Feeling g(.)(.)d

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pardon the silly title he he

Today was such a beautiful day. In a very simple way. And I just feel so good! So, here’s me, writing a blog post about this beautiful day.

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I went for a walk this morning, straight after dropping the kids to school. Usually I take the bus to the city, so I can read a bit and then walk back home, but I wanted to try something different. And so, I called my sister and walked all the way to the city. One hour under the warm morning sun!

When I reached the city, I had a quick debate with my sister whether I should go for a coffee or not. And eventually, I settled for an ice cream, which I devoured on my way back home!!! And from then on, I just got some nice little surprises. From the smile of the busker to whom I gave my change to the group of French tourists I helped. It was a lovely morning!!

And then, when I got back home, I only had enough time to have a snack and practice my guitar scales.

 

I was not so productive, although I did go through one of my theory exercises. (Just now.) It’s a “sight-playing” exercise which I’ve been struggling on for the past two weeks. And this time, I actually managed to play through it all with a click on (70bpm… hehehe). I mean, I did make loads of mistakes but I kept playing anyways, adding some silent bars and beats here and there! Ha ha

Although I wish I had done more, I am completely at peace with it.

Another thing that I talked about in the videos for channel #2, is how, apart from feeling overall good, I’m also just feeling very happy with my little empire that I’m slowly building.

These past few months, I have become more aware of all the progress that I’ve made ever since I started working on building this empire. And I’ve been giving myself more credit for all the distance that I’ve walked already! Although I am fully aware that I’ve not even reached half of it, I am proud of myself for having gotten so far. All the hard work (stubbornness) is starting to pay off…

I’ve done loads of looking back, and remembered of all the immense struggles that I used to have when I had just started learning the guitar/singing. It fills me with confidence and powerful hope, and never fails to bring a smile to my face. I am now capable of doing things that I once thought I could never possibly do. And I have overcome most of the things that used to hold me back!

There’s a lot more skills, a lot more confidence and way more natural and magic! Which is something that I was telling my host dad last night, as we shared a beer in the back garden and joked about Robert the pigeon.

As you may already know, I’m always looking for the light everywhere, and there is a special thing that I see in everyone which I like to refer to as “a spark” or “un je-ne-sais-quoi” for when I’m feeling French. And that spark is something that I’ve been feeling pretty much in everyone. From my favorite artists to my friends whose art resonate in me.

And the thing is that I am now starting to feel it in my work… Like, last night, for example, as I was listening to What You Are Without Me with my host dad, I could feel some sparks in the music, filling the air with a strange, haunting, magic. And it’s crazy because, it is my voice; it is me.

And you know what’s even crazier? It’s that I can feel it, inside of me, that it is happening. Soon. I can see it slowly building in my hands, as I write better songs and manage to reach more people. And I can feel it deep inside that it’s all just around the corner. And it is terrifying!!! (I will surely elaborate on that feeling on another post pretty soon.)

But it also makes me so happy.

This is the main reason I came here in the first place anyways. To get my empire rolling. And, guys, not to jinx it, but it is happening!!!

When I come back from my holidays (which are in less than three weeks now!!!), I will be jumping head first in! And I just can’t wait…

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Life is good. I’m in such a good place. Things are looking up.

I’m more me. I’m creating more and better. I’m happier and healthier! And surrounded by such supportive and kind-hearted people & a pigeon.

Things are almost fully on the way! I’m seeing my family again in three weeks.

My songs are cool. I’m cool. Robert is cool!

And the new season of Arrested Development is finally on Netflix!

What is there not to get excited about?

I want it all!

Anyways, until next post, make sure you keep looking for the light! It’s always there. Not always the color you’d expect. But it is real and it is everywhere!

I had such a beautiful day and it’s only Tuesday, so hopefully that’ll help me rock the rest of this week!! ❤

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My art journey so far…

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Hi everyone! Story time!

It all started back in January 2016…

That’s the month I decided to start getting serious about life and start doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do. University was making me miserable and eventually, four months in, it finally pushed me towards where my heart was this whole time.

It’s kind of crazy that I had to wear myself out doing things that I didn’t care about in order to open a door which wasn’t even locked in the first place. In fact, there wasn’t even a door. It was just literally right next to me. I just preferred touching the things that were further away and not even real. All the while being fully aware that it was next to me and that I should have been giving my heart to it and nothing else. It is pretty silly, but I guess sometimes it takes what it takes…

So, I started a blog, I bought a sketchbook and all sorts of art supplies that looked appealing. And it’s also the month I bought my first left-handed guitar and started a healthier music journey.

Here is my very first sketchbook which I bought from a very French shop in Lille:

 

 

And I customized it as best as I could, dressing it up in my favorite people’s favorite quotes. (By the way, these Lynz quotes are like, so important!) And, I swear, everytime I would open it, it felt like I was opening a window on such a bright horizon!

And then, the magic happened…

I still remember the first time I attempted drawing anything, which was in fact, in a different sketchbook, and how it blew me away.

See, the thing is, I had always kept in mind this idea that I was simply really bad at drawing and kind of accepted it as my universal truth. When I decided to get serious at it, I was ready for all the hard work it would take me to get to a fairly decent level because I knew that I was starting really low..

So, when I put my pencil on the page and these happened:

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I couldn’t believe it. At first.

Then, I could totally believe it. And maybe it filled me with a little too much confidence which led to some disappointment when I tried out drawing again the following days and I was not creating masterpieces.

It was only a test to see how well I could follow a simple tutorial, and even my preliminary lines were a perfect match to the tutorial! Which I had certainly not expected since I had never been good at copying things. And I nailed it. So, I expected to nail everything from then on, which of course, was purely a fantasy…

However, from that moment on, I progressed on and on and faster than I ever thought was possible! Things just clicked so easily and I unlocked brand new patience slots every single day, I forgot the meaning of “impossible”!

The amazing thing is that, all the things in the first part of that sketchbook, even the most mediocre sketches are still so many levels higher than what I thought I was capable of at the time! The last time I had actually drawn anything before that was for my highschool drama group and it was far from that quality!

As I said in the video, it’s like my decision to dedicate myself to art pushed open a door from which skills just came pouring out, as if they had been held back this whole time, but never locked away.

I like to joke that it all just fell from the sky and hit me in the face. But I don’t believe this sort of things can happen that way. It had to be here all along, laying silently, patiently, waiting for me to call…

An incomplete tour of that 2016-2018 sketchbook:

 

 

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At the end of it, I wrote a little looking back note, which I read in my video. That was back in last December, which is when I finally finished this sketchbook! Phew!!!!

And that was a big relief, finishing it! Because I started it so long ago and it held with it not only the memories of all the places I went to and carried it with me, but also all of the storms that I had to keep running through. Which is both a good thing and a hard one. But I think that’s what makes it so precious… As you flip the pages, you can see the evolution of both, my mind and art skills. It’s the perfect document of my journey from & through Lille to Ireland.

I’ll hang on to this sketchbook for as long as I can, not because I need a reminder of where I started from so I can fully celebrate my growth, I’m not gonna lie. I think it is mostly because, as much as it hurts, these are parts of the past that I can’t let go of.

At least not yet.

Oh, how I’ve grown!

It started with a spark. Which didn’t come out of nowhere but from the depths of me. And I’ve been burning ever since. Different intensities, different colors. But, burning on!

Here’s a little side by side of “firsts” from that period and latests:

 

Both as an artist and a person, I’m in a much better place now. I am capable of more and willing to try harder. I’m happier and healthier! I’m stronger, more determined, more dedicated and focused. And, man, have you seen my last painting???

The road was long and dark and bumpy to get here. But I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned a lot about myself and the world. It sure hurt me, but it also forced the best out of me. Gotta learn the hard way when you’re born to be wild! hehehe

Now, I’m looking forward to all that’s to come. All the lessons and the learning. The new skills and the acquisition of all the knowledge. The creations and discoveries. The people and the things. The places and the moments. The smiles and the tears.

I’m grateful for all that’s past and all that is present. And I’m looking forward to more life.

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Literally best selfie of the day. He he. Looking forward!

And, I think that’s it! Proud of my progress and looking forward to more! Because there’s nothing like getting more and more comfortable in your own little universe. Being able to fly freely-ish in my music and art is a big goal! 😉

Until next post, keep working and keep believing! ❤

Tree sketch in my new sketchbook!

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This was a sketchbook that I bought with the intention of using as a travel journal. Which I did, for a while, until I realized… I don’t really have a use for a travelling journal. I don’t travel this much lately anyway and also, it’s simply not really my thing.

Anyways, I am really proud of this tree sketch that I started yesterday and finished today. It’s my first page and it kicks ass!!

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I’m growing very fond of Faber Castell’s PITT Artist Pens, to be quite honest. I loved them from the start and, although I didn’t really know how to use them properly, I knew it was the sh*t! And now that I’m getting used to them, I can only confirm how amazing they are! My favorite has to be the soft brush types because it gives me so much freedom of movements. And also, guys, the colors are !!!!!!

So, here’s a side to side of my tree and the reference tree outside of my house:

 

 

I really enjoyed doing that!

For one, because drawing outside is actually pretty fun! And also, because this little pointillism thing I’ve got going on for the leaves is both fun to do and beautiful!

So happy with this! And looking forward to filling out this sketchbook!

 

I still have another brand new sketchbook to start filling also! It’s an A4 one that I bought a couple months back cos it was 10€ instead of 25 or something!

There’s no such thing as too many sketchbooks though, am I right? Haha

Until next post, cherish Nature, please! ❤

Hard working rhymes with self-loving!

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Last week I took a break. Tried. And it was really hard.

But during the last few hours of it, I eventually had a breakthrough. And now I’m back on the road, at a slow walking pace, trying to catch up with the image of who I’m trying to be.

These four days were intended to be a “mental health break”, where I would let go of all the necessary and unnecessary pressure, and focus on feeling good. Relax, as Esther likes to say it. It was supposed to calm me down and help me find my way again. Kind of like a “spring cleaning” of my mind, sorta???

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It was hard to step away from work! Simply because “work” literally consists of all I’m passionate about. And also, it wasn’t easy to ignore the loud voice that always goes: “you gotta work harder or you’ll never get there on time”; ‘on time’ referring to my time, as in whenever I’m scheduled to die.

I had to resist the cravings to open up my books or pick up pens or bring out my guitar. And, at first, it was the hardest I had ever had to try not to do work!

But eventually, my body settled into a more relaxed, as in lazy, mode of life — which I actually used to be very used to, years ago.. And so I had four days that were very different from whatever lifestyle I had settled into ever since I got here.

Although they didn’t bring me the peace I expected, they really helped my sanity and body. I did loads of walking and watched loads of my favorite shows, and, most importantly, I let go of some of the pressure.

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If you know me, you know I’m not one to take breaks, and certainly not long ones.. But I’ve just been so stressed out these past few weeks that I had to do something about it. What motivated me to take action was that the small breakdowns just kept happening and it was both draining and frustrating.

Anything would be enough to make me feel defeated and get me on the floor. And it made it so hard for me to go through each day, accumulating disappointment and frustration. All I wanted was to make some progress, get things done and get better at everything. But I only got the opposite and it was down right irritating.

It created this crippling fear in me with the daily anticipation for the small struggles, disappointment and I-want-to-bang-my-head-on-the-wall’s. Every little thing felt a thousand times bigger and it weighed on my back, which was bending too much I was scared it’d break.

The last straw was fucking up my guitar restringing… I felt so heavy when I realized I fucked up. It was the most defeated I had been in a long while. I wanted to give up on everything!

And the thing is that I instantly knew why it made me feel that way. Which doesn’t happen all the time! You know, sometimes you need time to cool down and think back on a breakdown to realize which cat pushed the vase off the table and how that is why your foot is bleeding. what the hell did I just write

One, because I was so stressed out that anything that would come in the way of my work and “jeopardize” my progression towards my goals would freak me out. And two, because I was utterly disappointed in myself for failing at doing something I thought I was good at.

I mean, this was changing the strings on my guitar. Musician 101. And I thought that, even though I still don’t have that much experience, I could actually handle it and do a decent job on my own. It was kind of a slap in the face. Very small. But it was enough to throw me off my foot stool (which, with the edge of my bed, constitute my desk, aka working space, ha ha)… A small mistake, which can easily be fixed, and my whole career was annihilated!

And that was it, the moment I knew that I had to step away from it all before I would completely lose my marbles.

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I was overwhelmed that even breathing was too stressful

Now, I think that the reason that this happened is because I do not ever take real breaks. Small ones. And so I just keep pushing and pushing and pushing… And eventually, the tiredness and pressure accumulates and I only realize that I should stop and take care of myself when I’m so close to breaking. (Which is not that bad a thing! At least I know when to stop!)

I gotta work on that. I am working on it, as a matter of fact! I think I am finally starting to learn how to learn from my mistakes! Hip, hip, hooray!

I am thinking in a healthier way now, including breaks in my routines and allowing fun activities to relax in between the grind.

When I read what I just typed, I realized how silly it sounds. But my head is literally so focused on what is to come out of it, that sometimes I forget myself completely in my hardworking ways. And so I have to remind myself that I am a person behind all of those dreams and goals, that I have to take care of myself because without me, there is no me.

There you go, I made it even sillier! 😉

But what I mean is that I am at the bottom of it all, the foundation of the dreams. Healthy body, healthy mind. All of that. I sometimes get so absorbed by the idea of hard work that I neglect myself which is a big issue that I must work on fixing for the sake of all. If I can’t stand, nobody will drag me to the other side of the mountains and then nothing will be possible anymore.

There’s only one door to all possibilities and that’s me.

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I gotta take better care of myself for I am the only one that can turn my dreams into reality.

This is a hard concept for me to comply with because, like I said, the over-achieving-hard-working-gotta-make-it-happen part of me always gets the upper hand. And that hand is a hard ruling one; an imperious one, dare I say! And that little dictator has that unhealthy way of correlating “fun” with “slacking off”… So, I guess that is why it is hard for me to learn that working hard doesn’t mean “always beating yourself up and neglecting the poor little human that you are”.

You know, people always say “Don’t let them kill your spark!”. But I think that what we should say is “Don’t beat the dreams out of yourself!”. Have I said that before? (yes) Because sometimes, by dreaming too hard, we kill our own fire. And that’s one of the things I kept telling myself during these four days, this is not what music is all about.

I have been too overwhelmed lately. Not just by work. Although, it is part of the problem. There’s been too much tension and frustration. And I was feeling miserable. Which is definitely NOT what art is all about.

Art is my safe place. It feels good and it makes me feel alive. And it should always feel that way. But I let my demons eat away at me again and I let them go too close to the fire and they got a bite out of my dreams..

But I’m bouncing back up now!

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My break didn’t really relax me. If anything, it stressed me out some more. I was just trying so hard not be stressed out at first, that I got overwhelmed. Took me a while to find back the “easy going” way.

But it made me remember something…

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I don’t exactly remember it, but I know I mentioned it in several posts last year, because that’s when this new point of view came and changed my life. And this, my friends, is a very crucial key for me to keep moving through life. Don’t let the fear paralyze you; instead, let it fuel you. Work through it. Work through the storm! Not because you’re scared means you shouldn’t even try.

And I realized that, lately, I had let the fear eat me up and this is not okay.

It’s time to kick those demons in the ass again, remind them where they belong. I know they can’t leave, and I’m kind of fine with them staying; that’s not what I’m asking. What  I demand is that they stay put in their place. I am in charge. They are tied to the tree while am roaming free!

So, I am ready to get my shit back together now. We’re two days after the end of my short break and I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been really nice to myself and letting it happen. I’ve not been pushing too much and my head is up. I’m doing my best!

I am happy because I know that I can count on me and knowing what I know about me, I’m glad to know that I’ve got my back. I know this is weirdly-phrased but what I mean is that it feels good to be able to trust yourself like this and know that you are enough, you’ve got all it takes to provide for yourself on this crazy adventure!

Now, this is a long post like we hadn’t seen in a while, ain’t it? I’m glad I got all of this out! I am so ready for a more self-loving hard-working life and I can’t wait for you guys to hear the new songs! Also, there will be paintings soon with my mom and brother’s birthdays coming in June!

Plus a special little BIG news…. hehe

Until next post, remember to be kind to you and to everyone else and do not let fear stop you! Coexist with your own storm(s?)! ❤

The right to sleep.

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Life is a constant struggle. Ain’t it?

There’s always so much you want to do and always so little time. And it’s so easy to get distracted or lost and waste that time in very silly ways. This is what I’ve been wrecking my brains over lately: trying to use my time wisely. Which is mostly why I picked up on the whole bullet journal trend!

You know I’m all about… everything, right? If you look at my tracker, you’ll see music theory, guitar, voice, art, writing, reading and Italian fighting their way into my daily life. And, of course, on top of that you have my desperate needs to keep a social life and a healthy body. Of course, you’ll tell me, it’s hard to manage all those things at once, why don’t you pick one? And I would probably very rudely answer, “No.”

I don’t wanna and I won’t. Because that’s not the issue. There is enough time in a day to fit at least a consistent 75% of these. It doesn’t have to be everything at once, but a nice amount of… a couple of them. Or maybe just one but really intensely then. Or maybe I’m just delusional… yes

The real issue is that sometimes I get lost in silly daydreams and I let my time slip right outta my hands for a hollow ephemeral mental bliss. It’s like a fucking drug, I swear. I’m trying to fight that because it is not the healthy type! And it’s also double-edged because in the end it brings more pain than pleasure, and more anxiety than peacefulness as I panic over all the time that I just lost.

As I’m really serious about those things, I want myself to be sincerely dedicated to them to make them move my way and as fast as possible because I’m getting tired of waiting! And sometimes, I get really tyrant-like with myself…

I’ve got this really unhealthy belief that I do not deserve rest or distractions or treats unless I have worked what I consider a considerable amount that day. I do realize that I need sleep though to be able to go on and keep working hard the next day. But I do go to bed feeling really guilty and shameful if I haven’t done at least half of the work that I had in mind for the day.

I’m working on it, don’t you worry. But easing the grip around my neck doesn’t mean self-discipline is out of the door. I still think that treats are earned. Sleep, on the other hand, should not be on the bidding table(is there such thing?).

Anyway. I’m writing all of that just to dramatically state that tonight, I have earned the right to sleep.

This day started out pretty “meh…”. Bad vibes and then, I’m not going to lie, a lot of dancing around and fooling around instead of serious work. And then it got turned around. Although I only had a mere hour and a half out of my four hours of daily morning free time, I did kick the shit out of it.

I didn’t work so well on my voice or guitar. But I practiced the two songs that I have been learning (Girl Crush by Little Big Town and In the Mourning by Paramore), in order to perform for my host family and eventually at an open mic session or something. Just to get me started. And it’s taking me forever And I posted a cover on my YT channel. AND I got yet another song idea!

And then, tonight, I have completed the first draft of the last chapter of my story Uncage the Night. And I posted here on the blog, aka the place to be! 😉

This is why, I have earned the right to skip my Italian revision tonight and go to bed (still gonna read a bit first, though) before eleven!

It feels good to get things done! And it feels bad to waste my time. Why isn’t it so simple as to just stop doing the things you know are wrong? Meh; where’s the fun in that?!

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Until next post, sleep, my dude! ❤

A productive day!

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Today was pretty intense! And also, it flew by so fast!!!

I managed to do a lot of work, which I’m really happy about.

Tuesdays are usually my “soft” days in that, since the cleaning lady is here in the morning, my free time is dedicated to music theory practice. Meaning, I do some sight-reading and various exercises in the two guitar workbooks that I have.

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Today, I completely nailed this ear training drill on intervals! It made me so fucking happy, I swear!

I had some struggles with the sight reading exercise when it came to playing with the metronome. But just reading the notes, I can do. I cannot just yet read&play as I go. But, in time, it’ll happen. Ha ha! And anyways, I kept at it through the headache and I will practice the same exercise again this week.

Like I had planned, I also did two Italian exercises on irregular verbs in the morning. What I hadn’t planned, though, was the time it took… I thought it would be a matter of fifteen minutes but as it turned out, I spent a solid 45 minutes on it. And that’s because I was really serious about it, translating the sentences in both French and English as I worked on them. I guess it was the thrill of having bought a new dictionary haha

I also, of course, did all my chores. And, the only bad thing though is that, I was so thrilled by my work that I forgot to work out! (Which I will make up for tomorrow!!! 😉 )

And last but not least, I just finished my first draft for the next chapter of my story, Uncage the Night. It will be published by the end of this week. I’m not sure when I’ll finish it exactly, but it will be posted before next week for sure.

Anyway!

All those words just to say that I am very satisfied with the amount of work that I got done today, even though I didn’t cross out everything on my list. I’m really, really, really pleased by this day. And although I would love to write more and ramble on about my satisfaction and pride, I must go. It is super late and I need sleep. Yet another long-short day tomorrow!

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happy productive cookie

Until next post, get enough rest! Can’t walk the walk if you can’t even leave the bed! ❤

“Don’t beat the dreams out of you”

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There’s so much I want to do, big things I want to achieve and I do realize that the only way to get there is to work and work hard. And you know what they say, with great dreams come great… frustration. Yes.

I’ve been prey to frustration for a while now so I’ve learned to work through it and I’ve got my ways to cope with it and overcome it. But these first three months have brought me a big wave which I wasn’t expecting, me being a hopeful cookie at the start of this new year, and it got me down a bit. And so, I’m writing this post as a reminder…

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I always hear people telling me “I’m being hard on myself” and I’m always like “uhh, no?…” I see where they’re coming from, and from their perspective, sure, it kinda seems like it. But from my perspective, I could use some more self-discipline! It’s just because I’m setting the bar high and I can’t be satisfied until I reach it (SPOILER: hasn’t happened yet) and go beyond.

I’ve got big goals, big dreams. And the frustration comes from the fact that, in all the bigness of ‘my life as I intend it to be‘, I am so small. I’m barely getting started and I’m only taking baby steps. Even my big steps end up feeling like baby steps when I look back. And that’s frustrating because I can’t seem to move as fast as I would like to.

That is not a good thing because I usually end up turning that frustration into a stick to beat myself with. Well, that sounds weird!.. But what I mean is that I end up getting mad at myself, or just intensely disappointed whenever I feel like I didn’t work hard enough on everything. Which is pretty much everyday lately.

And that also leads me to feeling unworthy of things like a movie or a little snooze in the morning. Because of the whole work/reward thing, you know? My brain is very good deed-treat orientated. You gotta deserve your fun, you know what I mean? As much as I think that’s the way to go, that is not okay and I’m working on getting back the right balance of discipline and necessary down time.

Anyway.

The thing is that, I’m trying. And I am working. Maybe not as much as I’d like, because I can get lazy or distracted, I run out of time, of energy, etc. (Or I get sick or it snows all of the sudden and we’re all locked in the house. Ah, life and its many surprises. I’m still not over it… >w<) But I am working. So I gotta stop saying and thinking “I didn’t do anything at all this week” because I did. And I have proof.

I have an “action tracker” in my bujo which is basically here to track what I do. There are many things in here like some skills I’m trying to develop (left-handedness or Italian for example), habits I’m trying to EX-TER-MI-NATE (like snoozing or endlessly scrolling down my social media feeds) or vastly decrease (my chocolate and dairy intake… 😦 for the sake of my voice!), or things that I know I gotta do to keep healthy (working out and socializing HAHAHAHAHA). And, of course, I track my investment in my big pillars. They’re the ones right at the top of the page. Guitar, music theory, voice, sight reading and art.

Side note: I also track my interactions with my family. Just to point out how terrible a sister/daughter I am. Lolzor

And so, last night I was just about to beat myself up once more until I opened my tracker and looked at it as I was filling it for the day. Yesterday, I knew that I was wasting my time, just fooling around and did not work on the things I had planned seriously enough. But when I looked at my tracker, it made me realized, I did something. And I’ve been doing things, even when I feel like I didn’t do anything. Because, I have such high standards and such violent dreams that I’ve started to see whatever is under a certain amount of work as NOTHING.

And that, my friends, is some big fucking bullshit and it has to be stopped.

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I posted this picture of my tracker on my Instagram last night as my thoughts merged into yet another reminder to celebrate every victory. I’m pretty sure I’ve written a post about that already (HERE).

No matter how small a victory might seem, it’s still a victory and, in fact, it’s always bigger than you imagine. Baby steps are still steps. At least you’re trying, and at least you’re moving, even if slower than you’d like. It’s still progress. And that is something. Because some people only spend their life dreaming and wishing. And you, even if you’re not the Usain Bolt of dreamers-achievers, are moving closer to those goals of yours by the hour.

Back in December, I had a quote right next to my tracker to remind me that success is indeed found in the act. It might not have felt like much but my tracker shows I’ve actually been doing something. It wasn’t much but it sure wasn’t nothing either. The quote is from one of Robin Clonts’ painting videos when she speaks about the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Monson and how it helped her. I think you should watch that video by the way, because it touches the subjects of perfectionism and failure and has really nice advice in it!!

Use action as [your] motivator. And find success in the simple act of creating.

It gets hard sometimes. I know. It can get really dark too and frustrating. And sometimes you might even feel like giving up, no matter how much the thing you’re working for matters to you. But I’m here to tell you, don’t put so much pressure on yourself or you’ll get burned. You’re only human. Sometimes it’s hard to find enough energy to work as hard as your hope-filled mind dreams of. Sometimes emotions take over or life gets in the way. You can’t always be 200%. Don’t expect all your days to be filled with intense work and so much sweat you’d drown in it. Because they won’t. And they don’t have to be.

Progress is a process. And it’s fine sometimes, especially when you’re still at the start of your journey, to go slow and take small steps. I know it’s hard and frustrating, we all want to be super good at it already. But it doesn’t work like that. The key is perseverance. Keep at it. And don’t let go. Some days will be more productive than others. Just don’t lose hope and don’t lose sight of that bright horizon. Keep swimming towards it.

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It’s more than okay to have high standards (and only people with low standards will tell you otherwise… like, no, don’t aim too high because I don’t so why should you? Screw that and aim over the moon if that’s high enough for you.). But don’t beat yourself up too much. A little kick in the ass goes a long way. But you’re still human and you can’t expect yourself to keep working on something if it only brings more struggle and negativity in your life. Know that it’s okay to rest and okay to take a break. And remember to celebrate every step because, big or small, they are all part of the journey that leads you to wherever that is you wanna be.

Don’t lose hope and remember what you’re fighting for and why you’re fighting for it. Don’t lose sight of the goal but don’t lose sight of the flame inside either. The second worse thing you can do, the first being giving up, is let your journey to turning your dreams into reality become a hassle and a must-do, have-to, self-torture one. It is not easy but make sure it is still enjoyable. Because you’re doing it out of passion not obligation.

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“Keep your feet in the clouds”

Self-discipline is required. But don’t beat the dreams out of you. Make sure you have a healthy relationship with yourself and your work. Keep your body healthy, keep your mind sane enough and then do as much as you can but don’t drain your own spirit. Don’t let frustration take the good away from you.

This post is more for me than for anyone else. Really just speaking to myself. But I’m sure some of you needed to read that anyway. If you did, don’t thank me, thank yourself. And feel free to share your frustration in the comments (nobody will read them anyways hahahah jk).

Until next post, embrace the baby steps! ❤

P.S.: here’s my Facebook profile picture from when I was 16 with the quote that accompanied it (followed by a “Until my fingers bleed <3” haha cute

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“Get frustrated, cry… Then pick it back up and prove to yourself that you can do it anyway!” – Lzzy Hale