From home to home.. to home again.

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It’s four in the afternoon and I am sipping on some red wine because in my body it really is closer to 9pm. I’ve never really suffered from my travels back and forth through different time zones but this one hits differently! Haha!

We left Reunion Island last night around 9pm and made it to Cork, not without some twists and turns, this morning at 11.
The way home was long and that carbon footprint is etched in my soul, but we made it in one piece. It’s nice to be back in Cork!
(We are looking into offsetting options to make up for those very much needed trips to my family six thousand miles away. I wish things were simpler sometimes or just cleaner, I guess.)

Our holidays were amazing. Very hot but enjoyable.
We only went to one museum as most of the time was spent home with my family and down by the ocean. My mom adopted a new dog, Foxy, and he has the fluffiest of butts, we were all head over heels for him.
We got a lot of rain too so we played a lot of Uno with my brother.
However, on our way to the airport, we were oh so very lucky to get a look at the volcano’s eruption as it just started!!

We only took two pictures of this and they don’t really show much:

If you want to see more of the Piton de La Fournaise’s latest eruption, you can head over to Facebook to check the observatory’s page or just look it up on the internet for some professional pictures of this beauty!

I don’t have many stories to share with you, they all belong in my heart and mind but I have some pictures as promised, don’t worry!

I will just put them all here in a little slideshow as I don’t have much time on my hands right now. I hope you enjoy them and they maybe inspire you, some way, somehow.

It was wonderful to be with my family for so many days and to have Billy with me too.

It made me really happy to finally introduce him in the flesh to my mom brother, sister and nephew (and of course the cats!). I had never felt like my family was really whole until now and seeing all of them together was something else..

Time flew really fast but I think we did make the most we could out of it. I cannot wait to go back again or maybe fly them to Cork this time, now that I actually have more than a fiver in my pockets at the end of the month haha

It wasn’t too sad to leave for once because I was leaving home but also coming back to another place that I call home. I will miss my mom and my ocean and everything in between. But I’m okay here too, safe and happy, and that’s a wonderful feeling.


The next post I will publish after this one will be the last of this blog, guys. I’m afraid that’s why it’s been harder for me to write ”proper” posts as I am used to lately; I guess I really need the fresh environment to start expressing myself again.
Don’t worry though, I will explain where else to find me in that post when the time comes so you can still read my stories and about my life and art if you want to.

As always, thanks for your time ❤

A very happy birthday

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Yesterday was my birthday, and although I was sick and still a little sad, it was the sweetest of birthdays I had in a while.

My boyfriend gave me the best presents and made me a lovely breakfast. We had his parents over for tea and they surprised me with a small tea set and a card and some wine!! And then we had a lovely quiet night to ourselves, watching a movie, sipping on our red wine in our light bulb glasses hehe

It was quiet, warm and perfect. I am so happy to be where I am now and surrounded by the sweetest of people. It was a beautiful birthday and now I can’t wait to fly back home for one more present: to see my family and my island again ❤

My ten days back home.

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I’m not really sure where to start but I will remain as honest as I can afford. It’d actually be easier to just sugarcoat the story and call it a day. Frame that bright picture, put it up on the wall facing the front door, so that it is the first thing you notice when you walk into this perfectly folded paper house. If you know me at all, you would know that I am not about that life.

And, lately I think I have somehow gotten caught up in a weird state of being which is nothing like me at all. And I can’t stand it. I am trying to set things right, meanwhile I blame it all on summer.

But I will keep this honest because it is the only way. I don’t want to lie to myself and I want myself to remain real and express myself freely, especially on my virtual bubble. Non of that censoring bullshit over here. We’re doing it live! Let’s go!

First there was the excitement which kept me standing through the twenty hour long journey that seemed to never end. Then, there was the immediate feeling of “ugh” once I stepped into Paris; body and mind overcome with the most sincere conviction that I wouldn’t ever settle down in France if i ever do settle down. And then there was the indescribable joy of seeing my mother’s smile in real life after a full year of having a little too far away from her.

On the drive back home with my bff, it felt really nice to recognize everything, every single bit of the roads and mountains, the sky even! It felt nice but there was something else attached to that very comforting feeling, something I’m not sure I can describe just yet. A vague, background feeling that somehow overpowered me almost as much as the good one and unsettled me…

Witnessing my mom’s excitement over painting was something also. Something I have been dreaming of for years now! (I also managed to make some art myself but not so much.) I really hope she keeps doing it because I love her so much and I believe it’s the best thing for her right now.

I remember before I left, how I thought I would, without any issue, be able to work on my voice as usual, or even harder when I’d be at my mom’s since my brother was still in school leaving me time for it in the mornings. But as it turned out, I was all out of energy from the heat and also I just couldn’t commit to it. And once again, that overpowering background feeling… It crept up on me unannounced and then it just hung around me the whole time, ruining what was supposed to be a good time back home.

There was Nature and people. My island. Oh, how nothing’s changed. But everything is changing though. I had the greatest displeasure to witness some drastic changes being made and I was filled with disgust over how those men are trashing this beautiful little piece of heaven. It broke my heart. But, a little impromptu hike with an old friend by the ocean made me feel better. Seeing the ocean in all its wildness, calmed me down. Nothing ever truly changes. Buildings are kinda like tattoos, they look permanent but can be removed, and they don’t really last, they fade over time and they go down with us.

I was really happy to see Line again, we’ve been friends since we were 12! We walked for almost two hours and just talked about things, catching up, you know. And I was also very happy to get to see my friend Manélisa after two years!!! She has been in Quebec for two years now, studying 3D and cool stuff and she’s one of the best artist that I know! It was really nice spending an afternoon with her. She always fills me with confidence and determination! And I hope I get to see her one day in Quebec!!

I was of course really happy to see my bff too. It was almost like I never left. Although it did feel a little off, but that was all on me. That background feeling again. She was working during those ten days but she still did her best to come at my house every single afternoon and I did not thank her. Although I should have. But, yet again, I was living in the shadow of that background feeling.

And well, my family. I was really delighted to see them. I wish I could say they haven’t changed, but like everything else, although it has remained the same, it’s changed, and not necessarily for the best either. There were so many conflicting thoughts and feelings inside of me as my short time in the nest went by. Even now actually, I haven’t come to terms with everything just yet to be able to word it all and analyse & solve them.

My brother has grown so much! But I can see the effect of not having me around on him and it crushes my soul.. I could tell he was really happy to see me again and that he didn’t want me to leave again. And I feel like such a monster because, me being the stupid dickhead I am, back in that same old environment, couldn’t really fight the bad vibes emanating from my surroundings and reversed back to a poorer version of me. I wish I could have been a better sister but I felt trapped.

My nephew has grown so much as well! I didn’t exactly get to enjoy his company so much as he was materializing everyone else’s thoughts, hitting me when he could or running away most of the time, because I’ve been gone for so long, who the hell am I and why did I think that love was universally bulletproof? Only, I swear, on the last day he actually started to accept me back and let me hold him and all.

I’m not gonna lie, I know he is just a baby, but it hurt. Not just to be slapped constantly. Ha ha. But to be pushed away all the time and to have to power through the rejection and remain standing although my heart broke each time. I was also just in a very sensitive spot the whole time anyways so, can’t blame it all on him.

And then there was the dreaded departure.

I promised it all sucked so bad. I was terribly frustrated and disappointed by these ten days. I just expected them to be different. I expected this family love thing to taste different. All I got was an incurable heaviness in my heart.

I just thought I would be appreciated differently. But, it was just as if I had never left. Which was comforting in a way, only that comfortable feeling was a mere disguise for some bittersweet destruction. Sometimes I would just stop and look around, asking myself if it actually made any difference having me there because everything felt so unaltered by my presence. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I thought it would be different. And that crushed my dreamer’s heart a little bit too.

Point is, as the day of my departure grew closer, I was getting happier. I just couldn’t wait to leave, go back to a place where I actually felt good and felt like I was moving forward! So that feeling of relief was taking over.

And on the actual day, well, I did feel a pinch of sadness in my heart every time I would look at my mom or brother. But I couldn’t chase away the little thrill in my heart. Which ended up making me feel guilty. Because I was happy to leave it all behind. Hashtag I’m a monster…

A feeling only reinforced once we got to the airport and I was waiting to go through the security check, witnessing my brother just being distressed and trying to keep some form of composure. But as I was hugging him, he was sobbing in my arms. And I can’t describe how that made me feel. I had seen him cry before, I mean, he’s my little brother! But it was never like this. And the worst part was that it was all because of me. I was breaking his heart, and while doing so, I was actually happy. The guilt…

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Ten-year-old me with a young heart which I would break over and over

It was a long way back to Ireland. Especially with all those conflicting feelings. The guilt was killing me but the excitement kept me alive. I was happy to know that soon again I would be able to work on my music and see the city again.

When I got here, it was so sunny and hot. I was a little disappointed. But it didn’t even matter. Because I was where I wanted to be now…


So yeah, that’s how it felt.

It was not all bad, of course. It wasn’t bad at all! I had such a great time and everything was good. This is just an insight; all the underlying feelings, thoughts, wishes, that did ruin me but which did not change a thing either.

I know I did not make the most out of my time there because I let my feelings carry me away. That unwelcome darkness ate me real good. And I feel double worse for knowing that I was not just disappointed, but also disappointing everyone else. I wish I could have been better. But I don’t think I could’ve been.

Because, I also feel like, one of the reasons it was hard for me to feel as bright as I should’ve, was that I was coming home empty handed. I mean, sort of. Sure, I’ve accomplished loads in the single year I’ve been here. But there’s still nothing concrete just yet. It’s more a matter of personal progress and beginnings. But nothing much just yet. And I guess it felt wrong to be back so soon and not have anything to put on the table…


I’m gonna have to stop this now, because I have said enough and I’ve got other things to do.

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I miss you all so much..

I will forever remember the way my brother was sobbing, as silently as he could, in my arms that day. And I will forever remember how my mother and sister, in their own way, tried to look brave and unaffected each time I left. Gosh, I’m crying now! And, although it is not the fuel I went to look for, I will use these to power me and keep me running.

I love them, and they know that. And they also know why I am doing all of this. And that’s because there is nothing else I could do.. I know it’s hard but they support me. And I will keep making them (and myself) proud.

I’m chasing those dreams and I won’t ever stop, mom, I promise. ❤

Untitled acrylic painting on cardboard, 06.20.18

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Have been encouraging my mom for so long to go back to creating and today, after one year of me having given her some art supplies, she made something!

When I arrived last Saturday, she was really excited when I gave her a brand new canvas and was already dreaming of what she could paint on it. And, last night, I showed her a Bob Ross video and she was both, blown away & inspired! So, this morning, after neverending chores, she painted something.

It was her first time ever truly painting (something other than the house’s walls and tables haha) with acrylics. She did it on a 180gsm piece of blue paper which could have not ended well, since she was using a little too much water. But, she nailed it!

She was really proud of the results and had loads of fun. Now, she keeps talking about practicing until she gets the hang of it so she can paint on the canvas. I mean, look at her!

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Lots of love for my mom! ❤

I’m flying home in three hours!!!

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I’ve got a He-Man shirt now!

I mean, don’t let the title fool you. I’m taking a plane to Paris and then once I’m there, I have to wait a couple five hours until my eleven-hour flight back home. So, basically, I’ll be home tomorrow morning!

I can hear Brandi Carlile singing in my head right now… Looks like I’m taking the hard way home!

Can’t wait to see everyone again!!

Happy birthday, mama!!

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I love this picture!

I love this picture!

My mother is literally one of the most beautiful and bravest women that I have ever met. And today was her 54th birthday.

Years go by and yet she still remains as beautiful. I am so thankful for all that she is and all that she gives. And I just can’t wait to see her again!

I initially came up with three different ideas in my sketchbook of what I could paint for her. But since I couldn’t make up my mind on which to choose, I decided I would simply paint them all and then pick the best out of them. I had enough time on my hands and of course, I could definitely have used more painting practice!

Last night, at around midnight, I finally completed all three paintings. But, with my tired eyes facing my beautiful creations, I still couldn’t pick one. So I figures, since it is my mom’s present, I will let her pick.

And so, this morning, I call her to wish her the most happiest birthday and I present to her the three 20×20 paintings and tell her that she’s free to choose whichever she prefers. And so, my mom finds it hard as well to choose one and therefore decides that she wants all of them!

Haha So that’s the story behind them, now here’s all of them with some details. It is all flower themed and somehow ended up more like an under water theme…

It was really fun to make! And I really enjoyed working on three at once which allowed me to switch freely from one to the other whenever I felt like I needed a break or while one needed to dry before a next step.

She loved all of them and I am proud of them. So, it’s a perfectly executed job!

I just can’t wait to see her again!!! ❤

Positive bullets #5

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Finally back with some P.B.; it’s been a while!

I’m in need for some of those bright vibes, warm reminders, to feel okay tonight. So, let’s shoot that happiness!

  • Peppermint tea!
  • When my host mom makes me tea
  • Bob Seger
  • When the sun hits the trees and they’re so colorful and bright!
  • My mom’s knitted creations!
  • Knowing that I can play the guitar right-handed AND left-handed
  • The vibrations in my body when I sing
  • Caffè Nero in town
  • Those chocolate bars that look like butts
  • Hugs
  • The way Esther says my name
  • Button mushrooms & broccoli
  • Soy sauce
  • My kitty slippers
  • Using silly words to censor myself when chatting with the kids
  • My flower-printed bed sheets
  • My yellow shoes
  • When the wind makes my dress sway gently and it feels like I’m flying
  • The way my best friend says “ah la la”, and even better, when we say it at the same time!
  • Jason Bateman he he
  • Cat videos!
  • Will Arnett’s voice
  • That feeling when I understand music theory material
  • When my fingertips hurt from playing the guitar
  • That first stretch in the morning that feels like death and life at once
  • My little pony socks
  • Peanut butter and banana toasts!!!!!

Alrighty! Five minutes out!

I do feel better now. 🙂

For those of you that have no idea wth this is: It’s a thing I started back in 2016(?) when the storm was going pretty strong. I set a timer for five minutes and I jot down things that make me smile, that make me happy, things I enjoy, etc. It serves as a reminder of the light that surrounds us. And it’s like a little positivity shot!

Sometimes you can feel lost or overwhelmed by the silliest things, so it’s always nice to sit down and remember those little sparks that brighten up your life. It’s comforting. And as you write them down, it tickles those memories in your brain, and you smile as you recall how they make you feel. And you breathe better once you’re done as you remember that there is so much good in your life, no matter the amount of darkness, no matter how worn out life can get you.

Until next post, keep your eyes peeled; the Light is here! ❤