For the sake of creation..

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Hey everyone, it’s been a while.

I just wanted to share with you something that I posted on my YouTube channel yesterday after months of radio silence. It’s a lazy version of my song Mind Loan with an unplugged Nostrum on a rainy day.

My voice has suffered from this almost too literal radio silence but it’s not the only thing. But that’s a story for another post.

As imperfect as this video might be, it is the start of something brighter. This is the best that my voice has sounded these last few weeks as much as it far from what I’ve learned year I am and could be capable of.

But that’s the thing. I didn’t need it to be polished or perfect or stand up to any standard I could set. It just needed to be. For the sake of creation and for the sake of me.

Sometimes, you just have to make something and throw it somewhere to be seen, no matter how it looks or sounds or feels. Sometimes, when you’ve taken quite a hard hit, you need to be reminded of the fire in you, even by the tiniest of sparks..

This video and this post too I guess, are the new sparks of hope and small rush of confidence that I do badly need right now. Something to remind that I can and always will get back on my feet! ๐Ÿ˜‰

This post is the first of the four (to five) last posts of this blog. I need a new start and it’s going to have to be without Lost Storm.
Fear not though, I am working on a completely brand new blog which will surely be the exact same as this one; but I just need the blank canvas to really feel like I’ve moved on, this time.

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What are you without me?/What you are without me

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After a two week break, I’m finally back to working on my voice and music! So, today I posted a Brandi Carlile cover on my channel: here. And I’m here to share with you something else.

It’s been a while since I wanted to do this, putting those two songs side by side in a video! At first I thought of working on a transition but then I thought “nah, fuck it”. So, no transition, just two brothers chilling together. Haha

As always, I got a lil tangled at the end of the second song but I still managed to keep a somewhat OK thingy going on there.

Anyways, no real big deal, and surely nothing new. But I think these are my two favorite songs I’ve written so far. I really like Dry Mouth also!!

Until next post, keep practicing! โค

Dry Mouth (Original Song)

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Here’s a song I wrote a couple of weeks ago about not being able to write songs:

My voice had some trouble coming out (you should have heard me warming up… a disaster! hehe) and my fingers had forgotten how to dance, but in my opinion, this is still pretty decent. Especially with the huge lack of practice + unhealthy amount of caffeine in my body!

I will be recording a better video next week, but for now that’ll be it! I’ve just been dying to share it, and after those long four days of break, I was bursting to share it.

The ending still needs some work. Which, of course, you can’t really tell since I mess it up in this video, haha! But overall, I think this is a really good song. I love the melody and how the chorus picks up.

I think it accurately describes my frustration and this longing… I just want to create but, sometimes it just won’t happen, and it kills me because this is how I breathe. And like I have mentioned, I do have loads of song ideas, drafts and things to say; but it won’t come out.

And I think it is funny how this song literally dropped out of my mouth while I was crying about not being able to finish the others. It’s almost the exact same story as when I wrote Dead Pen a couple of years back!

Round in circles…

Anyways, I don’t have time to chat right now! I must work on my Italian now and then finish working on special presents for E!

Here are the words that did come out:

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say
It’s just that my words have left me
It’s not that my heart isn’t broken
It’s just that my mouth is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For the words to fall right out
But my guts refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait here

I hear my voice but I don’t know who she is
I write down words but they mean nothing to me
I stab my own heart but the blood it won’t come out
It’s just like my soul is dry

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my hands to dance freely
My fingers refuse to bleed
So I’ll just have to wait…

I’ll wait forever if I have to
It’s nothing without me, I’m nothing without this
I’ll wait…
I just don’t wanna fade..

I’ve been waiting for so long
For my voice to burst right out
But my heart it just won’t show
So I’ll just have to wait.

What Are You Without Me? (Original song)

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I’m so happy to finally be able to post something again in that category! It’s nothing too wow but here’s an original song that I wrote earlier this month. It’s short but I like it that way. Hear me struggle on the guitar:

I literally wrote it in under two minutes while I was on an idea spree! Which explains a lot, I guess.. Ha ha!

If I’m being honest, it’s about how sometimes, via social medias, I check on people who are not part of my life anymore. Just to see how they’re doing, what are they doing now but, honestly, more to see if my leaving their life has caused an impossible-to-fill void somewhere. I’m exaggerating, of course. But I think that we all have those little intrusive thoughts sometimes.

Are they happier without me? Do they miss me? What has my absence changed for them?

I personally know that, for some people that left, it does feel that way. They do leave a void. Which you can’t feel but you don’t to anyways so it’s fine. But for those I’m singing about, it doesn’t. I don’t know if you heard but I don’t miss them. Ha ha!

Sometimes I simply wonder if being without me is hard for them. Because they were such dicks to me and I kept giving my best till it all collapsed. I’d feel good knowing that they do miss me and have yet to find someone to care about them the way I did. But also, I don’t care.

Anyways. Fun song! Haha

What are you without me?

I need to know you’re doing worse

I need to prove to me my own worth

I need to know you’re not better off

I know it’s selfish

But you were such a bitch

I known it’s in the past

But my heart’s still in a cast

So, tell me you miss me

Show me you need me

Cos I don’t

But if you do, then I won’t

Tell you I miss you

Tell you that I need you

Cause I don’t!