Nostrum is 3 months old!

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…And, sadly, this is how she spent the day:

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I woke up with some tension in my right arm this morning and rather than being bold and pushing through the soreness, I made the responsible choice of not touching the guitar at all today. Which was terrible and rendered me under-productive on this merry day! I wish we could’ve had some nice jam time together to celebrate our three months together, but it was for the best…

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Spending my day with the brace on my right wrist brought back some memories of 2016 with Glitch and so much bullshit. I remembered the struggle and I tried my best to be brave through it, and patient. I had my muscle relaxing oil, my special cream, my ice patch and my snuggly Emily around to care for me. Although it did get me very frustrated now and then, I frowned a lot but did not cry, and I had a lovely day with the kids.

I’m not gonna lie, it is super hard to try and force my brain to use mostly my left hand in these situations. Although I have been lately incorporating more and more left-hand activities in my daily life in order to actually become ambidextrous (and avoid any more days like these due to overworking my right hand/arm)… It does not make it easier. Because there is the factor of constraint involved and that makes it harder on me. But anywhoooo, I made it through the day, huh?!

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Mid hide&seek selfie

I still got to work a bit on a DIY cardboard shelf I’m making to gain space in my tiny bedroom(yes, I’ll post about it later on haha). And, after I’m done with this post, I’m going to to do some online Italian/music theory exercises (that won’t involve my right hand) or maybe even do some more left-handed writing if my eyes aren’t too tired. I played some cool games this evening with the kids and we had a very smooth transition to bedtime and they’re sound asleep now. It is my second night babysitting in a row but I’m not complaining; we love each other and it’s always a good time!

Today was a bit of a bummer because I’m dying for hard work right now and there’s always something, and I end up working way less than I intend to! But I should definitely celebrate all my progress and most importantly, celebrate having the exact guitar that I wanted by my side in this moment. She’s a beauty & she’s mine!

It’s hard to believe that she is here with me but, once again, this is fact not fiction and g*d does it feel so good! We’re making progress, step by step, we’ll get there! And I’m happy I have her because, even on days where I don’t play at all, Nostrum keeps me company and just like a good friend, even in the silence, my heart she tends. It’s weird but it’s real.

Happy birthday my dear Nostrum! And here’s to more existence together! ❀

(I’m super tired now, might as well just post this and hop into bed, rest that arm some more! I’ll get work done tomorrow!)

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Make sure you can count on yourself.

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Hi! I’m tired and my eyes are struggling to stay open as I type this. But I have to get it out so bear with me, this is a good one, I promise!

I had a small talk with my best friend earlier about how I’m uncovering wounds that have yet to heal but never stung enough for me to notice them. I have indeed, in the past few days, became aware of a couple of issues and mental/emotional blocks and also realized where a few of them originate from. And I was telling her a bit about them and how I was feeling, how crazy it is the impact that other people and their words, no matter the levity they be spoken in, can have on one tiny person.

She, of course, agreed and worked her best friend magic on me. But there’s one thing she said… She told me we’d work through it together ( ❀ ) and it would take time, loads of precious time, but we’ll get there eventually. Which was sweet. Then she went on giving me the “love yourself” talk and I had to stop her.

Sure, we all need some pep talk every now and then and reminders to love ourselves through our flaws and darkest moments, yadi yada yada. But, that seems to be a big misconception a lot people tend to have about me so I had to write this down to set the record straight(and also, maybe, possibly, make sure I remember what’s true). Sure, I’m definitely all about self-depreciating jokes and I don’t radiate confidence like my ego was the fucking sun, but I do love me.

I am not going to lie, I have insecurities, doubts and on some days I really can beat myself up about a tiny detail on my body/mind. Of course! We all do. But I still love myself. Then again, to keep in the same line of my previous post, my way of loving me might not earn one too many ticks on your own “check-list of self-love”. But believe me, if there’s someone that loves me, it’s me. I know myself like no one else and my darkness, and all those ugly corners, I know them, I accept them and I wouldn’t trade them.

Love is not an acquired skill or a prized possession or whatever you wanna make it. It’s a work in progress, a continuous lesson. You keep learning and it keeps growing and changing shape and moving and burning… And you have to take care of it just like a garden filled with stuff(to be very unoriginal). But it’s something you work on and something that works within you also. You care for it and it cares for you.

Also, I was telling her how overly dramatic my little self has been reacting to minor inconveniences in the past few months. Like, a tiny thing would happen (maybe just in my mind), and I’d go “Alright so… You can’t count on anyone at all. I better just focus on my work and build myself a career or something. That won’t let me down.” And I was just laughing about it. Like today, nothing at all happened; I just misinterpreted a thing and then my brain turned it instantly into a full-blown drama and I picked my guitar up and I could hear those words in my head. I had to stop and laugh it out. Because it is super silly.

One thing, though, that I have to save from this funny newly added feature in my tragedy-orientated mind, is “you can only count on yourself”. Which might be an overstatement, but I think the core of it is true. No matter how many love you, how many you can trust and turn to, at the end of the day, you’re always the one that’s here, all the time, and the only one that can always be there. And that’s a relationship you definitely have to look out for and make sure it is healthy, non-toxic, balanced and just.

Compassion, empathy, love, little attentions, etc; all of these are actually pretty easy to give, give, give away to all you love. But it’s sometimes harder to give it to yourself. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are with others and I’m like, why? I know I do it too! I’m all about love and forgiveness for all. Accept all their flaws and understand them, be patient and caring. But I’m the first one brandishing a belt ready to beat my own self up over any tiny detail. If I think everyone is deserving of love and forgiveness and should be treated with kindness always, then why should that be any different for me? Let’s not go there today, though haha

And I know I’m not perfect. And I know that sometimes I fail at loving and caring for myself when faced with frustration and broken expectations. And I know I break my heart a lot and don’t always do what I want me to do. But at the end of the day, I still love me and I know I can count on me.

I’ve been acknowledging the fire in me a lot more lately, especially ever since I let go of all the toxicity (relationships and environment) in my life. I’ve gotten over a lot of things and struggled, survived and am still working through it. I have been faced with a small portion of my own strength and now know for sure that I am capable of much much more! I have trust in me and in my potential.

I’m enjoying time on my own more and am becoming more & more okay with the idea of standing alone. I can acknowledge (okay, it’s pretty hard to admit sometimes but I can do it) my beauty, both inside and out. And I don’t take my flaws as flaws although I can recognize those that definitely need to be worked on. My anxiety had managed to convince me last year that I definitely wasn’t anything at all on my own. But I’ve proved that b*tch(and the other ones too) super wrong, haven’t I?

We all need people. People to love us and support us. I do. I need that. A lot. But it’s important to remember that you are your own person also and you definitely are still valid and awesome without these people. It’s important to be able to exist without them and rely on yourself. You gotta make sure that you are here. Be okay with having to hold your own hand through dark times and carry your own tired body on your back to get through those long dull alleys of life. Make sure that when all else fails, you’ll still be there.

You’re the foundations of this big house, your whole universe revolves around you. People don’t make you you, you do. People don’t make your strength, your worth; you are strong and valuable on your own. Love can add on to the strength and make things look more meaningful. But I promise you, you are already so much more on your own! Trust in that. Skies get dark and nights get long, but there is comfort to be found in your own warmth on those lonely winter nights.

I know sometimes the idea of having only your own hand to hold through a hard day is not exactly a very comforting thought. But that is the beginning of it all. Once you realize that you are here and you are someone to fall back on, you’ll get a better grasp of the words “you’re not alone”. You might have friends, you might have family, you might have pets, you might have hobbies or weird fetishes or whatever floats your boat. But you also have you, and that, lads, is actually such a stupid beautiful thing.

I’ll just end this here. I love me and am happy to know that I’m someone to fall back on. I apologize to my hands for looking down on them sometimes when I’m drowning in myself and they’re the only ones I can reach. I am thankful for them. I am thankful for the fire in me and the neverending strength the Earth keeps on feeding me. And I am also thankful for all the outside love that I receive through my friends and family and the whole Universe, because that is also an important piece of the puzzle!

Until next post, just, send yourself some flowers or something. You’re beautiful and you deserve all the love. ❀

Let the fool love.

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Last Friday, I finally finished making my Christmas presents for this year. And it was about time because I was going crazy with the accumulated (self-imposed) pressure and the lack of actual fun.

Don’t get me wrong, painting is fun and I love it. And I did have fun making my presents. But I made five paintings in under three days. Never touched my guitar. Then went on spending my little free time of the week working on another one. (I’m not complaining at all, just laying out the facts so I can make my point.) I got very little sleep and ingested too much coffee. I did get a few breaks being with the kids the afternoons and spending my Sunday afternoon and evening with Esther making some cool memories! But it was so much work in such short time and I barely allowed myself any actual breaks… It was always on my mind anyways. I couldn’t think of something else since it was set in my brain as top priority. In the end, it squeezed a lot of life out of me although it was still fun to do.

Sure, Xmas isn’t a surprise and I should have gotten down to it wayyyy earlier than I did. And nobody forced me. Nobody but me. Except, it was not forced. Don’t put it like that please. I did put a lot of pressure on myself and forced myself to keep working at it even when I got really tired. But it was never a forced thing. More like an impulse, something I couldn’t help. My love bursting to get out on time for the occasion. I definitely should have been more prepared which would’ve avoided me a lot of unnecessary strain and pressure. But it was not forced. Just brutally natural.

I know I should have started working on them long ago so they wouldn’t have been rushed and messed up a bit(you’ll see what I’m talking about if you click here). But I’ve been very busy ever since I started as an au pair and managing my time and tasks hasn’t been super easy. Realizing that I was running out of time to make a thousand personalized paintings for each special love of my heart before the big day should’ve been enough to trigger the Reason in my brain and make me turn to a wiser choice (like an album photo like my host mom suggested or just buy a simple thing, a card, flowers, a thing), wouldn’t you think? But… The what you said? Reason? Meh. I actually honestly considered it for a bit because I was thinking how hard it would be to get everything done for everyone on time. But I can’t give up on shit. I just fucking can’t give anything up.

And so I sat down with five pages in my sketchbook ready to become ugly drafts of what would later become the love infused (maybe “stuffed” is a wiser word to use here) Christmas paintings and ascended down a slippery path coated with coffee-gone-cold and affection-turning-chore. I know I make it sound super dramatic but it was pretty intense. It’s easy to lose your way sometimes in the midst of brush&rush. I was so stressed out… My little outing with Esther helped release the tension a bit but it was not enough obviously. I was drowning in it.

Buying presents is rarely a thing I do. First of all because this girl has no money. And secondly because I never really find anything that matches my idea of what the person should receive from me that would both materialize our relationship and also bring a little something more into their life. On the rare occasions I will find a thing that will be perfect. Usually has to do with inside jokes tbh. But more often than not, it’ll be a battle lost.

When I make something, I’m sure it’ll have enough pieces of me in there for the person to feel obliged to like it. Just kidding. Ha! I think it just feels more special when it’s been made by you for the person you love. There’s a different warmth to it. And I think that’s important. Especially when I’m sending gifts to my family more than ten thousands kilometers away from me. It needs that warmth and those little sparks that feel like me in it so they can feel it and receive my love with an approximately 96% accurate translation. Handmade feels better to me.

And although I’m “super hard on myself” when it comes to what I make, if you make me something, it doesn’t matter how clumsy it is, how small or how rickety it looks to you, I will love it for what it is, your best effort and a condensation of your love translated through your stupid hands.

Let’s talk about that “too hard on yourself” bullshit now. Which is actually the main reason I started writing this post.

During my relentless rush to bringing my love to life on five canvases before Christmas, I got a few comments on the way I was doing the thing. I should take a break, shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself or simply should stop if it is so stressful. And it’s not the first time I hear it. And, no different than usual, I don’t wanna hear it!

I try my best to remain calm and polite when given those comments because usually, they come from people whom I love and are just trying to look out for me. I know they mean no harm and they’re just trying to save me from the hands of my over-demanding self and her too-high-for-this-life standards. But here’s the thing lads, you’re not helping and you’re wrong.

No, I should not take a break because you feel I’m too tired to work. No, I should not simply give up on my making presents for my family because that’s putting too much on my shoulders. No, I will not slow down because it’s my fourth coffee and it’s a beautiful day to go out and sniff out some flowers or whatever. No, I will not do things differently because it doesn’t match your vision of life and work and love and whatnot. No, I do not have to lower my standards or do anything just because you think I should.

My ways might not be perfect. They might even seem crazy compared to your ideas of what should be and how it should be. But they’re my ways and I don’t think I should have to change them so they fit yours. It doesn’t have to feel right, normal, okay, to you, for it to actually be it. Now, I know most of you are just doing what you think you should be doing, looking out for me or whatever. But, just don’t force your ideas onto people like that. Because it is kinda rude and mostly annoying, especially when I’m in the middle of losing my mind over all that makes me and that I’m making. I could snap, I swear. There’s a fine line between a caring advice and an invasive unsolicited opinion. Just shush, please.

One thing I feel can’t be dissociated with a life filled with love are sacrifices. Whether they be about the tiniest little things like sharing the last cookie in the jar or much bigger ones, they’re part of the deal. There’s a part of selfishness in love but there’s also a part of selflessness in there, and hopefully, a bigger one. I do sacrifice a lot, which I usually realize later because it doesn’t matter when I give it. I give it all. It’s free. Take it. I love you, I give, take all you can, I keep giving on.

Making these paintings took hours from me; hours that could’ve been spent sleeping, playing the guitar, eating chocolate, going for walks, etc. It took precious time but I wouldn’t want it back. I had to give it all I could in such short time, especially since it was for my family so far away from me, whom I might not see before long… I had to compress as much love as I could between the layers of paint, infuse it with parts of me so that they feel my love once they get it. But even to my Irish family and friends that I have barely met I gave my precious time to leave my heart’s footprints in a last minute handmade gift. I just do it like that.

I’m not saying that those that do it differently love less or badly, not at all, just differently. That is my way of loving and I know it’s not the universal way to love, I’ve been around long enough to know now that everybody has their own scales and standards. And things hardly ever mean the same to anyone, even when they do. We might both feel intensely about something, but even then, the intensity might vary because we are different even in being the same.  I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong because you’re not doing it like me. We’re not the same, I accept that; I accept the fact that our truths are not the same although we’re all believers. So stop telling me I’m doing it wrong. Stop telling me my love is too crazy because there’s no such thing. Let my fire burn bright and focus on yours!

For me love is all about that. Dedication. Sharing. Caring. Selfless when you can but still charged with your pieces. You gotta be invested. You can’t love part time. You can’t love half-price. All or nothing. ❀

2017 Christmas paintings!

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Just as it happened last year, this year’s Christmas presents were… uhm… rushed for a little bit? And almost lead to a mental breakdown and coffee overdose. Good times. All in the name of love! Ha ha

No charcoal this time. All acrylics. On small canvas. Don’t remember the dimensions but pretty tiny squares and then a bigger one for my Irish family.

So, I made a portrait of my little nephew for my sister. And then painted two pictures from this year’s New Year’s celebrations for my mom and brother (on which they look nothing like themselves). And finally, I made a portable peaceful shelter for my best friend so she can always have a place to turn to when stressed out/depressed/in need for more dreams and less life.

My mom is a beautiful woman and my brother is a pretty silly boy so I felt terrible while painting these because their faces were so distorted. But it was made with so much love and they loved it in the end so that’s what matters. And my bf just received hers as I write this and she told me she shed a few tears. Soo… Mission accomplished! Not perfect work but intense love for sure!

Then, for my Irish family, I painted that one picture of us that we took on the night of the Late Late Toy Show on December 1st. Which is the only picture of all of us together we had at the time I started it. I wanted to make the smiley faces at first but I must admit that when I laid it down at first, I decided to go for the actual faces… However, since I was exhausted and running out of time, I ended up covering them up with the bright yellow smiley faces in the end.

My host parents loved it so much and it makes me SUPER DUPER happy! The real big gift was being with them this whole blessed season of Christmas. A home away from home. I have so much love and admiration for them.

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Although I am not a 100% satisfied with the end results, I am delighted that my love got through and that they all appreciated the fruit of my hard work. And that is what truly matters in the end, to hell with perfection!

That was a lot of hard work in such short time. I’m glad I didn’t actually lose my mind to it! And it was actually a very condensed practice for my drawing and painting skills also which will, I sure do hope so, prove to have been very efficient in the future. I don’t know when I’ll try to paint again because that was a lot at once and I might need a looooong break before the intensity and bittersweet aftertaste fade out in the echoes of their thank yous and smiles.

Also, I’d just like to let you know that trying out new techniques, new things, straight onto a project that is important and to be finished fast is not really a super wise idea. But if the pressure gets you off, who am I to judge? πŸ˜‰ I had never used a palette knife before doing my nephew’s portrait and I have zero experience painting people, but I jumped right in. Sometimes leaving yourself no choice is the best way to take a leap and learn to fly??

Until next time, keep the love flowing! ❀

My sister’s birthday present!

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It’s about time I share with you the painting I did for my sister’s birthday back in September!

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I was a little late since it was on the 29th, which was five days after Adam’s birthday and I honestly FORGOT. First time it ever happened to me to actually forget something so big! But I was just so focused on my little boy’s birthday present and also my whole au pair experience that I literally forgot about my amazing sister’s b-day! I remembered the night before and I knew I was fucked…

So, as the thought brutally hit me and the Universe reclaimed my heart back since I didn’t need one anyway, I jumped on my sketchbook (that she gave me btw) to find the best idea. And, thank G*d, I figured it out almost instantly; it was pretty easy.

My sister had been harassing me for the past few days with a tutorial video she found online about how to paint a tree using acrylics and she was like “I want a blue, a green, a red, and also a yellow one” or whatever. And I told her, “Well, you better get to work now!” And she insisted “But I wanted you to paint it for me… *puppy eyes*”. And so did I, “I gave mom a few brushes and nice acrylic paints too the other day. You should borrow it from her and practice for the trees.” Of course, in the back of my head I was thinking of making one for her eventually one day but little did I know (I should’ve!) that her birthday was just around the corner…

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Sacrifice ALL THE SLEEP WHO CARES?

Of course, just the tree seemed a little too “basic” for me. Like, “you’ve asked, there you go”. And that’s not how birthday presents should be. Sure, it’s more than okay to give what a person actually expressed orally that they wanted. But is that really enough? Not for someone that matters this much to me. Happy birthday means thanks for existing (still) and I’m thankful to have known you for so long. And my sister has practically raised me alongside my mom. She was my second mom as I used to call her, or more like my dad since I used to give her the school’s presents for Father’s day haha So I had to bring some more symbolic in there and make her feel something more intense when she’d look at it!

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February 1997 (a 5-month-old piece of fat)

And so, I thought about this beautiful picture of her holding me as a baby. It’s one of my favorite pictures ever and since I have it with me, I figured I could easily blend it in the painting of the tree; some way, somehow. And so I did.

Blended her body with the tree’s trunk and roots because she is my roots and solid ground. She carried me along the way, lifted me up and made me into the strong woman I am still becoming. She is my mom and my home. And so here we are in the center of the painting, hugging and glowing together. Her favorite color is green and one of mine is yellow. And the reason I went for blue for the leaves rather than her favorite color is because it is my mom’s favorite color and the ocean’s and it has always been for me a motherly color. A strong and warm(yeah I know it’s not technically but to me, yes), comforting color, surrounding us, holding us together.

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Sure, I was late and I got the idea really quickly, didn’t put a large amount of thought into it. But I put lots of hours working on it and lots of heart into it also! There’s a lot of meaning in there and it’s also very pleasing to look at. And most importantly, my sister loved it! What more could I ask for?

Until next post, love, love with all you’ve got! ❀

P.S.: If you’re reading this, je t’aime Lucie πŸ˜‰

One month gone already!

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Today, it’s officially been one month since I’ve joined my lovely host family and since I am literally living in Ireland. It went by soooooo fast! So, after this busy week and busy weekend that I’ve had, I’m taking some time to breathe and look back a little, acknowledge what happened and squeeze out some more good juice out of these past few weeks.

The first two weeks went by in the blink of an eye. The kids adopted me pretty much instantly, to my greatest surprise. And I felt comfortable from the get-go. I knew from the moment I skyped with them that they were gonna be amazing but when I met them IRL, and after having spent just a day with them, I realized they were much more awesome than I could have imagined. I know I like to exaggerate and this might seem like it, but really, it isn’t. They are good people, so nice to me, easy-going and I feel oh so good around them.

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The routine wasn’t so hard getting into. It’s pretty simple really and it’s just a matter of getting used to it. I am still not able to wake up at 6am in order to have breakfast before the kids and get on with my business before I wake them up, but I’ll get there eventually. Having not had an organized life for the past two years and especially these last six months where I would just sleep whenever and paint/sing all day and sometimes go out to get food; it’s understandable. I need time. But this is just a detail. Once you know it, you just do it and it slides like butter on bread(what).

So, those first two weeks, I spent just adjusting to the schedule and trying to learn how to fit my painting and music in my free time. I spent a lot of time in the house; scared to go outside. But eventually I got to meet some Spanish au pairs and we hung out in town together. And just last week I met some French ones. Knowing that there are a handful of people other than my host family that are aware of me, is reassuring and I have no doubt that I will be able to build strong bonds with a handful of people during this year. I had a lovely weekend with Marta, a French au pair who lives really close to me; I really like her. And, surely, I will meet more people with whom I “click” and can enjoy something bigger together than just hanging out(nothing wrong with that but I need to walk in deeper waters, ya know).

I haven’t had much adventure going on just yet. Nothing crazy to tell. No big stories really. It’s been a really chill month. I adjusted very quickly and so did everyone else. I feel like I belong and not like a weird parasite that’s just sucking the life out of them. I feel good. They truly are amazing. And, having heard some other stories from the au pairs that I’ve met, I can only emphasize how LUCKY I am. My family is just the best and I’m happy.

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Blackrock Castle

I love feeling how we’re all just growing more and more comfortable with each other each day. Like I said, we were already pretty okay from the get-go. But we’re getting closer and it’s such a nice feeling to experience!

I love the talks I have with the parents in the mornings or evenings, when I’m having tea or when I get back home after a day on my own. And I love the different feelings I get from talking to the mom and from talking to the dad. The different topics and perspectives. They’re really cool people, sweet and chill; I love them. They care about me and it shows and I’ve grown so fond of them already. Like they’ve been gone all afternoon and evening to a wedding, and I swear I’m already missing them but I won’t admit. Ha ha!

I love the kids and how they try my patience sometimes and I just have to learn over and over. They help bring out the best of me. It’s not always easy, but they’re very sweet kids and they fill me with love. And my favorite thing right now is that, three days ago I taught them how to say “I love you mommy”(Je t’aime maman) in French and they just keep saying it to me. And it is so cute and, man. Pinch me, I’m dreaming! LIFE IS REAL

Simply put, I love everything about being an au pair, here and in this family. I know everything would’ve been and felt much different with some other people. But what I have right now is more than gold. I am so thankful!!! And I can’t wait for more days!

I will have more to say as the weeks and months go by. For now, this is all there is to be said. They rock, I love them, the city is beautiful, I’m happy and ready+fueled by their support to reach for the sky. This is more than I had dreamt of and man, is it beautiful to be where I’m at right now in my life.21935605_1575832765817460_1439178978_n

This week I’m starting my art class and I can’t wait to see what that’s going to be like and what it’s going to bring in to my life! I still have so much to see and so many people to meet. And I still have so much work, so much to build before I get those dreams of mine running. I’m excited and I’m on my way.

Up we go! πŸ˜‰

It feels weird to be treated so well, to be in a non-toxic environment, to simply be a person among over people… I come from a polluted place; I stomped outta the door, my feet are clean now. I let go of those toxic relationships I clung onto for the last few years and I felt so lightweight… So lightweight that the winds of change flew me away to a land of greener grass. Honestly, not holding any grudges but fuck ’em. Thank you guys, but fuck you. I’m glad you’re out of my life, leaves more room for better friends; I’m glad you aren’t taking up all of my time/thoughts, leaves more room for love and light which I’ll now spread. I am very much alive. I am happy. And I’m only getting started.

Until next post, don’t stop believing. ❀

Blue & green||| You & me

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Growing up on such a blessed land was paradise.

Even though I spent most of my youth longing for the day I’d leave this place, I’ve always loved everything about it (although the sun isn’t exactly my best friend). Now that I’ve finally gotten out and seen a bit more of the world, I truly see how beautiful my home is and precious. And it makes me happy beyond words Exif_JPEG_420to be able to come back once more and get to enjoy those familiar places.

I’ve always been amazed by Nature and its stubbornness and strength and oh so breathtaking beauty. And since I live in a small town, in the south of the island, I’ve always been able to enjoy both the sea and the forests a lot.

They’ve always been my familiar faces in the world, if that makes any sense.

I open the window in my room and I can see the mountains, then I go in the kitchen and from there I can see the sea. The sounds of the ocean have always carried me to sleep. Nature is not a stranger to me and seeing even the tiniest tree somewhere is enough to make me feel more or less connected to the place I’m in. I’ve always felt that connection to it and it’s always felt like that reassuring force I could always turn to, I guess that’s why we call it “Mother Nature”.

img_20161227_150826When I got in highschool, and the storm inside started blooming, five years ago(??), I developed a stronger need for the sea. And I used to walk there as often as I could after school with mom and my dog and my little brother. It calmed me down to see the waves from up close and smell the fresh air.img_20161220_185500

But it did, and still does, that strange thing to me which I have yet found the right words to explain. I could sit there for hours and just stare. It feels like I’m hypnotized sometimes. And I think it’s just like this bigger Love also. It feels really good and it eases the storm in me.

This is only the second time I’m coming back home since I left two years ago, but the first thing I always do before I go out of town to meet people or do anything is take a walk to the sea. And then, we go there almost every single day. It heals everyone and helps with all the useless tension; it fills me with love and happiness, and the sweetest drops of sadness.20170716_175244

Today I was soooooo lucky that my family and I got to go the forest (I found a nice little panorama online for you, just click right here! πŸ˜‰ ) AND then to the sea once more!! I was so happy!

We went in my brother’s dad’s pickup truck. My sister and her son were sitting inside while mom, Gaby and I were sitting in the back with his dog and got to enjoy the sight as we drove up the gravel roads. It’s just the best feeling to be sitting in the open like that! And the lil’ doggy was just so happy to stand and watch the trees go by with us.

It was sooo sooooooo pretty and then the sea was just ——- I made a little video montage from a few clips I filmed over these past few days because I can’t get them uploaded on Instagram for some reason and it’s just so pretty I need to SHARE

(Forgive the music that might actually be too loud; there were just people talking on most of the videos and nobody wants to hear that… )

A wonderful sight that always leaves me in awe.

There’s this connection and it’s just beautiful. Sadly, I’m all out of time for that post so I’m gonna have to cut the thinking and typing here.

Until next post, don’t forget to look around and let love in, no matter how bad a mood you’re suffocating with. ❀

 

 

Just a little bonus of my brother being a cutie in the woods: