Waterfall in the clouds on cardboard.
And then, we have some clouds which I painted in my sketchbook as a test to see how it handles acrylic paint!
That little painting session on the patio this evening was a really nice way to end the day!
I didn’t have time to write about yesterday as I came home really late last night and I was exhausted!
I went to an open mic session to see a friend I met back in February in the vocal workshop, and she introduced me to everyone. I didn’t perform, but I had a lovely time! And now I feel like next week I can actually go and perform!!!
And on my way back, I had the best taxi driver ever, he just made my night even better!! We had a really nice conversation and he made me very comfortable & happy. (And, if you’re reading this, I’d like to say thank you again for being so nice!!)
So, I had a lovely time and hopefully next week I will be performing in that pub! My first real performance ever!!!
To be continued…
I hope you enjoyed the painting!
Until next post, embrace being late! The Universe made you miss that bus for a reason! 😉
Still listening to City of Stars on repeat. Painted this last night. I was still trying to practice some floral moves for my mom’s birthday present, but I lost all control. The song drove me there. I love my story behind this painting, but I won’t share it out loud, just so you have all the room for your own interpretation! 😉
I’m not as proud of it as of my last painting(click here if you haven’t seen it yet), but like I literally just said, I love what it tells and it’s pretty colorful which feels good to look at. And yet, there’s still a little bittersweetness that linger in the back of my mouth when I look at it.
Until next post, keep dreaming through the storms! ❤
Needed some practice before I start working on my mom’s and brother’s birthday presents. I haven’t painted anything since E’s b-day present!! So, I’m a little rusty and I want my family’s paintings to be as good as it gets!
So, I painted this, on a piece of cardboard:
I originally intended it to be orientated “upside down” so that it would look like the blue flowers shed their leaves into the fire. But after thought, I realized it would be perfect the other way around! Anyways, here’s some details:
I am so proud of it, honestly! It came out a little messy since I didn’t plan anything, and so my layering was a little “nonsense”, as Emily&Adam like to put it. But the colors are so vibrant and the story it tells is subtle enough that it doesn’t refrain you from enjoying the vibrant colors!!
Here’s a song I wrote a couple of weeks ago about not being able to write songs:
My voice had some trouble coming out (you should have heard me warming up… a disaster! hehe) and my fingers had forgotten how to dance, but in my opinion, this is still pretty decent. Especially with the huge lack of practice + unhealthy amount of caffeine in my body!
I will be recording a better video next week, but for now that’ll be it! I’ve just been dying to share it, and after those long four days of break, I was bursting to share it.
The ending still needs some work. Which, of course, you can’t really tell since I mess it up in this video, haha! But overall, I think this is a really good song. I love the melody and how the chorus picks up.
I think it accurately describes my frustration and this longing… I just want to create but, sometimes it just won’t happen, and it kills me because this is how I breathe. And like I have mentioned, I do have loads of song ideas, drafts and things to say; but it won’t come out.
And I think it is funny how this song literally dropped out of my mouth while I was crying about not being able to finish the others. It’s almost the exact same story as when I wrote Dead Pen a couple of years back!
Round in circles…
Anyways, I don’t have time to chat right now! I must work on my Italian now and then finish working on special presents for E!
Here are the words that did come out:
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say
It’s just that my words have left me
It’s not that my heart isn’t broken
It’s just that my mouth is dry
I’ve been waiting for so long
For the words to fall right out
But my guts refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait here
I hear my voice but I don’t know who she is
I write down words but they mean nothing to me
I stab my own heart but the blood it won’t come out
It’s just like my soul is dry
I’ve been waiting for so long
For my hands to dance freely
My fingers refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait…
I’ll wait forever if I have to
It’s nothing without me, I’m nothing without this
I just don’t wanna fade..
I’ve been waiting for so long
For my voice to burst right out
But my heart it just won’t show
So I’ll just have to wait.
Previous chapter: here
First chapter: here
This is the end of the story. Last words from Leslie, as, she too, moves onto a different book.
I don’t know where I am… I’m scared. I don’t think I am real anymore.
I’m sorry, mom.
I’m sorry, dad.
Mitch… What are they going to do to you?
I remember everything.
I wanted out so much that I fooled myself into believing that I was actually alright. Despite all the signs of every demons in my head still being here. The depression; the anxiety; the insecurities; the addictions; everything was still here. But I looked away.
Twisted mind twisted so much it squeezed them out…
I was weak and broken, it must have been so easy for them…
How long had they been lurking in the shadows of my cracked mind?
The darkness I had always feared sat inside of me since the beginning, silently waiting to fall.
And whatever entity I had absorbed was attracted and fueled by it.
It ate my nightmares; it freed me.
It ate my body; it used me…
I could hear them inside my head. Whispering, shouting, crying… They said things I would never dare repeat. But I can promise you that, no matter how evil, there was still light in these entities. The faintest of light; but still.
They were in pain. And lonely. Just like me. Maybe that’s why they picked me, because they understood… At least, that’s what I’d like to believe. But, they probably just picked the most convenient vessel to get in. I was there, wide open and too feeble to fight back; all theirs to take.
I could hear everyone else also.
At first I could only feel what they felt and their intentions. But gradually, it went deeper. Deeper into their thoughts, even the ones hiding in dark corners, and deeper into their bodies. I could hear heartbeats, feel body temperature and hear every swallow, every blink and every joints clicking. I could even predict what they would do, say or think next.
I could hear the blood running through their veins and every rumble of their hearts, like ticking clocks. When they were scared– the more scared they were, it sounded like music… It reminded me of a melody that I knew so well…
The river… It was like the river was calling out my name.
Those horrible things that they were doing– things that I was doing. I let them. I permitted it. They used me, but it wasn’t without consent. Part of me said “yes”, straight away, even when I was still resisting their influence.
A war that had already been lost…
They fed on my disorders, my fears, my tears but also on my every single smile. They greedily stuffed themselves. And as they grew — quickly– they opened doors inside and they nested in uncharted territories.
The blood. The screams. The surreal paintings. Those colors… Those sounds…
I was terrified. But I got a taste for it eventually. I kind of wanted more.
They ended up using my own dark thoughts as a fuel for their darkness. I didn’t mean them. Not all of them. Not all the time. Sometimes, I’m even sure that I wasn’t the one thinking them. It was probably them. I mean… All the hate and those dirty images…
They melted into me. Intertwined for the eternity that this weekend lasted. It made it hard to tell if it was me enjoying the horror or them. Both?
They used my own rare light to fuel their darkness. They drained every bit of me, yet somehow, I had never felt less empty.
It was so much pain at first. But eventually, I grew into it. Or, they grew into me. I was their home and they were… Me. It didn’t feel right but they showed me so much more of what this reality has to offer. I saw things, heard things that I would’ve never witnessed had I carried on living.
Death was a slow bumpy ride. There was pain, but lots of joy.Too bad I’ll never get to write a song about it. Ha ha!
I’m glad it’s over. For me at least…
I feel sorry for everyone else left out there. I wish it would never find them. But I know it will. I saw it through their eyes. The future…
I feel sorry for my family and friends…
Will they remember me?..
Who… Who is there left to remember me?
They are all dead. All I loved. All that loved me.
Everything that I took for granted. Everything that didn’t even belong to me in the first place. Everything is lost. Out of my reach.
What a tragic ending. I didn’t even get to say goodbye…
The river is calling me again. I can feel my soul resonate to the sound of Her song.
There has to be something bigger waiting for me out there. I’ve always been wandering through life like a lost soul, doomed to roam. I feel like I have finally found the place to go, a place to heal.
I know it is not the river that I used to go to with mom and dad. But it’s calling out to me. And it promises warmth, peace and music, family and even Pixie…
I just hope it’s not yet another lie.
Here we are now, the end; which, for both, Leslie and us, only leads to a new beginning.
I hope you enjoyed the story. If you have any questions, feel free to leave them down in the comments or message me. Anyway you’d like. I will be writing one last post to summarize the story and my journey of writing it soon, and I will also answer questions there!
Tell me what you thought, I’d love to hear from you! 😉
As for me, I’m glad this finally comes to an end, although I will definitely miss the characters.. But, oh well, they’re all dead anyways!! Ha ha ha ah ha aha hahahahfzohzohuisjhxqgkzdlcqgjgkj
Watch out for that next & last Uncage post that will bring closure to this long bumpy ride!
Until then, keep reading! ❤