one from a kitchen roll for the middle.IMG_20171111_120431.jpg
  • Get a piece of paper or cardboard and dispose your rolls on it however you want them to go. I usually do a flower shape like on the picture, with the longest one in the middle. Then trace it around them and cut the paper into the right shape.
  • Then, you just stick it onto the paper/cardboard so you have a more solid base and also, so the pencils won’t fall off if you move it around. Honestly, if you’re just going to leave it on your desk, you might not even need to do that, just glue/tape the rolls together and the trick is done! 😉
  • Then you just paint it or you don’t. You can do whatever you want to make it look good to you and blend into your desk paysage. And there you have it, a brand new pencil holder exactly how you need it!

That’s how I’ve been making them since forever. But you can get more creative with it if you feel like it. There’s tons of different ways you can revisit it and make it your own. We all don’t have the same pencil needs. Ha ha IMG_20171111_120436.jpg

I, for example, added a little(very very small, man; I didn’t think it through) compartment in the front for paper clips and whatnots. Right now I only put googly eyes in it but ya know.

I like having a tall one in the middle so I can put different things in there like rulers or plastic flowers! It turns out it was the perfect size for my long paintbrushes so they can now finally enjoy the fresh air out of their case. Besides, I think it makes it look even cooler to have brushes in there; it screams “I’M An ARtIsTT So?” 😛

Color-coding isn’t exactly my thing but I guess it can be a good idea to organize your compartments. Also, if you really have loads of time on your hands, you can add a little top on one or many of them to put stuff other than pens in there. You can also tie a string in there and hang it somewhere. And you can also cut the rolls in half and and make smaller compartments for other stuff.

Endless possibilities… I got your attention focused on the toilet rolls, now you go and be creative about it and fill your house (don’t, please) with useful toilet diy!

I do realize this post would’ve been much more interesting to look at had I  thought about taking more “step by step” pictures. But I just had no intention of posting about that. Only this morning I figured I should post about it now that it’s finished, because, considering the reaction of my Irish family, this is not exactly what comes into mind when you see the end of your toilet paper roll. Sharing is caring! Save the rolls!

My room is still pretty messy but, excuse me, I’m still trying to figure out how to work on everything I care about all the while doing my job and being the best version of me that I can be each day(even when sick/exhausted/out of it) for the kids and also socialize and go out and explore. It’s really hard. HOW! But yeah, at least I have a cool pencil holder now and my small cupboard is not so messy anymore (unless you look inside… hehe)

Until next post, may your pencils never be homeless again! ❤

Oh Deer, let Light and Darkness kiss again!


 Last week, I unexpectedly joined my family for a picnic in the woods. And, little did I know that it would not only, bring me back on my feet (I had a miserable weekend) but also surprise me in the loveliest possible way: I saw a live deer.23336382_1615479725186097_207816256_o

Growing up on my island, I spent loads of time with my nose stuck in books (mostly about animals or Egypt but honestly, just reading anything I could find lying around the house too haha) and I had never seen many animals which are pretty common in mainland France up until I went to Lille two years ago. Swans, magpies, and even ducks(I only saw a few when I was tiny but man, a long time ago..)!

I only finally saw them for real two years ago. Up until that point, it was all just book pictures in my head. Things I knew of, things I knew to be real but never actually saw with my own two eyes and so I did not have that feeling/relationship(?) with it. They had that mystery to them, some kind of magic that comes from only knowing something the way your imagination can conceive it.

And the first time I saw them, I was struck with awe. It’s almost like seeing my childhood heroes. I remember those long hours spend lying on the floor or on a couch just staring at these glossy pages in the books, examining every inch of each picture just to get a somewhat clear memory of it engraved in my mind.

I am really happy, though, to be able to say that seeing them IRL does not take away the magic but only adds on, and also more frills. Nature is scary beautiful in that fragile-though-almighty way.

When I saw the deer, my brain just went *blop* *happy* and also, many (MANY) flashbacks to the Hannibal tv series… Ha ha! I had a small though intense phase last year where I got a tad bit obsessed with deer and drew loads of them. It was at the time I had started watching Hannibal and was shamelessly embracing my love for horror and disgusting stuff. In midst all the blood and chaos, those deer that I drew brought in some light in my dark room and mind.

I got pictures of all the deer drawings that I did in that short period to display them right here, in this post, and look back with a bittersweet smile on my face.

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I honestly loved the Hannibal show. And I’d have so much to say about it, but I’d rather not enlarge on the matter. What I’m going to say though is that it brought a lot of good out me, a lot of inspiration and reflections on life, and art… And deer!! At that time, I was going through a rough patch and things weren’t really good at all; I was at war with myself and also being sat on fire by other beings whom I thought were worth all the burns (spoiler alert: they weren’t). It was a dark time but weirdly enough(or not at all), I found comfort in this show and it brought loads of good things into my mind.

And as I type this, I’m reminded that my Thomas Harris books stayed at my mom’s house, several thousand kilometers away from me and I’d love to dive back in Red Dragon now. Heartbreaking thought, I must confess. That book was so good! And what a shame I didn’t even have time to read the other two before I had to abandon them in my nest in order to take my leap and fly so far away from it. I’ll probably get mom to send them back to me or something at some point anyway, I just know it.

That deer was beautiful. I’m not going to lie, there was a drop of disappointment as my eyes found their way to the live body of what used to fuel my pencil on my sketchbook months ago. I was delighted to see a deer and really happy. And there was magic. But, the truth is that there is always that drop of disappointment.

Whenever you finally come to face with something you’ve only been dreaming about, reading about, looking at pictures of, it is here, in the back of your mouth or tickling the inside of your eyelids. That tiny drop of disappointment, tightly seated next to the tears of joy and surprise, keeping the back of your throat moist as you scream “Oh God, I’m alive!”. I think it is nearly impossible not to have expectations, as humans, as creatures that dream and hope. And, the longer the road you have to walk between the moment it first captures your attention and monopolizes parts of your mind and heart, the bigger the expectations (no matter how small), and the bitter the drop of disappointment.23269934_1615479551852781_2080742452_o

You will be excited, you will be delighted; happiness, tears, smiles and fire inside. But it’ll be here, whether you feel it or not. Sometimes, even through the happy storm, there will be more than one drop. You might not be able to feel it, but it’ll be here. It might not ruin your happy time, but it’ll be here. And I think it’s important to acknowledge that.

It’s a reminder in a way, isn’t it? That there is never just one emotion, one feeling, one sensation; never just one thing happening at once. Life is plural. There’s always lots happening at once. We’re always feeling so much at once. Different intensities, different temperatures, different shapes, different causes and different spots hit. But at once. And you get to decide where the focus is.

You can focus on the pebble in your shoe. And then, you can shift the focus and go on think about that headache you have now. And you can move that focus as much as you want, as much as your mind is able to before it runs out of energy. Or you can keep the focus on one point tiny as it may be and make it seem bigger than that big bright sun shining out your window. You get to choose. Or, at least you have the possibility to do so. The power is in your hands but I guess the battery can’t always be full enough to enjoy its wide range of possibilities.

I saw that deer and the second I did, as I had a miserable weekend and I still had my negative glasses on, I felt the drop of disappointment. And I swallowed it, and the taste lingered on but I didn’t mind it; I enjoyed it. I let it do its job and I minded my own business, took pictures of the deer and tried to get over the fact that “Wow, there is a real deer in front of me!”.

Trying hard not to make this a generalization but I’ve met quite a few people with a positive outtake on life, those striving for a happy existence, and I always feel like they are missing out on something. I’m not a pessimistic. I’m not an optimistic either. I might actually strongly be both and usually all at the same time because I’m a walking disaster. But I just don’t think that being positive and happy is about rejecting nor ignoring the dark bits, the negative points, the heavy stuff. I think it’s all about accepting light and darkness no matter the amount or diversity of what’s within you. It’s about accepting them as a part of life, as a part of you and dealing with them, and maybe just learning to co-exist again.

19250288_1615479531852783_348158042_oIn my opinion, those people that I’ve met wrongly believe that negative = bad. Sure, negative vibes are definitely bad news and can dismantle the strongest of ships and you don’t want them around. But, think about balance, think about Nature and how everything serves a purpose. Blocking out all sadness, negative thoughts, anything that’s not rainbows and butterflies is going to ruin you on the long run. These things are part of being a human and you can’t just wipe them out of the board because you want things to look neat.

Life is not neat. Humans are not tidy inside. And you have to let it in, let it happen, let it out, let it roll over you…

Some things you have to face and break, some things you just have to throw straightaway and others you just have to sit down and swallow and maybe get some ice cream to let it make its way down your throat. And it’s something you learn to do, like recycling!

You learn where to put the tin cans and the glass bottles and the papers; you learn what can be reused, what just goes to waste and what things don’t go together even though they will serve a similar purpose. And sometimes you don’t want to throw something away although it belongs in the bin but you figure out some clever way to turn it into something useful, something you can still keep in your home and you transform it with your own two hands.

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learning on and on

There’s a required balance in all of that rickety machinery inside. And it doesn’t always make sense. It’s not a simple list of do’s and don’t’s. It’s complex but at the same time, so easy. The darkness is part of life, part of light. There are dark spots in light, and light spots in darkness. And you can’t just try to wipe one side out cos that’ll mess you up. Gotta find the right middle. Equilibrium.

I’ve learned and am still learning that it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to feel down, to feel sad, to feel horrible, even when you’re in a happy place, with happy people and you are happy. Because life is not a monochrome painting. It’s as complex and simple and intense as a five-year-old’s painting. And it’s beautiful.

My darkness keeps getting brighter and my fire finally feels like it’s actually burning. I love sharing and I hope that through my words, music and art(and rare smiles?) I reach some hearts, minds or just the eyes, really and shed some darkness; the good kind. No matter how very few that might be, I hope that some people read me and that it makes them questions things, think, feel or just smile cos I’m so dramatic about everything it’s funny. I hope that whenever my darkness shines and people get a peek inside, I hope that it makes a difference to them, even the tiniest and that somewhere along the way, some way, somehow, it helps them.

Until next post, let yourself learn, and let your darkness shine. ❤

Pause and try to keep the timeline real?


I want to start off this week with a clear-ish idea of what my next moves are going to be and in order to do so, I need to take a few minutes and look back on this past month.

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It’s kind of weird when I think about it, that I need to write down a list of things that I’ve actually experienced in the very close past for it to feel real? I mean, this is beyond the whole “pinch me, I’m dreaming” feeling of being in Ireland and being happy! It’s just the way my memories look inside of my brain, when I write it and talk about it, it actually brings back the feeling of them and it reminds me that they’re real. It makes them more tangible in a way, my mind can better grasp the concept of them being past but being real, and it’s a little less blurry. Just need life to feel a little less abstract?

I’ll just jump right in with a concise bullet point list of the bigger things that popped up in this life of mine. I’ll keep the awakenings and deep thoughts for other posts though, haha.

  • TFB put out a new album and I fell in love with them AGAIN
  • I got a left-handed guitar. (Super big deal, but appreciate how calm I can remain about it as I type this sentence without going all crazy with CAPS EvERywHERE)
  • I met Kim again and also a very good friend of hers!! ❤
  • I finally dived back in my music theory books and am trying to gain back those tiny bits of knowledge I barely had before
  • I got a new phone which is equally confusing me and amazing me. The qualityyyyyy
  • Hotel Books also has a new album out and my ears/heart have been blessed and wrecked by this gift
  • I bought two books
  • I had an anxiety fit (tiny) like I hadn’t in a long while and it ruined me for two days
  • Went to the woods with my family and saw a live DEER!!
  • New doors being open before my wide eyes…

Things have been really calm. And, besides my guitar being a really BIG deal, everything else that happened was just like a smooth and natural addition to the big painting that did not cause so much tumult. Well, the new music did get my emotions to go a little sideways and all but…. Man. Now that I wrote it all down, I realize that there really hasn’t been this much happening at all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Slowly, I guess, is a good word to describe it? A slow fast tidy mess. Sounds good to me. But things are happening, or at least, I know that they will. I KNOW. I just can’t mention much yet because I’m scared of getting too excited about it and then having it just snatched from my sweaty hands… Sometimes I pause and I’m like, “Damn, Life has indeed scarred me.”Ha. It’s probably not that bad a thing although it often stops me from showing/experiencing any enthusiasm or happiness which actually sucks big fucking time. I’m not even sure if I’m excited about it anymore. In a way it does keep my feet on the ground I guess. But more often than not, it just ruins the fun of it all.

Anyway. Point is: shit’s about to get real. And I better brace myself cos I’m not fucking ready and it’s gonna be big and only get bigger and OH MY H

Still trying to keep up!


Poor time management.

It’s past eleven and I’m sick, so I’m not gonna beat around the bush. The only reason I haven’t had the time to write in what seems like forever is because my free time is like a wet soap in my hands. Every time I think I got a good grip on it, it slips right outta my fingers and onto the sink and then it’s a slippery mess in the sink as I try to grab it back. I have loads of free time, even today as I was on babysitting duty all afternoon and night. LOADS. Yet, somehow, I end up doing so little…

It gets really frustrating sometimes, you know, since I have all these things I want to do, all this hard work I heartily pile up upon my shoulder while I convince myself that any drop of laziness will only result in DEATH. Much needed pressure, honestly. I’ve gotten way more serious about wanting to achieve stuff these past two years. I’m craving full devotion to my passions but my complete lack of organization and adulting skills is making it hard. I’ve tried setting up a schedule for guitar practice/music theory and make sure that I digest these scales quickly and practice everyday. But… The truth is I haven’t even finished getting that schedule down… Which just doesn’t help in any way! x)

Anyways. I’ve put the kids to bed two and a half hours ago already and somehow, I’ve only just now started typing! I’m gonna try and get some posts ready for the upcoming week because I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to write during the week at all… We’ll see how that goes! I really feel like I need to get back to writing more often on this messy blog of mine. I need it to assess my progress in life and process what’s happening to me. I need it for introspection. And, I feel like I’ve lost some of my depth??! I mean, I’ve just done so little thinking and looking in lately that I just feel more stupid than usual; like I’ve lost touch with myself, a little bit…

It’s hard keeping up. I’ve been here for a little over two months now. I’m completely settled in. I know the streets. My family is home. I’m completely fine and comfortable. And, honestly, the only real issue for now is my relation to Time. Hopefully, sooner than later I’ll get on the right track but for the moment, I am an out of step mess.

Those two months felt like a dozen but at the same time, flew by faster than a week. And this week, as it was mid-term break and the kids went to Halloween camp, I had more free time during the days but ended up doing less things than on the usual school days.

I’ve never had a good feeling for time if that makes any sense. Even when I was still at school I could never keep up with what day it was or anything. I still knew like, what classes I had and what I had to do, but don’t ask me about the date because I’d have zero clue. I guess I’m good at digesting  routines. I do it so well that it eventually becomes second nature and I don’t even have to wonder about the big lines. Auto-pilot?

What I’m trying to say here simply is that I had all the time on my hands but I dropped it onto the floor and every time I tried to pick it up, I kicked it with my feet. I still did some stepping forward, but penguin style, I barely moved in the end. Ha ha!

I am honestly trying to get on the damn track but I guess that I’m still adjusting. And I don’t realize it because I feel so goddamn comfortable already! When you check the facts, I’ve only been here for a little while and I am indeed probably still adjusting to everything. But with things going on so smoothly and my feeling so settled in my little Irish nest, I just keep forgetting how new it all is and that might be where it blocks. Constant confusion, ha!

I’ll get there! In time. (lolz)

My first evening art class, 09.26.17


Last Tuesday, I attended my first evening art class at the community school. It was 3hours-ish long but it went by so fast. We were a small group, I would say less than twenty, and only three of us in our twenties (I felt it coming to be honest, I guess it’s the hours). And, long story short, I had a lovely time!

Since I started taking drawing seriously a year ago, I can say that I have greatly improved already. This first class was focused on taking the pressure off of drawing by looking at things from a much simpler point of view. We worked on three different things (although some people just worked on whatever over thing they actually felt like; chill, I swear, chillllllll atmosphere).

The first exercise was to copy a drawing which the teacher gave us, but upside down! That was so we weren’t focusing on the drawing as a thing but rather on the lines and their thickness and shapes. And it is amazing how just turning a piece of paper upside down can help! For the first quarter of the picture, I actually thought I was drawing a flower… This is what I spent most of the class working on, because I am very slow when focused (I realize that now and will work on it!) and I really wanted to finish it — I didn’t. I barely copied half of the picture by the end of the class so I finished it at home. Also, I ended up giving up after a while because I really wanted to move on to the last exercise!

 

I loved that exercise because it helped me be really focused and the final product really isn’t that bad! I know that if I had tried to copy the image the “regular way”, I would have struggled A LOT by allowing myself to get scared of the hands and face and overall size of the person. And that was exactly the point of it! I was so focused on getting all those lines to match the original ones and it was all I cared about. Seeing it as a person is a scary thing but shifting your perspective and seeing the picture as only a bunch of lines is not scary, it’s just technical and precision work.

Looking at the problem from a different angle to realize that in fact, it isn’t a problem at all, rather a slightly challenging hill to go down on. We’re not climbing, we’re rolling down. After all, that’s what a drawing is: a bunch of lines put together in a certain way to create a bigger thing. Do not see the mountain as a humongous rock but rather thousands of small rocks and pebbles. That’s the lesson this first class taught me and it shall help me through art and life in the future.

The other two exercises were all about exploring the different grades of our pencils. I barely spent a few minutes on these although I don’t think it is any less important than perspective. Know your tools!

My first impression of this class is a really good one. I love the calm and artistic atmosphere. I feel like this teacher is going to be one that I actually learn from and enjoy listening to. The two people I have talked to are the reason I enrolled in the first place; to make friends with the same interests as me. I don’t think that I can get an actual opinion from just one class (and the first one, that is!) but I honestly believe that I made a good choice and that these Tuesday evenings are going to bring me lots of joy and art clouds in my heart. And also, you know, I’m just in love with watching people being passionate about what they’re passionate about (yes sentence) and looking at old people just doing their things.

Help, there’s so much good happening in this life of mine now I’m afraid I won’t have enough room for all the happiness!

I’m looking forward to next Tuesday to see Rosaline again and get to know more of these people and work some more!

Until next post, just go for it; come on, go on! ❤

P.S.: Today, I have painted on a small square canvas a beautiful picture for my sister’s birthday (09/29) as a belated gift (cos yeah, I forgot….. BUSY WEEK I’M SORRY TTwTT) and I shall post it later, after she receives it in the mail! 😉

 

One month gone already!


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Today, it’s officially been one month since I’ve joined my lovely host family and since I am literally living in Ireland. It went by soooooo fast! So, after this busy week and busy weekend that I’ve had, I’m taking some time to breathe and look back a little, acknowledge what happened and squeeze out some more good juice out of these past few weeks.

The first two weeks went by in the blink of an eye. The kids adopted me pretty much instantly, to my greatest surprise. And I felt comfortable from the get-go. I knew from the moment I skyped with them that they were gonna be amazing but when I met them IRL, and after having spent just a day with them, I realized they were much more awesome than I could have imagined. I know I like to exaggerate and this might seem like it, but really, it isn’t. They are good people, so nice to me, easy-going and I feel oh so good around them.

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The routine wasn’t so hard getting into. It’s pretty simple really and it’s just a matter of getting used to it. I am still not able to wake up at 6am in order to have breakfast before the kids and get on with my business before I wake them up, but I’ll get there eventually. Having not had an organized life for the past two years and especially these last six months where I would just sleep whenever and paint/sing all day and sometimes go out to get food; it’s understandable. I need time. But this is just a detail. Once you know it, you just do it and it slides like butter on bread(what).

So, those first two weeks, I spent just adjusting to the schedule and trying to learn how to fit my painting and music in my free time. I spent a lot of time in the house; scared to go outside. But eventually I got to meet some Spanish au pairs and we hung out in town together. And just last week I met some French ones. Knowing that there are a handful of people other than my host family that are aware of me, is reassuring and I have no doubt that I will be able to build strong bonds with a handful of people during this year. I had a lovely weekend with Marta, a French au pair who lives really close to me; I really like her. And, surely, I will meet more people with whom I “click” and can enjoy something bigger together than just hanging out(nothing wrong with that but I need to walk in deeper waters, ya know).

I haven’t had much adventure going on just yet. Nothing crazy to tell. No big stories really. It’s been a really chill month. I adjusted very quickly and so did everyone else. I feel like I belong and not like a weird parasite that’s just sucking the life out of them. I feel good. They truly are amazing. And, having heard some other stories from the au pairs that I’ve met, I can only emphasize how LUCKY I am. My family is just the best and I’m happy.

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Blackrock Castle

I love feeling how we’re all just growing more and more comfortable with each other each day. Like I said, we were already pretty okay from the get-go. But we’re getting closer and it’s such a nice feeling to experience!

I love the talks I have with the parents in the mornings or evenings, when I’m having tea or when I get back home after a day on my own. And I love the different feelings I get from talking to the mom and from talking to the dad. The different topics and perspectives. They’re really cool people, sweet and chill; I love them. They care about me and it shows and I’ve grown so fond of them already. Like they’ve been gone all afternoon and evening to a wedding, and I swear I’m already missing them but I won’t admit. Ha ha!

I love the kids and how they try my patience sometimes and I just have to learn over and over. They help bring out the best of me. It’s not always easy, but they’re very sweet kids and they fill me with love. And my favorite thing right now is that, three days ago I taught them how to say “I love you mommy”(Je t’aime maman) in French and they just keep saying it to me. And it is so cute and, man. Pinch me, I’m dreaming! LIFE IS REAL

Simply put, I love everything about being an au pair, here and in this family. I know everything would’ve been and felt much different with some other people. But what I have right now is more than gold. I am so thankful!!! And I can’t wait for more days!

I will have more to say as the weeks and months go by. For now, this is all there is to be said. They rock, I love them, the city is beautiful, I’m happy and ready+fueled by their support to reach for the sky. This is more than I had dreamt of and man, is it beautiful to be where I’m at right now in my life.21935605_1575832765817460_1439178978_n

This week I’m starting my art class and I can’t wait to see what that’s going to be like and what it’s going to bring in to my life! I still have so much to see and so many people to meet. And I still have so much work, so much to build before I get those dreams of mine running. I’m excited and I’m on my way.

Up we go! 😉

It feels weird to be treated so well, to be in a non-toxic environment, to simply be a person among over people… I come from a polluted place; I stomped outta the door, my feet are clean now. I let go of those toxic relationships I clung onto for the last few years and I felt so lightweight… So lightweight that the winds of change flew me away to a land of greener grass. Honestly, not holding any grudges but fuck ’em. Thank you guys, but fuck you. I’m glad you’re out of my life, leaves more room for better friends; I’m glad you aren’t taking up all of my time/thoughts, leaves more room for love and light which I’ll now spread. I am very much alive. I am happy. And I’m only getting started.

Until next post, don’t stop believing. ❤