“The more air you breathe in, the more likely you are to die.”
She said before she closed her eyes,
“So let’s hold our breath and keep our hearts alive,
For shadows only can exist in light,
And preserve the candles inside.”
I looked at her but couldn’t smile.
How could she rather live than die?
And where in hell did she see a light?
There is no more spark inside,
I left it all behind…
“Look at you, you’ve so much time yet so little,
Desire heights yet you’re so little…”
She let out a sigh and put on a smile,
“So, let’s go outside and begin it all!
We can do anything at all,
We can be everything we want;
Let’s be more than this!”
I looked at her but couldn’t cry.
The tears also have left my eyes.
I hate me and I long to be her again.
But all I have is me, today…
The new version, poorer version,
Of what was once passion.
I cannot share her dreams anymore,
I cannot be her friend anymore.
Too tired to even try; no digging tonight.
I’ll let her sink behind my eyes,
Let pain be my disguise
And contemplate my own demise.
So I’ll look away from the mirror;
I’ll find comfort in old liquor,
While she gets weaker
Inside, probably stuck in old scars.
“Let me out!”, she’ll scream,
“You’re ruining everything!”
And she’ll beg, and she’ll cry,
“Let me shine again, please!”
But I won’t listen.
I won’t help her.
I won’t help me.
I am the one I don’t know tonight,
The one that rather pretend than fight.
So I’ll look away from my indoors,
Find peace in ignorance,
Indulge in mindlessness,
For I am a spineless mess.
Tomorrow is a new day but the waves are merciless,
We will only trade places when they let her resurface!
She will shine outward and I’ll be the anchor
Dragging her to the deep sea for it’s the only stability,
The only place that we know always will be
There and familiar.
Then it’ll be my turn again
And I’ll pray for her return,
For the strength back,
For the light I lack, the brighter black;
Our good old soundtrack…
But she’ll always want the rain back no matter what,
To wash away the feelings, the thoughts, the dirt,
She’ll crave the emptiness and hidng in the dark,
And I’ll be doomed to come back.