Blue & green||| You & me


Growing up on such a blessed land was paradise.

Even though I spent most of my youth longing for the day I’d leave this place, I’ve always loved everything about it (although the sun isn’t exactly my best friend). Now that I’ve finally gotten out and seen a bit more of the world, I truly see how beautiful my home is and precious. And it makes me happy beyond words Exif_JPEG_420to be able to come back once more and get to enjoy those familiar places.

I’ve always been amazed by Nature and its stubbornness and strength and oh so breathtaking beauty. And since I live in a small town, in the south of the island, I’ve always been able to enjoy both the sea and the forests a lot.

They’ve always been my familiar faces in the world, if that makes any sense.

I open the window in my room and I can see the mountains, then I go in the kitchen and from there I can see the sea. The sounds of the ocean have always carried me to sleep. Nature is not a stranger to me and seeing even the tiniest tree somewhere is enough to make me feel more or less connected to the place I’m in. I’ve always felt that connection to it and it’s always felt like that reassuring force I could always turn to, I guess that’s why we call it “Mother Nature”.

img_20161227_150826When I got in highschool, and the storm inside started blooming, five years ago(??), I developed a stronger need for the sea. And I used to walk there as often as I could after school with mom and my dog and my little brother. It calmed me down to see the waves from up close and smell the fresh air.img_20161220_185500

But it did, and still does, that strange thing to me which I have yet found the right words to explain. I could sit there for hours and just stare. It feels like I’m hypnotized sometimes. And I think it’s just like this bigger Love also. It feels really good and it eases the storm in me.

This is only the second time I’m coming back home since I left two years ago, but the first thing I always do before I go out of town to meet people or do anything is take a walk to the sea. And then, we go there almost every single day. It heals everyone and helps with all the useless tension; it fills me with love and happiness, and the sweetest drops of sadness.20170716_175244

Today I was soooooo lucky that my family and I got to go the forest (I found a nice little panorama online for you, just click right here! πŸ˜‰ ) AND then to the sea once more!! I was so happy!

We went in my brother’s dad’s pickup truck. My sister and her son were sitting inside while mom, Gaby and I were sitting in the back with his dog and got to enjoy the sight as we drove up the gravel roads. It’s just the best feeling to be sitting in the open like that! And the lil’ doggy was just so happy to stand and watch the trees go by with us.

It was sooo sooooooo pretty and then the sea was just ——- I made a little video montage from a few clips I filmed over these past few days because I can’t get them uploaded on Instagram for some reason and it’s just so pretty I need to SHARE

(Forgive the music that might actually be too loud; there were just people talking on most of the videos and nobody wants to hear that… )

A wonderful sight that always leaves me in awe.

There’s this connection and it’s just beautiful. Sadly, I’m all out of time for that post so I’m gonna have to cut the thinking and typing here.

Until next post, don’t forget to look around and let love in, no matter how bad a mood you’re suffocating with. ❀

 

 

Just a little bonus of my brother being a cutie in the woods:

 

Status

GOING HOME AGAIN!!


I am going home today and gosh I’m really excited.

I’m really happy to be going home again! It’s only been about six months since I last seen my family and homeland IRL but somehow I was craving it way more than I did after having been away for a whole year and a half! I’m going to see a lot of people I haven’t seen in a while also, like highschool friends, and my lovely lovely cousin whom I haven’t seen since we were kids somehow! I’m really REALLY excited! So many memories to make and a lot of fuel to stock up on!

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I’ll be staying up until mid-August. And while I’m there, I’ll get to play some (right-handed… </3) guitar and bit of piano too but I don’t really know how to. So I might be able to record something slightly more interesting to put on my youtube channel and same for #2. I’ll probably hire my little brother as a cameraman or just borrow his tablet to record things. And I’m excited about that too!

And I’m thinking that I might actually get around to finish a song that I started back when I still had Glitch but never got around to finish or maybe even write new ones! I’m just really dying to play some music again so I think that the melodies might just flow out of my mouth and break my fingers. Which is such a good thing! I can’t believe that I went six months without a guitar/uke and am still alive! I really didn’t think it was possible and yet, look at me. Starving for some strings but still breathing! *clap clap clap*

I’m going to be jumping straight off a cliff after that (not literally; don’t worry) but there will be a really pretty and warm net to catch me and so I’ll get to build my wings with a little less pressure! And I’m excited about that too. I actually still have to deal with some paperwork to get everything in order for that next travel while I’m home (which sucks but is for the good cause).

So yeah. Family. Friends. Art. Mountains. MY OCEAN. Rain. Lots of rain. This is just going to be awesome and I really can’t wait!!! But I really should go to bed now as I have to wake up at 5 or something to make sure I have enough time to get ready and check everything before I leave for the train. I’m going to be so tired and such a mess!

While I’m gone for a long long long day and until I can get something better out there, maybe enjoy this 5-day-old good enough cover?…

Cheers!!! I hope I can sleep because I won’t be able to drag that heavy ass suitcase around if I don’t. So many books. What am I?

Until next post, don’t forget to remind those you love how much you love them and how precious they are because you never know (and especially before you step on a plane because sometimes they just fly into another dimension and what the fuck). ❀

Video

Positive bullets but in a VIDEO! :D


So, for my first video on my new channel, I decided to make positive bullets(click here to read the last one, which was only number 3 of the series!) into a video! Here it is:

P.S.: I still have to sort through my blog and you know, reorganize everything! But I guess that now that I have a new youtube channel, I’ll be more motivated and fueled to do it! πŸ˜›

The Versatile Blogger Award


LastΒ morning I woke to a comment on my latest blog post and quite a surprise! It was a nice comment by the lovely Mrinalini also telling me that she nominated me for the ‘Versatile Blogger Award’. First of all, I mean to say to whomever reads this to maybe check out her blog here. She blogs all about beauty: hair, skin, make up looks and reviews and whatnots; it’s worth checking! πŸ˜‰ And then I’d like to thank her because this is such an unexpected thing (especially as I had no idea there was such an award before haha) and it’s also very sweet. I had no idea my blog could be appreciated in such a way, so thank you. ❀

Okay, so if you’re like me and don’t know wtf this is all about let me just give you the rules right here:

  1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you cos that’s common sense and also link to their website because you’re a very nice human ❀
  2. Nominate at least 10 bloggers for the award and of course, link to their blogs. And don’t forget to notify them (so they know, you know… :-P)
  3. Tell 7 facts about yourself that your readers might not be aware of.

I went on the Versatile Blogger Award blog to have an idea of what it actually means and this is what I gathered. Basically, it has to do with the overall quality of the blog and the place they hold in your life. You like the content, the style, the personnality, the work, the thoughts, the ideas, the human, the colors, or maybe just a simple detail that make them stand out in your eyes even if you won’t call yourself “fan #1”, see what I mean? So, the blogs I nominate are blogs of people whose work I admire and respect and who inspire me, motivate me, or even just put a smile on my face every day or every now and then.

Here are the special blogs who have a special place in my messy mind and for which I’m thankful for. And shout out to the people who run them (obviously! haha) because they shine really bright to me! You guys have made my whole wordpress experience worth it and I never thought that starting a blog meant being so lucky that I get to peek inside other amazing people’s universe. There you go (click on their names for the links, idjits πŸ˜‰ ):

Now, you’ll notice that this isn’t ten blogs because you can count even though I put bullet points and not numbers. Rules are made to be broken (yeah yeah yeah πŸ˜› ). The reason I couldn’t put more is because this is it. These are the most important blogs that I’ve come across so far and I can’t just force over names in the list because this has to be special, right? And to be honest, they’re each so amazing that they count for two which gives us a total of 10 actually sooooo… πŸ˜‰

To whomever reads this, I’d suggest you stop by their universe if you have the time to be blown away by the human in them. Amazing people.

Alright, moving on to this last part of this, which is seven facts about me.

  1. I used to be a complete jerk until I opened up to music and music opened me up and I became the sensitive mess that we all know.
  2. I love video games and I’m actually quite good at them; once I’m explained the basics I learn real fast!
  3. I have actually never been in an English-speaking country nor do I have English blood (pointing that out because I always get ask this whenever people hear me speak English, like come on, I don’t sound that good x) ).
  4. I once arrived LAST at a school race when I was around 14/15yo. I was last and there were at least 200 people running… (Not so sure about the number of people but it was like the second half of the school, the older ones, so a lot of people.) And I was really proud though!
  5. I’m self-taught for the most part but I once had a guitar lesson! Back in highschool, I was trying to be real serious about guitar and when I saw that they had guitar lessons at my old primary school, I told mom I wanted to go. I went, a little anxious, it was fine. The dude kept telling me I was already really good and he knew I would get far because he could see it in my soul (he didn’t say that, I’m just being dramatic haha). But I never went again cos I got scared and I didn’t want to walk under the sun.
    So when mom went to pay them (without me cos I was too scared) and tell them I wouldn’t come again, she told them a terrible lie when they ask why? She panicked and explained that I couldn’t come anymore because I had cut my hand real bad so I couldn’t play for a while. And he was like “aw, I hope she’ll be alright though cos I know she can go places”.
    Two years later I cut my finger in Lille which lead to me becoming a left-handed player. I believe that’s Karma. x)
  6. I’m not so bad at cooking and actually getting better. And I can make really nice vegan carrot-cinnamon muffins.
  7. I have a big crush on Shiloh Fernandez.

There you go haha

Celebrate those special people in your life and those special places on the internet that make your life much more magical each day. The best awards that you can give someone are the little things you can do for them and the bigger ones too. A smile, show support about projects they care about, flowers, bringing them a glass of water, a like on a picture, a link to their blog… πŸ˜‰ There are endless possibilities to show you care and they come from the tiniest thing to the bigger stuff you can come up with. And you know what? “Size” really doesn’t matter when it comes to this because no matter how tiny it looks, it’s always full of the good things(or at least it should…)!

Having a blog is really all about sharing and connecting. Being a human acutally is a lot about connecting too. I think life really is about the people, connections, the experiences, all of that. So, live on. ❀

I hate phone calls (but I love me)


As I type this, it’s all faded a bit but today (well yesterday now that it’s already one am) I was filled with pride and was pretty much high on it. I made a very important phone call . Let me repeat that. I made a call. I call my mom, sister and best friend pretty often so what’s the deal, right? Well, I don’t really know but fear of phone calls is an actual thing! It took me two hours but I did it. I’m still not sure how.

I tried pep talk, I tried to Schmidt my way out of it (usually it works!), music, breathing exercises, counting to three, running to the phone; NOTHING. Really. No matter how much I tried to explain to myself how important it was and how it was only going to bring good and how it was necessary and not so scary, I just couldn’t do it. I’m guessing I managed out of exhaustion. Like it tend to happens often. But anyways, what matters is that I did it!

I called for voice lessons. That young lady was so nice and damn, as soon as she picked up I felt better. Usually it’s more about the anticipation than the actual thing. I think there’s like a ten-second rule or so. Like you know you gotta do something, but if you let too much time fly between the moment you know you’ve got to and the moment you do it, you leave room for overthinking and it can just ruin everything. I know that very well but sometimes I just slip? πŸ˜› Maybe that’s just how it works for me though, I don’t know. But usually, when I make a phone call, I just gotta go quick and click the damn button, then there’s no turning back and I usually manage the conversation. But if I just stop for a second, I get trap in a web of thoughts and my energy is slowly drained by imaginary spiders and it gets harder and harder to do it…

So, I’ll be having my first ever singing lesson on March 2nd. Why so far? Because I didn’t realize that there is a school break happening very soon and they don’t work during these breaks; so there’s only room then. That’s actually kind of cool co it leaves me time to think of which song(s) I’ll bring to work around. And it is also pretty much the most awesome day ever because it is only TWO DAYS after the Avenged Sevenfold show I’m going to on Feb 28th! I’m really excited because this is just the start of it all. I’m going to make so many more things happen and just seeing start happening before my eyes like that it’s… It feels good! It just feels good, man! πŸ˜€

I was really proud of myself. For having managed to call even after two hours of light self-torture. But also because I’m taking steps forward and really getting serious at building my own path. I’m really happy right now.

I’ve got a lot of things to be excited about. A lot of things to work on. There’s just the whole world in front of me. I feel kind of “new”? Like, I can see again. I feel very good and ready. I’m terrified. I am! But I’m just so thrilled about this whole journey. I feel fresh. I feel better. I feel strong again. Able again. Free, lightweight, fearless, terrified, galvanized, de-emptied, creative, everything at once and so little of nothing. That’s a change, right? I almost forgot how it felt. Taking my life. Taking back myself and my everending possibilities.

A dark soul, still. But with a bag full of candles and fuel leaking out of my veins through my fingertips. And I’ve finally took one candle out of the bag and lit it up. Now watch me walk till I run till I fall then run again.

Darkness means light. ❀

New year, same us!


2016 is finally behind us! I love turning pages cos you never know what’s going to be on the next one. This new year holds so much! So many opportunities to seize, memories to make, hits to take and scars to shape! Scary yet exciting. I have no idea what’s going to happen nor how it’s going to happen and I’m not ready but still got my boot on the start line! πŸ˜‰

I’m not going to reflect on that year just yet, I’d rather focus on being around my family right now. But I will, probably as soon as I get back in Lille or Idk. Right now I’ll just share some pics so my first post of the year is full of smiles and light!

We aren’t exactly the partying type so we’ve had very quiet and chill days but we still have fun our way. The rain has yet to come so it’s been a bit hot but still okay. I had ice cream for breakfast this morning cos I’m an adult. πŸ˜€

I always look awkward in the pictures my brother take of me. Don’t I look lost or something? haha

I just needed to share my pretty dress somewhere as the only ones who’ve seen me are my tiny family. hehe Not exactly the best thing to wear here but I’m not very hot and I can’t give up black EVER

My little brother also wanted to “decorate” his eyes so I did as he asked! He has a hard time smiling. It’s either he makes a weird face or he looks weirdly neutral. But I still love him!

img_20161231_210827We had a nice dinner last night. I took a pic of the table like all the weird people do. Mom is the best!Β  It was just smoked chicken because there was so much and we were full we couldn’t get to the cari zourite (local thing, that’s like tiny octopuses cooked with a knowledge I don’t own) which we therefore ate for lunch today. Then we went at my sis and slept there after having played some Dobble ( a fun card game ), Uno and Scrabble which I almost won! πŸ™‚

Today we put table decoration on our faces because who doesn’t? Sis’ son was a little upset when they arrived but he tagged along anyway!

I have two pics of me holding him and I look really pale in one but hey, I apparently am according to mom, bff and sis so it’s whatever.

Oh, and just to add some Nature in that post, I’ll show you this. That’s a bit of the path we take to go at my sis’ new place. She lives really close now it’s awesome! We can see the mountain nearly everywhere we are; I love that so much! >w< There’s a lot of sugar cane fields everywhere and that’s great.Β  I haven’t really been out of town so far so really, you’re only going to see the same side of the same mountain and same for the sea! πŸ˜›

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I’d like to point out that I am the tallest so far. And it’s funny cos I’m so tiny around everyone else! I truly hope that Gaby does get taller than me though cos I don’t wanna be! x) And as you can see, like mother like daughter, my mom has a hard time posing. :3

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Then we had a selfie spree and I’m posting them all cos it’s precious! We don’t have that much pictures of us together so this is gooooold! Also our first pictures with the little Hugo! ❀

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And last but not least, a pic of all five of us! It was hard getting all our heads to fit in there but we managed!

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It’s only missing Lilly in the picture cos she was away today! But I’ll make sure to force her into some once she’s back!

Love love love! I still have a little less than twelve days to spend here, I’m trying my best to make them shine.

I am thankful for 2016’s bullshit cos it was actually some nice lvl up potions hidden in a big pile of stinky shit. And I’m really happy to have been able to close that chapter with these weird people on this weird floating piece of rock full of lava. This is the best way to put it all behind and find the strength to kick the next one in the teeth and get back to being the main player in that game.

They can be really annoying but even then their light still shines brighter than any wonder and make a part of me smile. I’d be nothing without them. ❀

So, yeah, bring it on 2017. It’d be nice if we could be friends! πŸ˜‰

Meteorites


(Read it on my Booksie if you’re more intoΒ black on white πŸ˜‰ )

And before you start, may I suggest that you listen to the song that inspired the story while you read? Enjoy.


We were going so fast, so fast. The air felt like it was running on my cheeks as we went against the current. Hands held tight through the sweat, all we knew was which foot to lift next. Time was suspended and the world had disappeared. There was only us; the dark horizon and us. And we kept running. If this was a chapter in a book, I thought to myself, it would be the nineteenth. The reader’s grip would tighten around the book as we ran inevitably toward its last words, just as my hands were tightening around hers; I didn’t want this story to end either.
As we neared the hill, our speed decreased allowing Time to catch up on us. We looked at each other in order to gather some strength. The eye contact worked its magic and we made our way to the bump, moving faster through the stitches in our sides. My mind was suddenly caught in a storm of thoughts. We were leaving so much behind; everything, actually. But we had each other and this new empty space was ours now to fill. The future, the pain, the darkness, nothing felt as scary anymore.Β We were always going to be together to face life and its side-effects and it was all that truly mattered. Maybe we were so young and naive as my mother had told me times over; we sure were. Maybe we didn’t know much about anything; our young age made us nothing but fools to the eyes of the wise. But we knew what love was and we believed in it. We knew Love and that was far better than any sanity these people seemed to cling onto. I didn’t think that loving was an act of foolishness but I sure observed how lack of it turned hearts bitter. Her breathlessness dragged me out my thoughts. I lifted her chin and wiped the drops of sweat on her forehead. She took my hand in hers and we kept ascending to the top of the hill.
When we finally stopped, it felt unreal. I was lost, almost confused. Although we had barely reached the limits of our small town, I felt as if we had entered another world. We really weren’t that far, just a few blocks away. She came close to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. From there, we could see the abundance of lampposts and the houses of everyone we knew. It was beautiful. Not because of the way the street lights shone and made the town look like a camera lens covered in raindrops. Nor because of how the different colored rooftops made it look like a cosy blanket from above. No, it was beautiful like that one colorful image at the end of your first real book, one with only words; the beautiful image you stared at for a while after having swallowed all the black ink. It was breathtaking like the grand finale of a tragedy. It was our happy ending. She let go of me and went closer to the edge to sit down. I took a moment to appreciate the movement of her hips as she walked before joining her on top of the city. Her hair swayed in the midnight summer breeze and it made my whole body shiver.
“We were like meteorites.”, she said with the widest smile. She turned to look at me. Her smile had gently lifted her cheeks and made those lines I cherished so much appear on the outer corner of her eyes. “You and me, Molly.”, she added. “We flew through the streets like meteorites!” She was so beautiful. I wished I could escape Time for a billion little seconds just so I could stare at her face at that precise moment for a little longer… I smiled at her and made the silent promise to myself to keep those pretty lights burning in her eyes for as long as I’d live. She laid a hand on my thigh and locked eyes with me. “Together burning bright. When we crash, we’ll crash together, won’t we?”
I leaned in and kissed her. Our lips collided and I felt her warm breath on my skin. I breathed in the fire and we burned together, consumed by our foolish passion. In all my life I had never known flames so soothing as the ones she threw me in that night. We rolled on the grass like the wild things that we were. I was losing my sanity to the rhythm of our hearts, beating in harmony as our bodies danced the night away. Β With her head buried in my neck, I looked up to the moon. And then I recalled how my mother once told me: you can only kill fire with fire. So I let myself completely melt underneath her loving touch and we went up in smoke.

I rested my head on her chest as she played through my hair with her precious hands; her skin smelled like smiles and sunshine. I listened carefully to every beat of her heart while I traced eights on her stomach with the tip of my index finger. “We won’t ever crash.”, I told her. “We will collide and burst into sparks. And like stubborn birds, we’ll rise from our ashes and burn again, only brighter each time. Our love will never die; we will never die.” I got up on my arms and kissed her once again. My cheeks absorbed the tears that had invaded hers and I made the night disappear.


In case you didn’t know, I’m all about horror. I write mostly horror, watch mostly horror, read mostly horror and think mostly horror. So I was quite surprised as I sat down in the darkest corner of my room last night with a cup of tea and wrote a love story, i.e. no blood, no demon, no murder, no violence, just poetry and butterflies. I blame it on the shower and the song. πŸ˜›
The words flew so smoothly, so naturally, it felt amazing! The song kept playing in repeat in my headphones and I felt like I was floating. Had ’em chills slow dancing up and down my spine while each sip of tea would warm my insides. It was a beautiful experience. I missed feeling like this. The state I’m in is always different depending on what media I’m working with but it’s always so enjoyable and so magical in its own way. I love art. I love all the weapons I have and I really only want to play them forever.
Anyways, no need to make this any longer! Let me know down in the comments if you think I did well, for a horror freak! πŸ˜‰
Spread the love! ❀