Yeah, that’s it. I just sat down with Breff’s guitar and sang the post. Haha
I was in my room all bloody afternoon
Everything was too much
I was hoping for the moon
To give me that loving touch
You said I missed the party
But little did you know
I was having my own
Old friends, out of the blue paint
My stomach was filled with
I should’ve seen it coming
But nothing beats a surprise party
At least, on the bright side,
I’ll fall asleep tonight
Sometimes, punctuation hits you hard am I right? At least it’s over now.
Sunday was something but, on the brightside tomorrow’s Monday and that’s as good as any other day that isn’t today.
Ready for the next week, everyone!
Until next post, take deep breaths, you’ll be alright. ❤
The mess in my head,
It has now leaked on my bed…
There’s dust everywhere!
COLOR ME UNDEAD
Sunshine is a false friend.
The weather never stays the same inside this hurricane:
Sky’s grey, then blue, then white;
There’s sun and then it rains.
I just never know when it’s safe to rest.
I gotta keep on the move
Always, even when I lose my groove.
Paint me, pain,
For I am a canvas
And I’ve been blank for too long now.
The ground isn’t very stable.
I keep falling in these muddy puddles.
They take away my colors; leave me numb.
Mean cycle; recycle…
Mom, rock me back to my cradle.
Sunshine is a false friend,
The storm it never ends!
Paint me, pain.
Paint me again,
Over and over again.
Give me a face.
Give me hard times.
And, please, leave a trace.
Weather forecast calls for the peeling of my soul.
Layer by layer I melt away
Under the merciless waves
Of this self-perpetuated hell.
Acid rains devour my core.
I barely bleed as I lose my skin.
Colorless; colorblind; who am I?
Paint me, pain.
Help me be again.
Show me I’m alive,
Not living in vain!
Show me who I am!
Show me that I can
Be more than a stain…
There’s still blood in these veins
And strength in these legs.
And next time,
When it rains,
Come back faster to me, friend,
And paint me sane & chained!
Color me undead;
The drawing was fueled by Halfnoise’s EP The Velvet Face and Paramore’s latest song(which I’m so asdfghjkl about). So I was really feeling that colorful but mournful vibe. Which was already pretty strong with my post Pain is a color and I’m a rainbow. And the first draft of the poem was fueled by the drawing. And then the real thing was fueled by the storm and insomnia and also eating a green apple past midnight.
It’s 4AM, I’ll try to catch some Zs now. There’s so much I need to say; I’ll try to write a post and let it out, maybe this week, maybe later, I don’t even know anymore.
Until next post, don’t eat apples after midnight and get some sleep ❤
Finished that painting today. It was pending since at least October and I’m so glad it’s finally over with cos I really need to feel like I’m moving forward, especially right now.
So, it’s acryclics on canvas, the usual A4 sized canvas sheet. The only thing this time is that I mixed the paint with some moulding plaster for the leaves (I tried to zoom in on a bit for you to see).
See, I had bought this rather big (not so much but compared to the size of the only moulds I have, quite a bit x) ) plaster bag a while ago and I finally came to the realization that I needed to get rid of it fast and that mom’s tiny moulds would never suffice. I thought about using it to get some texture with my acrylics which I still lack the technique to achieve “naturally”. I looked it up on the internet before doing it just to see if there were some steps to follow to ensure that it lasts or doesn’t break or anything, and I, of course, didn’t follow any of them because meh.
This being my first try, I’m not exactly satisfied with the level of texture that I achieved although I still think it’s pretty cool. The pictures won’t really show it though, unless I take close ups like the above. But it’s really interesting and I still have enough sheets and plaster to mess around some more with it and maybe even make something cooler!
I do have another “plaster painting” on the way which has been pending for pretty much as long as this one BUT might turn out better in some ways. Idek we’ll have to wait & see!
Anyways, the inspiration didn’t stop at my last brush stroke on this one; I also managed to write a poem to go with it! YAY RIGHT?
Green is old
Leave the trees
I fall on my knees
And watch the bodies fall
Rain from a lower sky
Colors that refill my eyes
I think, here it is the Time
Where all things must die
Of a death that brings life
Red, brown dots
I grieve all alone
In the blazing cold
That rinses my bones
Turn the page,
Turn my page,
Make me new again.
I now stand under
Waiting for the light of winter…
It’s 12:26AM and I find myself incapable of thinking so I’ll leave you just like this…
Until next time, don’t forget to brush your teeth! ❤
“The more air you breathe in, the more likely you are to die.”
She said before she closed her eyes,
“So let’s hold our breath and keep our hearts alive,
For shadows only can exist in light,
And preserve the candles inside.”
I looked at her but couldn’t smile.
How could she rather live than die?
And where in hell did she see a light?
There is no more spark inside,
I left it all behind…
“Look at you, you’ve so much time yet so little,
Desire heights yet you’re so little…”
She let out a sigh and put on a smile,
“So, let’s go outside and begin it all!
We can do anything at all,
We can be everything we want;
Let’s be more than this!”
I looked at her but couldn’t cry.
The tears also have left my eyes.
I hate me and I long to be her again.
But all I have is me, today…
The new version, poorer version,
Of what was once passion.
I cannot share her dreams anymore,
I cannot be her friend anymore.
Too tired to even try; no digging tonight.
I’ll let her sink behind my eyes,
Let pain be my disguise
And contemplate my own demise.
So I’ll look away from the mirror;
I’ll find comfort in old liquor,
While she gets weaker
Inside, probably stuck in old scars.
“Let me out!”, she’ll scream,
“You’re ruining everything!”
And she’ll beg, and she’ll cry,
“Let me shine again, please!”
But I won’t listen.
I won’t help her.
I won’t help me.
I am the one I don’t know tonight,
The one that rather pretend than fight.
So I’ll look away from my indoors,
Find peace in ignorance,
Indulge in mindlessness,
For I am a spineless mess.
Tomorrow is a new day but the waves are merciless,
We will only trade places when they let her resurface!
She will shine outward and I’ll be the anchor
Dragging her to the deep sea for it’s the only stability,
The only place that we know always will be
There and familiar.
Then it’ll be my turn again
And I’ll pray for her return,
For the strength back,
For the light I lack, the brighter black;
Our good old soundtrack…
But she’ll always want the rain back no matter what,
To wash away the feelings, the thoughts, the dirt,
She’ll crave the emptiness and hidng in the dark,
And I’ll be doomed to come back.
A song that I wrote last year for my best friend, Lilly! ❤
This is a very poor recording, I know. But really the best I manage to get out of me this week. I’ve been feeling really tired this week which made everything a bit harder to do! I really wanted it out before next week, and she was impatiently waiting for it, so here it is! I’m pretty sure I’ll upload a better version of it in maybe one or two months once I get better at guitar and singing! 😉
You can find the lyrics down below:
It took me an hour, now it’s on fire!
Something went wrong with the song…
I wanted you to see what I get to see
When you’re here with me,
But my pen stood up against me,
It knows how to torture me.
It took me an hour, now I’m on fire,
Throwing everything away,
Breaking every line I say.
All I wanted to say was that
You’ve got to stray miles away from your head
So you don’t end up like me
With worms crawling behind my eyes,
Inside my mind,
From a bird that I’ve birthed.
Because you deserve much more
Than a street full of broken doors.
It took me an hour, everything’s on fire.
But at least it’s been spoken now.
At least it’s been spoken now…
I don’t want your hands to fade
Like the friends inside my head….
I hope, friend,
Your hands won’t fade;
Don’t let me fade.
I hope, friend,
Your wings won’t fade;
Don’t ever fade.
I hope you smile.
Breathe the light in,
Spit a lightning.
I hope you fly.
Don’t touch the sky,
Don’t be their lie.
Don’t die my butterfly!
There you go! That’s it for this song. Not much to add.