What are you without me?/What you are without me

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After a two week break, I’m finally back to working on my voice and music! So, today I posted a Brandi Carlile cover on my channel: here. And I’m here to share with you something else.

It’s been a while since I wanted to do this, putting those two songs side by side in a video! At first I thought of working on a transition but then I thought “nah, fuck it”. So, no transition, just two brothers chilling together. Haha

As always, I got a lil tangled at the end of the second song but I still managed to keep a somewhat OK thingy going on there.

Anyways, no real big deal, and surely nothing new. But I think these are my two favorite songs I’ve written so far. I really like Dry Mouth also!!

Until next post, keep practicing! ❀

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Blessed.

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I went to the Fota wildlife park with Esther today. We spent a solid five hours in there just walking around and contemplating the immense beauty and wit of Nature.

It was such a magical experience! I saw so many animals I had never ever seen before like kangaroos, giraffes, lions and penguins.

Now, most of the animals there are endangered species which is a heartbreaking sight. They are all so beautiful and mighty and oh so deserving of the love & life the Earth unconditionally provides. And it is a terrible fact that they are struggling to still be a part of it all..

But I’m happy to know that there are places like Fota where they can be safe and treated like they deserve.

So, it was a really beautiful day out there, with my dear friend, E! And I feel so inspired now.

This was our last Sunday together before she goes back home! Which is pretty sad but I have yet to come to terms with the feelings, as I know that we will meet again on Thursday, the day before we both leave. And, therefore I know that the last goodbye hasn’t been said yet so it’s almost like it’s not happening..

Denial aside, I’m gonna miss her! And beautiful weekends like these together also!

Anyways. I’m really tired from the whole day walking so I’m off to bed early. Can’t wait for tomorrow so I can work on music again!

I’ll end this on the sweetest picture I took today:

This is all too precious. I am thankful beyond words. It brings tears to my eyes to think of how beautiful the universe is. I swear, this is so intense! Haha

Until next post, spread the love ❀

A little sketch for Esther!

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Hi everyone!

I wanted to share with you something I drew the other day for my dear friend, E!

It is a wibbly wobbly sketch of one of the pictures we took while in Kilkenny together! Some of the proportions don’t make sense but I still think it’s lovely. Surely doesn’t bring out the beauty of her hand, though. Hehe

She is going back to her homeland pretty soon and I will miss her dearly. So, I just keep making stuff for her. Filling them with love and the silent wish that I never fade in her memories.

We always have such a good time together and it makes me so happy to know that I can trust her with my head and heart.

Three cheers for friendship!

Positive bullets #5

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Finally back with some P.B.; it’s been a while!

I’m in need for some of those bright vibes, warm reminders, to feel okay tonight. So, let’s shoot that happiness!

  • Peppermint tea!
  • When my host mom makes me tea
  • Bob Seger
  • When the sun hits the trees and they’re so colorful and bright!
  • My mom’s knitted creations!
  • Knowing that I can play the guitar right-handed AND left-handed
  • The vibrations in my body when I sing
  • CaffΓ¨ Nero in town
  • Those chocolate bars that look like butts
  • Hugs
  • The way Esther says my name
  • Button mushrooms & broccoli
  • Soy sauce
  • My kitty slippers
  • Using silly words to censor myself when chatting with the kids
  • My flower-printed bed sheets
  • My yellow shoes
  • When the wind makes my dress sway gently and it feels like I’m flying
  • The way my best friend says “ah la la”, and even better, when we say it at the same time!
  • Jason Bateman he he
  • Cat videos!
  • Will Arnett’s voice
  • That feeling when I understand music theory material
  • When my fingertips hurt from playing the guitar
  • That first stretch in the morning that feels like death and life at once
  • My little pony socks
  • Peanut butter and banana toasts!!!!!

Alrighty! Five minutes out!

I do feel better now. πŸ™‚

For those of you that have no idea wth this is: It’s a thing I started back in 2016(?) when the storm was going pretty strong. I set a timer for five minutes and I jot down things that make me smile, that make me happy, things I enjoy, etc. It serves as a reminder of the light that surrounds us. And it’s like a little positivity shot!

Sometimes you can feel lost or overwhelmed by the silliest things, so it’s always nice to sit down and remember those little sparks that brighten up your life. It’s comforting. And as you write them down, it tickles those memories in your brain, and you smile as you recall how they make you feel. And you breathe better once you’re done as you remember that there is so much good in your life, no matter the amount of darkness, no matter how worn out life can get you.

Until next post, keep your eyes peeled; the Light is here! ❀

What Are You Without Me? (Original song)

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I’m so happy to finally be able to post something again in that category! It’s nothing too wow but here’s an original song that I wrote earlier this month. It’s short but I like it that way. Hear me struggle on the guitar:

I literally wrote it in under two minutes while I was on an idea spree! Which explains a lot, I guess.. Ha ha!

If I’m being honest, it’s about how sometimes, via social medias, I check on people who are not part of my life anymore. Just to see how they’re doing, what are they doing now but, honestly, more to see if my leaving their life has caused an impossible-to-fill void somewhere. I’m exaggerating, of course. But I think that we all have those little intrusive thoughts sometimes.

Are they happier without me? Do they miss me? What has my absence changed for them?

I personally know that, for some people that left, it does feel that way. They do leave a void. Which you can’t feel but you don’t to anyways so it’s fine. But for those I’m singing about, it doesn’t. I don’t know if you heard but I don’t miss them. Ha ha!

Sometimes I simply wonder if being without me is hard for them. Because they were such dicks to me and I kept giving my best till it all collapsed. I’d feel good knowing that they do miss me and have yet to find someone to care about them the way I did. But also, I don’t care.

Anyways. Fun song! Haha

What are you without me?

I need to know you’re doing worse

I need to prove to me my own worth

I need to know you’re not better off

I know it’s selfish

But you were such a bitch

I known it’s in the past

But my heart’s still in a cast

So, tell me you miss me

Show me you need me

Cos I don’t

But if you do, then I won’t

Tell you I miss you

Tell you that I need you

Cause I don’t!

Watercolor portrait of Dee, 04.01.18

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Hi! Yesterday I was trying desperately to learn intervals on the guitar and do some sight reading too and what made it better was having Dee by my side.

For those who don’t know, Dee is the impersonation of my friendship with Esther and therefore is filled with love, darkness and weird. She gave him to me last Christmas and ever since he’s been like our little mascot! He’s always with us when we hang out!

So, as Dee had been staring at me for a couple hours and I needed a break, I figured I could use some watercolor practice and he deserved a beautiful portrait!

So here’s Dee in the woods. Sorta. Behold:

Big boy on his school picture! hehe

I’ve gotten better at watercolor since my first attemptΒ when I bought some watercolor pencils(which have now been passed onto my best friend, Lilly)! But there’s still a long way to go…

It’s hard to control the water properly and also I have a hard time getting any details really. But I’ll get there!

I used pastel in the sky and a little bit in the dark areas below the trees too. Oh and for the black in his eyes since I don’t have black in my palette!

The trees were painted in the same style I made this watercolor back at my mom’s place last year.

I like it very much!! Took me longer than it should have but I’ve been very distracted lately and lacking energy too which renders me slower than usual.

Anyways. That’s probably gonna be my only art of the day!

I’ve got some guitar to do now and also, maybe before, go for a fucking walk to allow my mind to breathe a bit!

Just two more pictures! Side to side:

Until next post, practice, practice, practice! But don’t forget to take breaks, drink lots of water and stretch&move to keep your wonderful bodies and minds healthy! ❀

P.S.: I had forgotten to add the links to my previous posts like a silly goose I am! But it’s all fixed now! x)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER

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(this is not going to be a long post because I’ve already written her a long enough letter hehe and also I don’t have much time to write right now)

Today is Esther’s birthday! She is turning 19!

I’m really happy that she is my friend. She is so daring, caring, intelligent, funny, beautiful and much much more. She inspires me in many ways and just, really brings smiles to my face and warmth to my heart all the time.

I always rejoice in her presence, so much that, every week a part of me spends all its energy longing for the weekend when we finally meet again. We do the silliest things together and we open up our hearts too, sometimes all at once! And it’s a lovely bloody mess!

This is a beautiful thing that we have and, even though it is not my place to make a wish on this day, I surely hope that this friendship lasts and lasts and lasts…

So, anyway. Like I said, she got a letter already so I must cut this short!

I’m only here to share her birthday present which is, I quote, “the best present ever” and equally, possibly the most amazing piece I have ever created so far. Jk.

The reality of it is that it is a monstrosity that can only be appreciated by the two of us since it is a mash up of two of our inside jokes/homemade memes.

Behold, the painting:

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It is what it is. I won’t explain anything. We know and that’s what matters. Ha ha.

I spent a mere three hours working on it. Might have went faster had I not been laughing every step of the way! I swear, I was going for a simple thing and then the idea of our joke hit me and I was like “No…. YES!”. And I laid down the base for it on the canvas. And then the second one hit me and at first I was scared of what power was inspiring me such daring combination. And eventually I gave in.

It was such a fun painting to make. It’s always fun to make things for the people you love, anyway. But I mean, that one was literally funny to make! And, since she loved it so much, it makes it all even more worth it! I’m proud of it and I’m proud of us!

A couple years ago, hell, last year even(!), had you told me I would become friends with a Spanish girl I would’ve screamed “Get out of my face!”. But Life has a way to scratch you right on the itch… weird way to put it i know My many years of school had me develop a small aversion to the Spanish language so, of course, in my mind it would have been impossible. Yet, here we are. And she even has me wanting to learn Spanish again!.. Boy, if that ain’t love, I don’t know what is! πŸ˜‰

I love you, Esther, tu vales mucho a mis ojos! ❀

BONUS: happy little deer with her love-infused monster

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