This Isn’t Me || original song

Video

Hey guys, I’ve still been struggling to adjust to the routine, two weeks back into school. I have not been very much productive but I’m really trying to get back up.

This is the song that I wrote last month about having to play the (right-handed) host guitar for weeks and weeks of open mics because my own guitar did not sound good enough for me. It felt like a necessity but it drove me mad at some point. I was really frustrated not to be able to play Nostrum and be all of me and the best I can be with my current skills. Gladly, now I have my pedals so any time I do play the host guitar, I don’t  feel like a travesty!

This isn’t me
How could you know
When all you ever get is this?
But it’s not me..

Maybe I’m a fool
But I think that I know myself
Better than you do

This isn’t me
Well, if it is, I’ll find
A way to leave it all behind!
You should know,
I’m really good at leaving things behind
If you think you know me, you’d be surprised.

One day you will find me standing where I’m meant to

One day you will see me in all my brightest darkness

Last Monday night, I had a woman come up to me telling me how she loved my songs BUT her only regret was that they were so short!! And boy, do I feel this! Ha ha But I was playing right-handed! Which means I played Running Gag, the untitled self-heartbreak and this song. They work really well on the acoustic and there’s a nice dynamic to them. They’re also real simple and well, very short. I enjoy playing them but even for me it feels too short. Each time it just leaves me on the edge of my seat.

I’ve been playing these songs a LOT these past two months though so I’ve gotten real good at them. And, actually, my overall performances are getting better as well! No more shakes, more control and ease! It all feels so good and I’m always looking forward to the next one!!

This is all I can write for tonight! But I’ve been meaning to write about my summer, which I might, if I can shed some of my lazy-skin, be able to post before next week!? We’ll see!

Until next post(whenever that might be!), keep trying! ❤

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What are you without me?/What you are without me

Video

After a two week break, I’m finally back to working on my voice and music! So, today I posted a Brandi Carlile cover on my channel: here. And I’m here to share with you something else.

It’s been a while since I wanted to do this, putting those two songs side by side in a video! At first I thought of working on a transition but then I thought “nah, fuck it”. So, no transition, just two brothers chilling together. Haha

As always, I got a lil tangled at the end of the second song but I still managed to keep a somewhat OK thingy going on there.

Anyways, no real big deal, and surely nothing new. But I think these are my two favorite songs I’ve written so far. I really like Dry Mouth also!!

Until next post, keep practicing! ❤

What You Are Without Me (original song)

Standard

So, I wrote a part two type of thing to my song What Are You Without Me? And here it is:

I really don’t have anything to say about it because the lyrics say it all.

The words:

Have you found somebody new

To take care of the jerk that you are?

Are you wishing on the moon

For a friend like me again?

Cos if you are I’ll let you know that you won’t

Find somebody like me

Find somebody as crazy

Are you still a piece of shit

That needs to bring everyone down to shine?

Are you still a selfish prick

That takes & steals & breaks & hates?

I know it’s childish

But you called me a bitch first

I know it’s in the past

But how could I forget?

I bet you’re still a piece of shit…

Wouldn’t have changed you even if I tried!

Bet you’re still lonely and dead inside,

But I still wish you the light

Maybe one day you will find somebody to show you how to love

If you are

I’ll let you know that it won’t surprise me if you don’t change!

But you know what?

After all, I still do hope that you do find somebody like me

To love your all, and if you do,

I hope that it turns out to be somebody better than you!

Thanks for your time! Cheers! ❤

The Fool, acrylics on canvas, 05.25.18

Gallery

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Still listening to City of Stars on repeat. Painted this last night. I was still trying to practice some floral moves for my mom’s birthday present, but I lost all control. The song drove me there. I love my story behind this painting, but I won’t share it out loud, just so you have all the room for your own interpretation! 😉

I’m not as proud of it as of my last painting(click here if you haven’t seen it yet), but like I literally just said, I love what it tells and it’s pretty colorful which feels good to look at. And yet, there’s still a little bittersweetness that linger in the back of my mouth when I look at it.

Until next post, keep dreaming through the storms! ❤

Untitled acrylic painting, 05.21.18

Gallery

Needed some practice before I start working on my mom’s and brother’s birthday presents. I haven’t painted anything since E’s b-day present!! So, I’m a little rusty and I want my family’s paintings to be as good as it gets!

So, I painted this, on a piece of cardboard:

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I originally intended it to be orientated “upside down” so that it would look like the blue flowers shed their leaves into the fire. But after thought, I realized it would be perfect the other way around! Anyways, here’s some details:

I am so proud of it, honestly! It came out a little messy since I didn’t plan anything, and so my layering was a little “nonsense”, as Emily&Adam like to put it. But the colors are so vibrant and the story it tells is subtle enough that it doesn’t refrain you from enjoying the vibrant colors!!

Yay 😀

Dry Mouth (Original Song)

Video

Here’s a song I wrote a couple of weeks ago about not being able to write songs:

My voice had some trouble coming out (you should have heard me warming up… a disaster! hehe) and my fingers had forgotten how to dance, but in my opinion, this is still pretty decent. Especially with the huge lack of practice + unhealthy amount of caffeine in my body!

I will be recording a better video next week, but for now that’ll be it! I’ve just been dying to share it, and after those long four days of break, I was bursting to share it.

The ending still needs some work. Which, of course, you can’t really tell since I mess it up in this video, haha! But overall, I think this is a really good song. I love the melody and how the chorus picks up.

I think it accurately describes my frustration and this longing… I just want to create but, sometimes it just won’t happen, and it kills me because this is how I breathe. And like I have mentioned, I do have loads of song ideas, drafts and things to say; but it won’t come out.

And I think it is funny how this song literally dropped out of my mouth while I was crying about not being able to finish the others. It’s almost the exact same story as when I wrote Dead Pen a couple of years back!

Round in circles…

Anyways, I don’t have time to chat right now! I must work on my Italian now and then finish working on special presents for E!

Here are the words that did come out:

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say
It’s just that my words have left me
It’s not that my heart isn’t broken
It’s just that my mouth is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For the words to fall right out
But my guts refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait here

I hear my voice but I don’t know who she is
I write down words but they mean nothing to me
I stab my own heart but the blood it won’t come out
It’s just like my soul is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my hands to dance freely
My fingers refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait…

I’ll wait forever if I have to
It’s nothing without me, I’m nothing without this
I’ll wait…
I just don’t wanna fade..

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my voice to burst right out
But my heart it just won’t show
So I’ll just have to wait.