Calendoodles || Your year at a glance

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Hi, everyone! Welcome to a post I’m really excited to share!

(I’ve made a video about it already, if you haven’t seen it, click here! And, if you come from the video, why, hello there and welcome to my blog!)

Today, I’m going to introduce you to a thing that I like to call Calendoodles which is an art project that I started at the beginning of this year.

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Calendoodles!

Calendoodles is the fusion of a calendar & doodles. The idea came from my need for a year-at-a-glance type of thing that could both document my journey and also look pretty cool on a wall.

I actually wrongly stated in the video that it was before I started a bullet journal, which is in fact, not true, since I started my bujo in November. Just a little side note.

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My intention was to use a much bigger format.

In my head, I pictured it as a huge poster on a wall of my room, that I would fill in every single day, and it would be that cool thing to look at every night before sleeping and thinking, “Wow, I’m so alive!” It would literally be an overview of the year, small enough to fit on a wall, yet big enough to mimic a year’s gone.

However, as I still live with my host parents, I resorted to something much smaller than I had in mind. So, I settled for an A5 format, and stuck three pages from my sketchbook together.

I found that using this format was a little constricting sometimes as the boxes can feel too small and therefore kind of limit my creativity. But it still works for me, and since I can fold it and put it in my sketchbook, it is portable, which is pretty cool in the end!

A doodle a day!

The concept is pretty simple: for each day that goes by, you doodle a thing that either represents events of that day or your emotions on that particular day.

Now, as you go, you might find, like I did, that sometimes it feels better to fit two or more days into a single box. Not because of lack of space, but because life isn’t as constant and organized as a calendar, and sometimes days melt together, no matter the amount of dusk and dawns.

And that is literally all there is to it. A doodle a day, to keep a creative representation of your year.

I can show you a close up on some of my days, if you’re curious.

I can go from drawing every single thing that happened to just key things. I can also draw metaphors or jokes to sum up a day. Or, sometimes, I might draw a simple icon to show the theme of the day: for example, an empty battery on a day I was exhausted(although that surely wasn’t the only thing that I was/did on that day.)

Sometimes I don’t draw anything, I just put a color to represent how I was feeling that day/how that day felt, or simply the main color that the memory of that day is painted with.

Rarely do I use words, because that’s the opposite of what this is about. But, sometimes, I did get lazy with the creativity and other times, it just had to be words.

And, of course, let’s not forget to put the date!! Ha ha

What’s the point, though?

It is an aesthetic and creative way to have glance at your year as you go. Also, I think there’s also something very satisfying about filling boxes; or maybe that’s just me.

As silly as it can seem, I think it is a very helpful tool.

I was talking about it earlier on the phone with my sister and she told me “but you can’t remember everything that happened”, to which I answered, ” yeah….”. I realize that! And sometimes when I look back at some doodles I’m puzzled because, one, they’re so cryptic I can’t decode the message (haha), and two, I just don’t remember the day at all because it wasn’t anything too big so it’s stored in the very depths of my memory which I cannot reach on demand if ever.

But calendoodling isn’t about remembering the days strictly speaking, rather not forgetting where you’ve been. You might not remember what every day has been made of, but when you take two steps back and you look at your year overview on those sheets of paper, (and it’s the middle of may and you’re having an existential life crisis wondering where has your time gone, what is your life), and you see all those little boxes, each for a day that you’ve lived through and accomplished, if not basic tasks or bigger ones, to walk forward into another one and another one and another..

Calendoodles help me remember life, the bigger picture. They show baby steps and bigger ones. They show simple days and empty ones. And they simply show that I kept going and I keep going. They serve as a reminder that I have lived and they help document my journey as I go.

It’s all about the little things that create the bigger picture.

Will you join me?

So, that’s Calendoodles !

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By sharing this, I hope I can get some of you jump on the Calendoodle train so we can all be calendoodling together all over the world!

So, if you too wish to capture your days in small boxes and be able to look back at your year and see the many waves of your life as it moves forward, then you are more than welcome to start your own Calendoodle!

Now, keep in mind though that, this is a personal project, so you do as you please. Whatever you wanna do works. The only rule is a doodle a day, and even that rule can be broken!!

So, I hope you get even more creative with your calendar and your doodles and find more ways to make this thing more awesome and more fitted to your personality, creativity and needs!

If you do decide to start calendoodling your life, then please, let me know, either by using the hashtag #calendoodle or tagging me in pictures/posts/videos/etc. I’d love to see what your versions of it look like and hear your stories!

That’s it for me! What an exciting post to write!

I can’t lie, I’m really proud to have come up with a thing, and I hope we can share it together and be calen-buddies!

Happy doodles! ❤

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(Don’t) Forget, original song

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Let me forget everything

I don’t want to remember, no

I just want to let it go

I don’t want to ever face any of it again

Let me forget everything

Oh, please don’t let me forget

Please, don’t let me forget this

Please, don’t let me forget me

Please, don’t let the memories fade

I know that my heart can’t handle it

It might kill me

I know that my heart can’t handle this reality

Let me forget everything

Oh please don’t let me forget

Please, don’t let me forget me

Let me forget everything else

Please don’t let the memories fade

Oh, it’s already too late…

Glad to finally share another original! I still have eight other drafts to work on!

I’m really happy with how it came out. But I’m just getting a little impatient with myself, when it comes to reaching a next level of songwriting!

Yet another relatable song, though; am I right? Haha

Thanks for your time!

Until next post, remember a little neck massage goes a long way! ❤

Pause and try to keep the timeline real?

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I want to start off this week with a clear-ish idea of what my next moves are going to be and in order to do so, I need to take a few minutes and look back on this past month.

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It’s kind of weird when I think about it, that I need to write down a list of things that I’ve actually experienced in the very close past for it to feel real? I mean, this is beyond the whole “pinch me, I’m dreaming” feeling of being in Ireland and being happy! It’s just the way my memories look inside of my brain, when I write it and talk about it, it actually brings back the feeling of them and it reminds me that they’re real. It makes them more tangible in a way, my mind can better grasp the concept of them being past but being real, and it’s a little less blurry. Just need life to feel a little less abstract?

I’ll just jump right in with a concise bullet point list of the bigger things that popped up in this life of mine. I’ll keep the awakenings and deep thoughts for other posts though, haha.

  • TFB put out a new album and I fell in love with them AGAIN
  • I got a left-handed guitar. (Super big deal, but appreciate how calm I can remain about it as I type this sentence without going all crazy with CAPS EvERywHERE)
  • I met Kim again and also a very good friend of hers!! ❤
  • I finally dived back in my music theory books and am trying to gain back those tiny bits of knowledge I barely had before
  • I got a new phone which is equally confusing me and amazing me. The qualityyyyyy
  • Hotel Books also has a new album out and my ears/heart have been blessed and wrecked by this gift
  • I bought two books
  • I had an anxiety fit (tiny) like I hadn’t in a long while and it ruined me for two days
  • Went to the woods with my family and saw a live DEER!!
  • New doors being open before my wide eyes…

Things have been really calm. And, besides my guitar being a really BIG deal, everything else that happened was just like a smooth and natural addition to the big painting that did not cause so much tumult. Well, the new music did get my emotions to go a little sideways and all but…. Man. Now that I wrote it all down, I realize that there really hasn’t been this much happening at all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Slowly, I guess, is a good word to describe it? A slow fast tidy mess. Sounds good to me. But things are happening, or at least, I know that they will. I KNOW. I just can’t mention much yet because I’m scared of getting too excited about it and then having it just snatched from my sweaty hands… Sometimes I pause and I’m like, “Damn, Life has indeed scarred me.”Ha. It’s probably not that bad a thing although it often stops me from showing/experiencing any enthusiasm or happiness which actually sucks big fucking time. I’m not even sure if I’m excited about it anymore. In a way it does keep my feet on the ground I guess. But more often than not, it just ruins the fun of it all.

Anyway. Point is: shit’s about to get real. And I better brace myself cos I’m not fucking ready and it’s gonna be big and only get bigger and OH MY H

One year later…

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Today’s sunny & hot. My water won’t stay cold and it’s hard to breathe. I can barely gather enough strength to do things I love. Summer is draining the life out of me!

With the overwhelming weight of summer pushing down on me, I’m forced to face the reality of Time. And that, my readers, is that Time flies! So, I thought that instead of spending two hours lying on the floor like a weak and frustrated thing, I should write something. My last post is already 21 days old and it’s also officially been a little over a year I left home. Where the heck did all these days go? I guess it’s the right time for a little retrospection so I’m just gonna sit down for a moment and look back. Feel free to join me while I dissect my long year in Lille! 😉

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My five-year-old brown notebook.

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I sat down yesterday with the intention of writing a new song. I had found a nice chord progression a few nights ago and really needed to turn it into something more than just “Simplistic 11 PM thing I did”. So, as my head is quite empty lately in spite of the turmoil inside, I picked up my brown notebook.

I’ve wanted to throw it away many times mostly because I feel it holds me back in some ways by being a tie to the past or something. And again, I wanted to throw it away. Except this time, I really went for it. I opened it and turned the page quickly scanning for things that I could use in the future and ripping those pages to keep them(probably in another notebook who will eventually become another “brown notebook”, haha!). So, as I went through all the black ink for the nth time, saving things that were good enough to probably birth bigger ideas later on, I realized I shouldn’t.

This notebook has been with me ever since I started high school (almost five years ago… wow!). This basically means that it recorded a very awkward state of mind and maybe that’s why I sometimes want to throw it away. Ha ha! It’s mostly filled with my first year of high school’s “song lyrics” which are truly horrible and then a few things from when I started growing a bit up there. And then, there are a few loose sheets; things I wrote these last two years.

It’s really not something I would show to everyone as I’m mostly ashamed of the really shitty content but I need that. I had to start somewhere and this shows. At first it’s really all about a crush I had(super extremely cheesy it would make anyone lactose intolerant or something) and then, it got slightly better as I My Chemical Romance (please come back) opened my eyes and mine to see more than my little self. If you go through the pages the evolution is quite sudden but you’re happy when you reach that second part! I tried harder to write meaningful things, and well, it’s kinda cute in a way… 😉

As cheesy and disastrous as it can get, it’s a piece of gold for it is a testimony of my evolution, a reminder of where I started(rather low, if you ask me) and a proof that I can get better. It feels good sometimes to dive back into it and see how stupid I was so as to realize how much less stupid I am now. Also, I’m really afraid of throwing it away because, in all honesty, I’m still hoping that I’ll squeeze some brain juice out of it one day.

I’ve always had this tendency to keep things, preserving them for a near future where I’ll be a different, older me, and therefore able to see what I couldn’t see back then and make it into something worth the time. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking that way because it’s actually very true! I keep going back to this notebook and bringing to life some empty shells I wrote years ago, shoving some guts in it. And in that state of mind, I keep everything; literally. I can’t count how many scraps of paper I have with just one or two words written on(if I don’t remember what it means, I still don’t throw it away; my future self shall be clever enough to understand). I’ve been taught patience since a very young age, I guess it made me overly(?) hopeful.

This is the concept of maceration/marination, where you leave something to soak in time or some kind of juice until it reaches the point where it’s actually okay for it to be part of this world and serve a purpose. That’s exactly what it is! And that’s why I just can’t throw it away. Not until I’ve squeeze it to the last drop!

If I was a pirate, I would bury my treasure in a beautiful island. You’ll find it, be very excited and open the big chest. A bright light would blind you and with one hand protecting your eyes, the other diving inside, you’ll reach the bottom of it. There, all your fingers will be able to find will be a scrap of paper with a single word written on it: “paper”. You won’t understand and probably rip it apart from the frustration and confused anger(you know what I mean!) of maybe having been trolled. But what you don’t know is that I myself died not knowing what it meant as I had forgotten and kept hoping for my older self to understand. My most beautiful and powerful idea had to be kept away, preserved for a better skilled and wiser self to execute. But alas, that cleverer me never saw the light of the day.

Joke aside, this book really is a piece of gold. It holds memories and many potential songs/poems. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to throw it away, unless I decide so out of the blue and there’s no one to stop me. I want to be in my thirties and still have it and read it on a calm night in a random hotel and laugh my ass off and maybe still manage to find an idea for a new song in there.

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This notebook is really horrible but it’s who I used to be a long long looooong (ohmygodI’mgrowingoldhelpme) time ago and I mustn’t forget. And I believe that the naivety of this silly sixteen-year-old girl will help me remember how important this whole thing is to me in my dark days.

FUN FACT: Back then, I really thought I was something. And I had no need for a band. I wanted to be the one in the spotlight, the queen of the stage. And I truly thought that these “songs”(which I had no melody or anything for by the way!) were going to be my first album five years from then. It really was all about me at that time! Hopefully, MCR came around and showed me a better way of seeing the world and unlocked my empathy. They showed me things I’m really thankful for and helped me build a better mind and love even the darkness in everything/everyone. Three cheers to them! And thank you because if I was still her right now, I would have probably missed out on many things(like cutting my finger probably and being broke).

I’d love to give you a peak so you could laugh at younger me — because really, it’s funny! — but I’m not that brave yet; maybe when I’m older and wiser! 😉

(Can’t believe I just wrote more than 1100 words about this notebook! Ha ha! That’s how important it is! But it was probably a waste of time for you if you read all of this, sorry! 😛 )

Uncage the Night, Chapter VI

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(I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU, READER, THAT THIS IS A HORROR STORY WHICH MEANS THAT IT SURELY CONTAINS: GORE(blood, guts, this kind of thing, you know), STRONG LANGUAGE(mostly ‘fuck’s), STRONG IMAGERY(blood, death, murders, etc) AND OVERALL LOTS OF BAD THINGS THAT CAN BE DISTURBING, TRIGGERING, ETC, SO BE VERY AWARE OF THIS BEFORE YOU READ please)


“We’ll be here around half past one. How’s that?”, Lucie asked energetically.
“Awesome! I’ll make food so call me when you’re about to leave, okay?”
“Roger that. Love you, bye!”
“Goodnight.” Leslie hung up. She felt a weight in her chest. Continue reading

Uncage the Night, Chapter III

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(I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU, READER, THAT THIS IS A HORROR STORY WHICH MEANS THAT IT SURELY CONTAINS: GORE(blood, guts, this kind of thing, you know), STRONG LANGUAGE(mostly ‘fuck’s), STRONG IMAGERY(blood, death, murders, etc) AND OVERALL LOTS OF BAD THINGS THAT CAN BE DISTURBING, TRIGGERING, ETC, SO BE VERY AWARE OF THIS BEFORE YOU READ please)


The birds seemed to be out for the weekend too but the sun hadn’t given up on her; it was here shinning brighter than it had in a long time. Feeling rays of sunshine brushing her cheeks and scratching her fragile skin made Leslie feel alive and cheered her up. Continue reading