For the sake of creation..

Standard

Hey everyone, it’s been a while.

I just wanted to share with you something that I posted on my YouTube channel yesterday after months of radio silence. It’s a lazy version of my song Mind Loan with an unplugged Nostrum on a rainy day.

My voice has suffered from this almost too literal radio silence but it’s not the only thing. But that’s a story for another post.

As imperfect as this video might be, it is the start of something brighter. This is the best that my voice has sounded these last few weeks as much as it far from what I’ve learned year I am and could be capable of.

But that’s the thing. I didn’t need it to be polished or perfect or stand up to any standard I could set. It just needed to be. For the sake of creation and for the sake of me.

Sometimes, you just have to make something and throw it somewhere to be seen, no matter how it looks or sounds or feels. Sometimes, when you’ve taken quite a hard hit, you need to be reminded of the fire in you, even by the tiniest of sparks..

This video and this post too I guess, are the new sparks of hope and small rush of confidence that I do badly need right now. Something to remind that I can and always will get back on my feet! 😉

This post is the first of the four (to five) last posts of this blog. I need a new start and it’s going to have to be without Lost Storm.
Fear not though, I am working on a completely brand new blog which will surely be the exact same as this one; but I just need the blank canvas to really feel like I’ve moved on, this time.

safety match (original song)

Video

Loads of things happening lately, guys! I’ve got some really cool songs on the way and some done as well, which I’ve been performing a couple of times already at the open mics. In time I will share them but for now, take this raw one I “finished” this morning.

Crack my bones like matches, I can be your light

Lift me off the ground, I’ll come back to life and I’ll

I’ll be a place that can hold both your brightest smiles and all your darkest heartbeats

Crack my bones like matches, burn me to the ground

I will rise again and bloom inside your loving arms

And I’ll be your home, your light, the fire burning in your eyes

If you just say the word I’ll rip my heart out of my chest for you

Crack my bones like matches

I will follow you into the darkness, I promise

If you just hold my hands we won’t get lost

We’ll be just fine, we’ll be alright, we’ll be okay

This Isn’t Me || original song

Video

Hey guys, I’ve still been struggling to adjust to the routine, two weeks back into school. I have not been very much productive but I’m really trying to get back up.

This is the song that I wrote last month about having to play the (right-handed) host guitar for weeks and weeks of open mics because my own guitar did not sound good enough for me. It felt like a necessity but it drove me mad at some point. I was really frustrated not to be able to play Nostrum and be all of me and the best I can be with my current skills. Gladly, now I have my pedals so any time I do play the host guitar, I don’t  feel like a travesty!

This isn’t me
How could you know
When all you ever get is this?
But it’s not me..

Maybe I’m a fool
But I think that I know myself
Better than you do

This isn’t me
Well, if it is, I’ll find
A way to leave it all behind!
You should know,
I’m really good at leaving things behind
If you think you know me, you’d be surprised.

One day you will find me standing where I’m meant to

One day you will see me in all my brightest darkness

Last Monday night, I had a woman come up to me telling me how she loved my songs BUT her only regret was that they were so short!! And boy, do I feel this! Ha ha But I was playing right-handed! Which means I played Running Gag, the untitled self-heartbreak and this song. They work really well on the acoustic and there’s a nice dynamic to them. They’re also real simple and well, very short. I enjoy playing them but even for me it feels too short. Each time it just leaves me on the edge of my seat.

I’ve been playing these songs a LOT these past two months though so I’ve gotten real good at them. And, actually, my overall performances are getting better as well! No more shakes, more control and ease! It all feels so good and I’m always looking forward to the next one!!

This is all I can write for tonight! But I’ve been meaning to write about my summer, which I might, if I can shed some of my lazy-skin, be able to post before next week!? We’ll see!

Until next post(whenever that might be!), keep trying! ❤

Running Gag (original song)

Video

This is about never giving up, even when life gets you down and pain&fear grips your throat tighter than skinny jeans.

Words:

I keep turning the pages of this book that makes no damn sense

And it’s hard to keep my head in the game when my heart’s in pieces

I don’t know where I’m going to

But I gotta keep running

I’m terrified of all that’s to come

But I can’t stay down and dream this life away

There’s pain and lies and blood and fights

But there’s still light and love for me to find

So I gotta keep running

I don’t want to let bad experiences and fear hold me back.

It’s easy to just sit back and refrain from trying. You can build a nice little empire in your head without ever having to struggle and suffer; a dream world. But I refuse. And I know that there’s Light and Love everywhere.

Gotta keep running through the pain and fear and remember that this is all perfect and beautiful, only not in a fairytale way.

Remember, fear is fuel to your fire. Eat it. Don’t let it eat you.

Until next post, keep running! ❤

What are you without me?/What you are without me

Video

After a two week break, I’m finally back to working on my voice and music! So, today I posted a Brandi Carlile cover on my channel: here. And I’m here to share with you something else.

It’s been a while since I wanted to do this, putting those two songs side by side in a video! At first I thought of working on a transition but then I thought “nah, fuck it”. So, no transition, just two brothers chilling together. Haha

As always, I got a lil tangled at the end of the second song but I still managed to keep a somewhat OK thingy going on there.

Anyways, no real big deal, and surely nothing new. But I think these are my two favorite songs I’ve written so far. I really like Dry Mouth also!!

Until next post, keep practicing! ❤

What You Are Without Me (original song)

Standard

So, I wrote a part two type of thing to my song What Are You Without Me? And here it is:

I really don’t have anything to say about it because the lyrics say it all.

The words:

Have you found somebody new

To take care of the jerk that you are?

Are you wishing on the moon

For a friend like me again?

Cos if you are I’ll let you know that you won’t

Find somebody like me

Find somebody as crazy

Are you still a piece of shit

That needs to bring everyone down to shine?

Are you still a selfish prick

That takes & steals & breaks & hates?

I know it’s childish

But you called me a bitch first

I know it’s in the past

But how could I forget?

I bet you’re still a piece of shit…

Wouldn’t have changed you even if I tried!

Bet you’re still lonely and dead inside,

But I still wish you the light

Maybe one day you will find somebody to show you how to love

If you are

I’ll let you know that it won’t surprise me if you don’t change!

But you know what?

After all, I still do hope that you do find somebody like me

To love your all, and if you do,

I hope that it turns out to be somebody better than you!

Thanks for your time! Cheers! ❤

Dry Mouth (Original Song)

Video

Here’s a song I wrote a couple of weeks ago about not being able to write songs:

My voice had some trouble coming out (you should have heard me warming up… a disaster! hehe) and my fingers had forgotten how to dance, but in my opinion, this is still pretty decent. Especially with the huge lack of practice + unhealthy amount of caffeine in my body!

I will be recording a better video next week, but for now that’ll be it! I’ve just been dying to share it, and after those long four days of break, I was bursting to share it.

The ending still needs some work. Which, of course, you can’t really tell since I mess it up in this video, haha! But overall, I think this is a really good song. I love the melody and how the chorus picks up.

I think it accurately describes my frustration and this longing… I just want to create but, sometimes it just won’t happen, and it kills me because this is how I breathe. And like I have mentioned, I do have loads of song ideas, drafts and things to say; but it won’t come out.

And I think it is funny how this song literally dropped out of my mouth while I was crying about not being able to finish the others. It’s almost the exact same story as when I wrote Dead Pen a couple of years back!

Round in circles…

Anyways, I don’t have time to chat right now! I must work on my Italian now and then finish working on special presents for E!

Here are the words that did come out:

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say
It’s just that my words have left me
It’s not that my heart isn’t broken
It’s just that my mouth is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For the words to fall right out
But my guts refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait here

I hear my voice but I don’t know who she is
I write down words but they mean nothing to me
I stab my own heart but the blood it won’t come out
It’s just like my soul is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my hands to dance freely
My fingers refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait…

I’ll wait forever if I have to
It’s nothing without me, I’m nothing without this
I’ll wait…
I just don’t wanna fade..

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my voice to burst right out
But my heart it just won’t show
So I’ll just have to wait.

In the Mourning by Paramore||cover

Standard

I posted a cover of a Paramore song on my YouTube channel today, and it’s not perfect.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it is terrible. I know it’s okay and that I am actually good at the things I love doing. But that doesn’t make me any less aware of my mistakes and when there’s room for improvement.

What I am saying is that I am simply not ready to actually perform this, not even just to my host family. Ha ha But I’m getting there!!

There were mistakes that could’ve been avoided and I could’ve simply tried again for a better take. Then why did I post it? Because I wanted to. Ha!

Although I know I could’ve done better, I’m still happy with what I did. And posting it online just helped me realize that I have indeed been working. I had a really slow morning where I felt like I wasted most of my time and I was beating myself up over it. But after I posted this on my channel, it showed me that I was actually doing work and trying hard and that I needed to chill my horses.

That’s why I keep posting clips on Instagram and sometimes unpolished videos on YouTube, because it comes with instant feel-goodness. There’s a faint feeling of fulfillment whenever I post it, no matter how much room for improvement there is. I’m like, “yes, I did a thing” and what better thing for an artist to make a thing?

Also, I need to keep track of and document my progress as I go. Not only because I’m lacking storage space on my phone. (hehe) And honestly, I think I am responsible for than half of the views on my own videos/posts because I’m always going back to see where I come from and how much I’ve improved!

Like Philip Toledano put it, “there are two requirements to be an artist: to be narcissistic and to be delusional. Can’t lie; I’m guilty of both to some extent. Let’s not forget a pinch of self-doubt and an exaggerated amount of perfectionism? Alright, I’ll work on my definition…

Anyways. I’m over waiting for it to be perfect to put it out there! People need to be aware that things don’t happen overnight, that the road is long and also that humans are only humans. Just put it out there. You’ll get better, and that way, it’ll show.

Until next post, don’t be so hard on yourself! ❤