It’s past midnight, I’m in my underwear wearing red lipstick, sitting on the floor and drinking wine, eating strawberries, all the while blasting some Christina Aguilera in the headphones. Isn’t that just the best setting to type some weirdly interesting post? I think not. This is me we’re talking about, remember! This post will probably be a wreck and I won’t even care. As soon as I’m done I’m either going to go back to binge-watching New Girl and finish that damn chocolate bar or slow dance with my guitar to some Mariah Carey.
If you think that’s very cliché of me, just wind back to last night when I was watching Sixteen Candles with a Ben&Jerry’s Cookie Dough tub and my tears.
It felt awesome btw
I went outside today and it wasn’t as bad as most of the other days have felt so far. A few days or maybe weeks (Idek) ago, I realized as I was talking with a special person that I don’t give myself enough credit for my tiny victories. So, this post is me saying that:
Everyday is a victory.
Days outside of my flat are hard. Days inside aren’t that easy either. No day is actually that easy. Everyday that I live through is a victory. When I go to sleep and wake up the next morning (or when I don’t sleep at all…), I won. I won over my demons, my disorders, my foolishness, my fears, everything. I made it through another day of self-bullying, another day of passive or intense fighting, another day of lying on the floor without the strength to do things I love. Everytime I wake up, I should celebrate the fact that I survived another day. Some days are harder than others but it doesn’t take away the fact that no day goes without me struggling.
So, there you go. Today wasn’t that bad a day when it comes to all this bullshit. And I’m happy about it. I’m happy I made it through the crowds and noise. It’s also very pretty outside. I LOVE AUTUMN. The leaves are so beautiful. But I felt soooo hot though ><
Alright. I’ve got to end this post now! YouTube has dragged me to the Britney side and well, I LIKE IT OKAY? But I’m not sure what I’m writing makes sense so I’d rather end it and laugh about it when I wake up later today!
I feel so good about today. Sure, I did buy things on weird impulses like two lipsticks or hairspray or baby powder (wow, I’m such a wild girl, ain’t I? HAHAHAHA). But what I’m trying to express right here right now is that I made it through another day, and that makes me happy somehow!! This whole existence thing is a whole damn war and right now I’m feeling happy about this day that I just went through on my own. I feel so pretty right now. I mean, my hair are looking rather okay and I love my eyes! And well, I’m not disappointed in these lipsticks. And, damn, I’m just so okay with being alive right now!! 😀
Why such a sad-sounding setting then if I feel that good? If you were me, you wouldn’t stand being on your own for more than five minutes. I’ve got all these thoughts that never stop, toxic ones, cute ones, weird ones, censored ones, so many that I only want to shut it down now and then, when I have the chance (i.e. some red and old-ish liquid thing or RUM cos sugarcane!).
End of this post. Red is the color of passion. I miss my little brother! I’d love to not be alone right now but I am so I might as well not sleep and jump around in my underwear. And I love sardines; keep that in mind! ❤
I just want to say one last thing before I leave! Make sure you guys celebrate the smallest victories just as much as the bigger ones. Because, in fact, there is no such thing as a “small” victory. Every victory is a BIG DEAL. And, everyday is a victory. Remember that and celebrate life, celebrate surviving those long and exhausting days. Celebrate life and love. Celebrate yourself and the world. Everyday is a victory.
You’re a warrior! We’re all going through some kind of hardship. Don’t deny yourself roses just because you think that someone else might have it worse. There’s always someone else having it worse than you somewhere! But it doesn’t take away from your pain! Celebrate all your victories! Smallest and bigger ones the same! You’re alive, you’ve made it through; this is awesome. You’re a warrior, a survivor in more ways than anyone will ever know. Don’t forget to take some time to love yourself and celebrate your existence each day.
I’m off now. But don’t forget that you’re all important. ❤
P.S.: drinking alone to celebrate is kind of lame, so call a friend or just, don’t drink, that’s stupid (I knoooooow it is, I promise. Experience or stg talking right here!)!!!!