Color Me Undead: a poem and a drawing


COLOR ME UNDEAD

Sunshine is a false friend.

The weather never stays the same inside this hurricane:

Sky’s grey, then blue, then white;

There’s sun and then it rains.

I just never know when it’s safe to rest.

I gotta keep on the move

Always, even when I lose my groove.

Paint me, pain,

For I am a canvas

And I’ve been blank for too long now.

The ground isn’t very stable.

I keep falling in these muddy puddles.

They take away my colors; leave me numb.

Mean cycle; recycle…

Mom, rock me back to my cradle.

Sunshine is a false friend,

The storm it never ends!

Paint me, pain.

Paint me again,

Over and over again.

Give me a face.

Give me hard times.

And, please, leave a trace.

Weather forecast calls for the peeling of my soul.

Layer by layer I melt away

Under the merciless waves

Of this self-perpetuated hell.

Acid rains devour my core.

I barely bleed as I lose my skin.

Colorless; colorblind; who am I?

Paint me, pain.

Help me be again.

Show me I’m alive,

Not living in vain!

Show me who I am!

Show me that I can

Be more than a stain…

There’s still blood in these veins

And strength in these legs.

And next time,

When it rains,

Come back faster to me, friend,

And paint me sane & chained!

Color me undead;

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The drawing was fueled by Halfnoise’s EP The Velvet Face and Paramore’s latest song(which I’m so asdfghjkl about). So I was really feeling that colorful but mournful vibe. Which was already pretty strong with my post Pain is a color and I’m a rainbow.ย And the first draft of the poem was fueled by the drawing. And then the real thing was fueled by the storm and insomnia and also eating a green apple past midnight.

It’s 4AM, I’ll try to catch some Zs now. There’s so much I need to say; I’ll try to write a post and let it out, maybe this week, maybe later, I don’t even know anymore.

Until next post, don’t eat apples after midnight and get some sleep โค

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Latest drawings


I’ve been posting them mostly on instagram lately mostly, so here are the three last drawings I did this month. The pics’ quality is as usual pretty lame but you can still get a good idea of the thing on the paper! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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The last one I finished just now. There’s this quote from my post “Pain is a color and I’m a rainbow. Darkness isn’t necessarily black.” which popped in my mind as soon as I picked up my crayons and inspired me to draw this self-portrait.

I still haven’t managed to finish my first draft of Chapter VII of Uncage and man, I’m so tired! I really want it to be over and done. I need to finish that story! It’s just so hard to squeeze it out. I need to try a little harder!

Anyways. That’s it for today. I’m not feeling so good, pretty tired. Tomorrow I gotta be somewhere and it’s making me anxious. I’ll surely write about it when I get back. If I survive, I mean! ๐Ÿ˜›

Until then, just keep those vitamins coming and drink lots of water! โค

Xmas presents


I’m finally able to post pictures of the charcoal portraits I gave my family and friends for Xmas. I’ll put the originals on the left so that you can get a better idea of the actual quality of my work, hehe ๐Ÿ˜› Here we go! (There’s gonna be a lot of words so you can just do like my little brother and skip toย the pictures! ๐Ÿ˜› )

I’ll start with the one that took me the less amount of time. It’s a portrait of my little brother I drew for my mom. I had already started it months ago and had drawn the outlines, roughly so I had a base to work with. I guess that’s why it went faster than the others. I think it was about 45 minutes or so.

 

Mom really liked it and had my sister laminate it!

Now, onto the next one which also took me about 30 to 40 minutes, Leslie’s. This one, just like the next ones, I jumped right in and didn’t work with any sort of base so it was a bit hard to get the right proportions cos I’m a n00b but I still managed somehow. It’s on a little A5 kraft paper.

She also loved it (or so she said! ๐Ÿ˜› ). It was the first one I did actually so I guess that makes it even greater an achievement; haha!

Now, here’s a portrait of my sister and her baby. This one took me about six to seven hours, I’m not gonna lie. Not working with outlines or just a few guidelines is really hard, especially when you’re not very experienced with drawing. So I really struggled with my sister’s face mostly and you can see that the result isn’t very lifelike (not saying the rest is either actually x) ). But I guess it’s still good work after all! I had a hard time focusing too and spending so much time on it (even though it wasn’t in one sitting: I did spread it over two days if I recall) made it harder and harder as time went on. But I’m still satisfied with the result! ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t think it’s super good, I realize it’s not but I made it with love and that’s what matters! ๐Ÿ˜‰ And she liked it too so whatever. I’ll get better and make greater ones to make up for these mediocre ones!

And the last one is a portrait of my best friend and her boyfriend. This one is the last one I drew and I believe I started it on Friday afternoon and finished it on Sunday morning, the day before I took the plane. I was tired but I pushed through. It took me a very long time, I’d say about eightย and a half hours spread over these three days.

I had to take really long breaks cos I was getting cranky and felt like burning the whole thing up several times. I started it over three or four times. At first I intended to draw it on a small A5 piece of kraft paper, just like Leslie’s but I couldn’t get it right and tried on an A4 one. I thought it’d help me breathe and get it right eventually. I cut it to a square cos dammit I just couldn’t be bothered to draw outlines or anything and just kept jumping in and hitting my head on cold hard cement!

I swear at first they looked so horrible I figured it’d be better off destroyed cos it was more of an insult than a gift… When I finally got it right, you can’t believe how relieved I was! Then I was able to work on it “normally” and have fun again!

She absolutely loved it! It isn’t that good but also isn’t as bad as the picture shows still. Some angles makes it look way worse! ๐Ÿ˜› But she liked it, hey, so it’s gotta mean something. I got really tired doing it so I’m just really glad I managed to get something somewhat okay after all these hours of argh’s and ugh’s and almost tears!

FUN FACT: just yesterday, Lilly informed me that her cat peed on my drawing and ruined it… She feels really bad but I’m not mad, really! x) I actually find it funny. Ha ha I’ll make her a more beautiful one! ๐Ÿ™‚

I chose to work with charocoal at first cos I remembered how easy it was to do the Winnie the Pooh drawing I had done days ago. I figured it’d all go fast and look good and I’d be able to only play guitar and video games until it was time to pack my bags! Obviously, reality was a little different… But I made it!

What helped me the most was the music. I made sure I used the fitting music for Lucie’s portrait (which was a mix of Atomic Kitten, Mariah Carey and the Sugarbabes) and Lilly’s (the first five or seven Pokemon theme songs on repeat!) and it helped me greatly cos I struggled so bad for these two!

Alright, so that’s it! Hard work and love; the best ingredients for a lovely present. Who needs sleep when you can make someone you love smile with the fruit of love and insomnia?

I almost died making these cos I had only five days to make them, still hadn’t packed my bags and it took me so long and I put myself under a good amount of pressure. It was a last minute decision and then it turned into this big thing that I had to do and quickly for the sake of Xmas. It got extreme fast and I had a hard time not pushing myself but it was all worth it. If I hadn’t been so hard on myself I would’ve probably not finished on time or just gave up.

They loved it; it was worth it! โค

Oh, before I forget, I also gave my ukulele (aka Crash) to Lilly as a present! I’m going to miss him but I think she needs him more than I do! Also, I’m trying to get lighter so that I can travel more freely later this year!

Done for now!

Keep practising whatever it is you like doing and remember than doing it is more important than being good at it! And also, presents don’t have to be perfect or expensive; the heart is all that matters. โค

I like raw


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I’m supposed to be working on several things to try and save what can still be saved of this semester, so it’s only natural that my keyboard and shirt are both covered in charcoal. ๐Ÿ˜›

I’ve been “at it” for three days now and I still haven’t actually started the damn essay. I also have to study for a whole bunch of tests but I’d like to pretend I don’t have to for now pleaseย  Really hard to focus, for a change, but the good thing is that I’m feeling better and I’ve managed to do something I like! Sure, it was mostly fueled by the frustration of having to do something I literally have zero interest in doing but that’s still something!

I love Winnie the Pooh. I always have and I ALWAYS WILL! Nothing can replace this bear and his friends in my heart. They can cheer me up like even my favorite bands and ice cream can’t! Right now, I have at least 10 things in my room that have Winnie or the full team on. And back home, in Reunion Island, my bedroom walls are probably still covered in Winnie the Pooh special birthday paper plates (fyi, I didn’t do that, my mom did but I love it :-p !). Anyways so, when I grabbed my sketchbook and charcoal sticks without thinking, the first thing I saw was Winnie having a picnic with Tigger and Piglet and so I drew.

I’m really happy with the result, really. It was a bit rushed and I was trying to remember what I had read a month ago about ways to use charcoal. I’m still very new to it but I think that’s really great. It doesn’t look like a finished product but I don’t mind it. I’m learning to let go, move on. I can be quite a perfectionnist sometimes (Oh, don’t you mean ALWAYS?!) and it’s not always necessary. Sometimes, it’s okay to just leave a first draft like that and move on to something else. I’m learning to be okay with not having to finish something for it to a finished product.

Meaning and beauty can still be found there. And sometimes actually, with being so desperate for a finished, smooth, complete “product”, you end up taking away these two crucial elements. How many times have I butchered what was a really interesting project because I kept feeling that need to smooth out the edges, work more on that color, add a little more details?! I sincerely can’t count them. I’m not saying that it always is bad to do that. What I’m saying is that I need to learn to know when to stop working on a piece and move to the next.

Art doesn’t have to be perfect. And neither do I.

I still have to write that damn essay though… :-/ Wish me luck!

And be brave out there, strive for that imperfect perfection. Keep it raw; embrace the flaws! โค

P.S.: did I mention that I’m a bit sick? Makes it harder to wanna write that essay ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Here’s an awesome quote from an amazing artist to end this post on a brighter note:

Stay beautiful, keep it ugly.

-Gerard Way

Thinking about home….


I still miss my homeland very much right now, especially after one full year away! But, my heart is beating cheerfully just to think that I’ll get to visit my family again and sooner than it feels! Indeed, I’m getting financial help from the district council (they give away a little amount of money toย students that left for their education to help them come back for a while and visit their familyย ) and that means I will be able to buy a round trip ticket which are expensive as fuck! And well, that sure puts me in joy to know that I’ll see my little brother and mom soon and I’ll get to meet my nephew!

So, with all my thoughts directed to a little volcano floating (not really) in the Indian Ocean, ย I drew a little something while listening to Brandi Carlile’s Wherever Is Your Heart and Hard Way Home. Alright, I’ll admit I listened to the whole Firewatcher’s Daughter album; couldn’t resist! Ha ha ๐Ÿ˜‰

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I was messing around with Faber-Castell polychromos pencils, you know figuring out how to use the damn thing. As I’ve probably mentioned before, I’ve never been really good with colors but I didn’t buy fancy named pencils just to know I’ve got some! I’m rather proud of it, mostly with what I managed to do with the island.

There’s some kind of nice effect going on and I really like it! However, I’m not so proud of the ocean. I was a bit impatient today when I finished it so I kind of messed it up. So I tried my best to fix it with some baby oil… This isn’t exactly how I intended it to be but I still think it’s nice!

And before you ask, this is no way near the way beautiful Reunion Island looks! ๐Ÿ˜› Just go look it up on Google, you won’t regret it I promise. There are some very talented photographs out there that captured its beauty. So rich and generous. I love every bit of it! And I guess that if you can afford it, it’d be a really nice place to go on your next vacation! ๐Ÿ˜‰

There you go! Let me know if you like it!