In the Mourning by Paramore||cover

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I posted a cover of a Paramore song on my YouTube channel today, and it’s not perfect.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it is terrible. I know it’s okay and that I am actually good at the things I love doing. But that doesn’t make me any less aware of my mistakes and when there’s room for improvement.

What I am saying is that I am simply not ready to actually perform this, not even just to my host family. Ha ha But I’m getting there!!

There were mistakes that could’ve been avoided and I could’ve simply tried again for a better take. Then why did I post it? Because I wanted to. Ha!

Although I know I could’ve done better, I’m still happy with what I did. And posting it online just helped me realize that I have indeed been working. I had a really slow morning where I felt like I wasted most of my time and I was beating myself up over it. But after I posted this on my channel, it showed me that I was actually doing work and trying hard and that I needed to chill my horses.

That’s why I keep posting clips on Instagram and sometimes unpolished videos on YouTube, because it comes with instant feel-goodness. There’s a faint feeling of fulfillment whenever I post it, no matter how much room for improvement there is. I’m like, “yes, I did a thing” and what better thing for an artist to make a thing?

Also, I need to keep track of and document my progress as I go. Not only because I’m lacking storage space on my phone. (hehe) And honestly, I think I am responsible for than half of the views on my own videos/posts because I’m always going back to see where I come from and how much I’ve improved!

Like Philip Toledano put it, “there are two requirements to be an artist: to be narcissistic and to be delusional. Can’t lie; I’m guilty of both to some extent. Let’s not forget a pinch of self-doubt and an exaggerated amount of perfectionism? Alright, I’ll work on my definition…

Anyways. I’m over waiting for it to be perfect to put it out there! People need to be aware that things don’t happen overnight, that the road is long and also that humans are only humans. Just put it out there. You’ll get better, and that way, it’ll show.

Until next post, don’t be so hard on yourself! ❀

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