Video

Positive bullets but in a VIDEO! :D


So, for my first video on my new channel, I decided to make positive bullets(click here to read the last one, which was only number 3 of the series!) into a video! Here it is:

P.S.: I still have to sort through my blog and you know, reorganize everything! But I guess that now that I have a new youtube channel, I’ll be more motivated and fueled to do it! 😛

Positive bullets #3


I had to look through my blog just to make sure I didn’t get the number wrong, only to realize that this is only the third P.B.post! I was supposed to go somewhere this afternoon but I kind of freaked out and avoided every bus stop. I couldn’t stop walking and I eventually ended up in the supermarket, buying things I needed, which I was only supposed to do later today, after having went to that place… I felt bad and have been slowly going down since because that tiny wave hit hard.

Then, I bought cat and dog food because there were these nice people from a shelter (I think?) collecting food and donations to help feed abandoned pets. So, that cheered me up a bit. I even bought a special one for kitties because babies… I didn’t give much because I didn’t have much money on me but I did buy some and that felt good to know that this tiny little action could make other souls happy.

On my way back I was thinking about doing another one of these posts because I can feel myself going there again and I don’t want it to devour me completely. So, here they come the positive bullets because I really need them! Let’s take a moment to acknowledge, rediscover, celebrate, what makes me feel alive, what I do love, what activates the happy sparks in my heart.

  • I love smiling at children in the street because when they smile back it makes me feel happy.
  • I’m in love with button mushrooms and broccoli gently cooked with soy sauce; it’s delicious!
  • When I’m walking outside and it’s rained a bit, and I can smell the leaves from the ground and there’s this fresh breath of air that the trees create that embraces me.
  • Hearing my mom’s voice on the telephone
  • Singing with all my heart and not feeling the pressure of the thin walls of this room.
  • Getting excited over anything with my best friend.
  • Passing dogs in the streets and smiling at them!
  • When it rains.
  • I like it when I put slices of cucumber in my water and then I feel so fancy, and it’s refreshing
  • It warms my heart when I see people outside just being themselves; like that woman that I passed earlier, waving at someone in the distance while on the phone with her and feeling that slight fear she had that the person wouldn’t see her or go the other way. It warms my heart to witness life happening in its simplest form.
  • I love hearing my voice teacher tell me that I have potential and my voice can be much greater. It gives me more strength to hang onto hope which sometimes fades when I try to believe in my future.
  • When my little brother sends us a picture on our Facebook family group chat and asks us “What do you think of …?” when we only answer with emojis. The boy needs words!
  • Hotel Books and feeling Cam’s pain and feelings through his voice and words
  • The feeling I get every time I leave my voice lesson which I believe is a mix satisfaction and confidence which I’m not very used to.
  • Watching my favorite tv-show because I’ve grown so attached to the characters and they feel like family and I’m just so happy every time I see them again.
  • I love being sensitive and feeling things very intensely because when the side of the storm that makes me numb hits me I lose a big part of myself and it’s a part that I like a lot.
  • Listening to the Burlesque album, dancing around in my pjs and being overwhelmed by the power of Christina Aguilera’s voice.
  • I like it when I paint my nails and don’t put so much nail polish on my fingers!
  • I love the people that record rain sounds and these kind of Nature stuff and put these long videos up on YouTube because most nights it’s what helps me fall asleep and shut insomnia’s cakehole!

That’s a nice little list we have here! Even though this isn’t curing my heart, I know it helps deep down. 🙂

There’s beauty everywhere, in everything and everyone, I know that, and I don’t want to forget it, ever. When it gets really dark outside, I need to stop for a moment, sit down and remind myself that, even if I don’t see them right now/all the time, there are bright lights out there and they’re always there. And this is what positive bullets are all about. They aren’t no antidote to the day’s darkness, just a reminder of the light. Not because I’m always stuck in the rain means I can’t see the rainbows.

The rainbows are always here because life is made of endless sun and endless rain, and our existences are just these streams that go back and forth from the shadowy, cold places, to the warm, sunny ones. Sometimes, we get stuck on one side for longer than we’d like, but the sky is still the same. We can stare at the rain, at the sun or at the rainbows from any point we stand at; we just need to remember that we can. Sometimes, we’re lucky and we’re stuck in the middle where the rainbows are more obvious and the rain and sun seem so distant. But just like the Earth, we’re always moving, always growing and changing and dying.

I like the way SOAD explains it in their song Aerials: “Life is a waterfall, we’re one in the river then one again after the fall, swimming through the void […]”. Honestly, the whole song is a masterpiece. The lyrics are beautiful.

Sometimes I like to fight against the current, sometimes I like to go with the flow, often my head’s under the water. But I’m learning to be okay with it. I’m learning to stand through the fluctuations and bend when the waves are strong. I’m learning life.

I’m probably going to be having a sad night, let’s be honest. But I have chocolate, I have wine, I have ice cream and endless cheering movies and sad ones and scary ones to watch and float away until dawn…

The sun will rise and we will try again

-Truce, t∅p

I’m going to try and keep writing that chapter now.

Until next post, keep it positive! Don’t underestimate the power of your mind. Even if you can’t wipe away the darkness, you can light up those candles, as tiny as they might be, along your way. The power is in your hands. ❤

Positive bullets #2


Time for another one of these! No time limit anymore. I’ll just get as much things that make me smile out of my head until I actually have to dig in my brain to find one. Here I go, grabbing the little balls of light that carry on burning through the storm and putting them in ephemeral jars. 😉

So, what’s awesome?

  • watching the Lord Of The Rings movies bundled up in bed
  • B&J’s Cookie dough vanilla ice cream!
  • rum
  • having strangers smile back at me in the streets
  • receiving a funny message after a hard day
  • walking through the park and feeling the late afternoon sun caress my skin
  • when it rains!
  • rum in my ice cream
  • watching dogs run in the park and see how happy they are
  • hearing my mom’s voice
  • when my sister’s cats are hungry and I hear them crying over the phone because I love them
  • rum in my apple juice
  • peeing after having held it in for so long (because I’m definitely not going to go in the middle of a movie and I’m surely not going to keep all the soda in my bottle as long as it’s in my hands – I really can’t help it 😛 )
  • people that think no one is watching them
  • the old man I saw playing ping-pong for about two hours last Monday afternoon
  • tomatoes
  • my plush Eeyore and sleeping with him
  • well, my princess teddy bear, Blanchette, too (even though I don’t really like her skirt so I take it off when we go to bed what)
  • drinking water in the morning
  • a nightmare-free night
  • when my little brother says my name or when he asks me about video games
  • touching grass with my hands and feeling greener
  • potatoes
  • looking in the mirror and actually being okay with my ‘woke up like dis’ face

Alright. ‘Tis all I could afford right now. That’s a nice little lot, right? Well, I don’t feel really better. But it’s always nice to remember what you like, you know, not take it for granted. Because, weirdly enough, you can actually forget what it is that you like and that makes you happy… It can sound silly if you’ve never experienced it but it can happen. I’m not saying that making lists can actually help remembering the feeling or anything. I’m just… tired. I’m tired. I’m going to sleep. Not. Maybe yes. I don’t know.

Don’t forget the light. Inside and out. Please, do look harder and find the beauty around you, inside the people and through the pollution veil of our world.

I love the Universe.

And I’m definitely going to bed. Although I don’t want to, cos nightmares and also I’d rather stay up and stare at my front door.

I’m just making this a little longer so that it reaches 569 words so don’t freak out if this post ends on a cliffhanger. Maybe I should take this as an opportunity to say something I don’t want you to fully read.I mean, something I need to get out of my chest but that would feel very weird to talk about like that, even on my personal blog, you know what I mean? Actually, I have no idea what to say but I still need to see the 69 in my word count. I’ve been told many times that I was mature for my age ha ha ha ha ha ha